out of touch ; jongkey
out of touch ; jongkey
a/n: in which jonghyun and kibum are in a sexual relationship, but jonghyun's asexual: he's only having sex with kibum, because it's what kibum wants. my first time writing something like this! c: as a bonus, my girlfriend wrote her version of jonghyun's view right here!
they're still figuring things out, two years later. kibum has frequently asked jonghyun to 'cut the bullshit' and 'open up more', but there's many levels of bullshit kibum's willing to tolerate, and that makes it hard.
many of the levels have to do with human chemistry and how people work, overall. kibum prefers not to think of the actual scientific reasons behind his suddenly increased libido (ignoring jinki when he tries to explain testosterone and sexual frustration on a scientific level), and chalks it up to being horny just because.
it's frustrating on more than one occasion, which goes back to his willingness to tolerate more bullshit that comes their way; like a never ending whirlpool. or a spiral, because everything just winds back up the way it was yesterday. and the day before that, and the day before that.
the phrase "just because" is one of the worst excuses jonghyun has ever heard; even as he was growing up and lied to his parents about this and that. it's the type of excuse you make in the first weeks of your relationship; not two years into it.
jonghyun kisses him on his couch one night after a date, because that's the vibe he picks up from kibum. kibum likes to be kissed; that much he realizes. he knows that kibum loves feeling his lips on his, and can (logically) put two and two together to get the appeal it must have with other people. the kisses soon turn a little deeper, until he's got kibum half naked and writhing underneath him.
jonghyun can acknowledge that kibum's definitely attractive. he has nice smooth skin, not too pale; easy to bruise. so he does, because he figures kibum likes the bruises. he can guess the appeal and chemistry that having sex with kibum does for other people; that there could be something erotic about reducing him into a frenzy of moaning incoherent words.
there could be something erotic about the way that kibum quivers and releases underneath him, the way his stomach muscles tighten and clench, the way his thighs shake. jonghyun can understand this on an intellectual level, but can't sympathize or get it. he just can't. that part of his brain isn't wired to think that way.
jonghyun has brought him to climax in exactly seven minutes this time; a personal record for kibum. without even saying anything, he excuses himself to the bathroom and immediately starts washing his hands; brushing his teeth even. when he comes back into the living room, kibum's still sprawled out on the couch half naked, shirt thrown somewhere, eyes closed, expression unreadable. like he wants to say something, but is scared.
"do you want me to do anything for you? ...can i?"
months ago, this would've been an offer of exchange; of equivalency. now, it's just kibum avoiding his own guilt; trying to make the awkward silence in the room just stop, still bitter that it's unfair that he is the only one to get to orgasm. he wants to watch jonghyun come undone.
"maybe stay the night?" jonghyun responds, shrugging a little. it seems like the appropriate thing to say, and so he says it. "i'll go make some dinner then."
kibum just smiles bitterly as jonghyun walks off.
a/n: in which jonghyun and kibum are in a sexual relationship, but jonghyun's asexual: he's only having sex with kibum, because it's what kibum wants. my first time writing something like this! c: as a bonus, my girlfriend wrote her version of jonghyun's view right here!
they're still figuring things out, two years later. kibum has frequently asked jonghyun to 'cut the bullshit' and 'open up more', but there's many levels of bullshit kibum's willing to tolerate, and that makes it hard.
many of the levels have to do with human chemistry and how people work, overall. kibum prefers not to think of the actual scientific reasons behind his suddenly increased libido (ignoring jinki when he tries to explain testosterone and sexual frustration on a scientific level), and chalks it up to being horny just because.
it's frustrating on more than one occasion, which goes back to his willingness to tolerate more bullshit that comes their way; like a never ending whirlpool. or a spiral, because everything just winds back up the way it was yesterday. and the day before that, and the day before that.
the phrase "just because" is one of the worst excuses jonghyun has ever heard; even as he was growing up and lied to his parents about this and that. it's the type of excuse you make in the first weeks of your relationship; not two years into it.
jonghyun kisses him on his couch one night after a date, because that's the vibe he picks up from kibum. kibum likes to be kissed; that much he realizes. he knows that kibum loves feeling his lips on his, and can (logically) put two and two together to get the appeal it must have with other people. the kisses soon turn a little deeper, until he's got kibum half naked and writhing underneath him.
jonghyun can acknowledge that kibum's definitely attractive. he has nice smooth skin, not too pale; easy to bruise. so he does, because he figures kibum likes the bruises. he can guess the appeal and chemