two sides of the coin ; onho
two sides of the coin; onew/minho
a/n: i wrote this because i had a nasty remembering spell & i wanted to write onho angst. uhh, it was drabbled really quickly (hence the lapslock). the ending bit is from Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know (Alternative)".
white noise.
it's never been so loud, it's never echoed this loudly inside jinki's brain; not until this very moment. he thinks he hears the accusations hidden under the layers of noise as the shadows of the branches surround him in the park. stupid mistakes racing beneath his bench seat while a radio next to him made blurred and distorted noises that are almost snatches of voices and silent last words.
he shuts his eyes and shakes his head rapidly, trying to clear the thoughts from his already-empty mind. this is for the better, he reminds himself, wrapping shaking arms around his body, bringing hands up to tug at his hair. the voice inside is whispering that he could've been better, it all could've been worked out in the end; but he knows it couldn't have.
--
their relationship (could he really call it that, he thought bitterly) had been a rollercoaster ride from day one. minho was still (tall) awkward and quiet, jinki was getting even more better about being outgoing.
it started with a simple i like you, hyung; a soft and sweet kiss on the lips. the kisses soon went from shy to sweet, to passionate, to ones of downright insane lust. they'd curl together in the aftermath of sex or stress, just listening to each other breathe, almost sharing thoughts and emotions. they hardly needed to talk, they could just look at each other.
it started with clipped sentences and occasional quirked eyebrows, and snippets of glares, and jinki couldn't figure out what minho's problem was. he asked him about it one day over a rare dinner together. minho smiles and tells him it's nothing, nodding and smiling as jinki tells him about his musical.
he mentions dana; how he's enjoying performing with her, and he thinks he sees something flash in minho's eyes. he does notice how the younger male's jaw clenches, how he stabs chopsticks into his food as jinki talks about the atmosphere.
"but don't worry," jinki murmurs, reaching a hand over and squeezing minho's hand, giving him a radient smile; all eyes and purity, and minho realizes it's just for him.
the sex that night has never been more amazing.
--
he's watching fancams the next week; a guilty pleasure of his. he sees jinki belt out high notes; feels a surge of pride. in this moment, he has never been more proud to claim lee jinki as his. clicking on the next one (he'll figure out the title later) immediaetly has what looks to be a closing act; and jinki singing so sweetly
(when has he not?)
so perfectly,and then he sees dana stand on stage with him, to finish their songs. he sees her slide her arms around his waist, sees the smile jinki gives, the squeeze on the hand, and realizes their chemistry is fucking perfect.
a bitter feeling rises up in his throat before he clicks the red 'x' button in the corner, bile threatening to spill over.
what seems like hours later the door opens, a soft chuckle floating through it. he sees jinki smiling, still flushed from the performance earlier. he opens his mouth to greet minho, and he's immediately slammed against the wall, wrists pinned together over his head. minho's eyes narrow into thin slits.
"a-ah," jinki stammers out, but he bites back a yelp as he feels minho tightening the grip on his wrists even more.
"i don't want her touching you anymore," minho speaks; but it's deadly short and clipped in his deep rumbling voice. "fanservice or not."
"that's all it is, minho." jinki's wincing a bit from the pain; minho's definitely a lot stronger than he looks. the younger boy's eyes narrow, but he immediately lets up, watching jinki stumble away from him.
they both avoid the topic of jinki's bruises the next day.
--
it continues like this for a while; various fancams of interaction with dana would pop up, and jinki would recieve various bruises for, 'not keeping his promise'. both would go to sleep in seperate beds, wake up around the same time, and minho would be horrified to find more bruises on jinki's body.
"i just fell, minho," is all the other boy tells him, giving him a soft smile, suddenly unable to tell the truth.
(he finds himself subconciously curling into a ball in his sleep, and waking up in cold sweats and chills.)
it's later that night he actually hits him; smacking jinki across the face so hard that he's seeing fucking stars. minho immediately looks horrified and shocked with himself, gathering up jinki in his arms and tending to the bruise, pressing soft tender kisses to it, whispering how sorry he is, how much he just loves jinki, how he's worried; how everything, how nothing.
they both pretend it never happened. that seems to be the solution, anyways. it was going perfectly well and jinki had even started to reciporate touches from minho again, when the duet with luna happened.
luna's always sweet; smiling and addressing him politely. minho notices their interaction and chemistry and feels nails tighten in his palms at it. he begins to wonder if someone's really out to get him; first dana and now luna.
--
their first and last fight is explosive; minho first starts it by throwing a picture of them against the wall. it isn't long before he's overturning fruniture, putting holes into the walls. jinki's just staring, in complete and total shock, until he feels minho shove him hard into a wall, a soft thunk echoing in the room.
"you're such a slut, hyung," he's spitting out, and jinki actually starts to worry about his safety. "always flirting around with the girls."
jinki just waits until minho calms down (a few more kicks and a broken ceramic cat statue later, and a few drops of blood from jinki), telling himself that it'll be okay; when minho suddenly pulls him up by his hair. it takes only one look into jinki's frightened eyes before minho's own ones soften.
"hyung...jinki, hyung, oh my god, i--"
"stay away from me," is the only thing tumbling out of his mouth; he isn't sure his voice will work. "i can't anymore minho, i can't. i'm sorry."
and with that he's suddenly bolting away from minho, from the house, from everything he ever knew. he doesn't stop running until he reaches a park bench, sitting on it and tracing fingers over dark, ugly bruises on his wrists.
a staticy hiss breaks him out of his trance; and he realizes it's just an old radio someone happened to leave sitting around. the static almost sounds like minho's voice; deep and accusing, and he throws it with a sob.
--
he goes back to the house a week later; having crashed with his old roommate jonghyun while he finished the musical. to his amazement it's how it looked that night; broken glass and dust settling. (if he looks hard enough, he can see the imprint of his body in a few places)
out of habit, he walks into the bedroom that they shared, expecting to see minho laying on the bed, flipping through a sports magazine.
but the room is completely empty, and it's almost as if minho never existed. he lays down in the bed (on minho's side, in his indent), letting out a quiet shuddering sigh. he catches a faint whiff of cologne, and resists the urge to cry himself to sleep; but fails.
jinki wakes up the next morning with a blanket wrapped securely around him and a cup of coffee on the night table; the scent of minho long gone. he looks at the bruises on his wrist and smiles bitterly, dumping the cup out on his way out of the house.
(there's a note written on the blanket, he later finds out when they're tearing down the house.
hello, i love you so. meet me at midnight.
it's not jinki's writing, and he wonders what would've happened if he would've followed it.)
a/n: i wrote this because i had a nasty remembering spell & i wanted to write onho angst. uhh, it was drabbled really quickly (hence the lapslock). the ending bit is from Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know (Alternative)".
white noise.
it's never been so loud, it's never echoed this loudly inside jinki's brain; not until this very moment. he thinks he hears the accusations hidden under the layers of noise as the shadows of the branches surround him in the park. stupid mistakes racing beneath his bench seat while a radio next to him made blurred and distorted noises that are almost snatches of voices and silent last words.
he shuts his eyes and shakes his head rapidly, trying to clear the thoughts from his already-empty mind. this is for the better, he reminds himself, wrapping shaking arms around his body, bringing hands up to tug at his hair. the voice inside is whispering that he could've been better, it all could've been worked out in the end; but he knows it couldn't have.
--
their relationship (could he really call it that, he thought bitterly) had been a rollercoaster ride from day one. minho was still (tall) awkward and quiet, jinki was getting even more better about being outgoing.
it started with a simple i like you, hyung; a soft and sweet kiss on the lips. the kisses soon went from shy to sweet, to passionate, to ones of downright insane lust. they'd curl together in the aftermath of sex or stress, just listening to each other breathe, almost sharing thoughts and emotions. they hardly needed to talk, they could just look at each other.
it started with clipped sentences and occasional quirked eyebrows, and snippets of glares, and jinki couldn't figure out what minho's problem was. he asked him about it one day over a rare dinner together. minho smiles and tells him it's nothing, nodding and smiling as jinki tells him about his musical.
he mentions dana; how he's enjoying performing with her, and he thinks he sees something flash in minho's eyes. he does notice how the younger male's jaw clenches, how he stabs chopsticks into his food as jinki talks about the atmosphere.
"but don't worry," jinki murmurs, reaching a hand over and squeezing minho's hand, giving him a radient smile; all eyes and purity, and minho realizes it's just for him.
the sex that night has never been more amazing.
--
he's watching fancams the next week; a guilty pleasure of his. he sees jinki belt out high notes; feels a surge of pride. in this moment, he has never been more proud to claim lee jinki as his. clicking on the next one (he'll figure out the title later) immediaetly has what looks to be a closing act; and jinki singing so sweetly
(when has he not?)
so perfectly,and then he sees dana stand on stage with him, to finish their songs. he sees her slide her arms around his waist, sees the smile jinki gives, the squeeze on the hand, and realizes their chemistry is fucking perfect.
a bitter feeling rises up in his throat before he clicks the red 'x' button in the corner, bile threatening to spill over.
what seems like hours later the door opens, a soft chuckle floating through it. he sees jinki smiling, still flushed from the performance earlier. he opens his mouth to greet minho, and he's immediately slammed against the wall, wrists pinned together over his head. minho's eyes narrow into thin slits.
"a-ah," jinki stammers out, but he bites back a yelp as he feels minho tightening the grip on his wrists even more.
"i don't want her touching you anymore," minho speaks; but it's deadly short and clipped in his deep rumbling voice. "fanservice or not."
"that's all it is, minho." jinki's wincing a bit from the pain; minho's definitely a lot stronger than he looks. the younger boy's eyes narrow, but he immediately lets up, watching jinki stumble away from him.
they both avoid the topic of jinki's bruises the next day.
--
it continues like this for a while; various fancams of interaction with dana would pop up, and jinki would recieve various bruises for, 'not keeping his promise'. both would go to sleep in seperate beds, wake up around the same time, and minho would be horrified to find more bruises on jinki's body.
"i just fell, minho," is all the other boy tells him, giving him a soft smile, suddenly unable to tell the truth.
(he finds himself subconciously curling into a ball in his sleep, and waking up in cold sweats and chills.)
it's later that night he actually hits him; smacking jinki across the face so hard that he's seeing fucking stars. minho immediately looks horrified and shocked with himself, gathering up jinki in his arms and tending to the bruise, pressing soft tender kisses to it, whispering how sorry he is, how much he just loves jinki, how he's worried; how everything, how nothing.
they both pretend it never happened. that seems to be the solution, anyways. it was going perfectly well and jinki had even started to reciporate touches from minho again, when the duet with luna happened.
luna's always sweet; smiling and addressing him politely. minho notices their interaction and chemistry and feels nails tighten in his palms at it. he begins to wonder if someone's really out to get him; first dana and now luna.
--
their first and last fight is explosive; minho first starts it by throwing a picture of them against the wall. it isn't long before he's overturning fruniture, putting holes into the walls. jinki's just staring, in complete and total shock, until he feels minho shove him hard into a wall, a soft thunk echoing in the room.
"you're such a slut, hyung," he's spitting out, and jinki actually starts to worry about his safety. "always flirting around with the girls."
jinki just waits until minho calms down (a few more kicks and a broken ceramic cat statue later, and a few drops of blood from jinki), telling himself that it'll be okay; when minho suddenly pulls him up by his hair. it takes only one look into jinki's frightened eyes before minho's own ones soften.
"hyung...jinki, hyung, oh my god, i--"
"stay away from me," is the only thing tumbling out of his mouth; he isn't sure his voice will work. "i can't anymore minho, i can't. i'm sorry."
and with that he's suddenly bolting away from minho, from the house, from everything he ever knew. he doesn't stop running until he reaches a park bench, sitting on it and tracing fingers over dark, ugly bruises on his wrists.
a staticy hiss breaks him out of his trance; and he realizes it's just an old radio someone happened to leave sitting around. the static almost sounds like minho's voice; deep and accusing, and he throws it with a sob.
--
he goes back to the house a week later; having crashed with his old roommate jonghyun while he finished the musical. to his amazement it's how it looked that night; broken glass and dust settling. (if he looks hard enough, he can see the imprint of his body in a few places)
out of habit, he walks into the bedroom that they shared, expecting to see minho laying on the bed, flipping through a sports magazine.
but the room is completely empty, and it's almost as if minho never existed. he lays down in the bed (on minho's side, in his indent), letting out a quiet shuddering sigh. he catches a faint whiff of cologne, and resists the urge to cry himself to sleep; but fails.
jinki wakes up the next morning with a blanket wrapped securely around him and a cup of coffee on the night table; the scent of minho long gone. he looks at the bruises on his wrist and smiles bitterly, dumping the cup out on his way out of the house.
(there's a note written on the blanket, he later finds out when they're tearing down the house.
hello, i love you so. meet me at midnight.
it's not jinki's writing, and he wonders what would've happened if he would've followed it.)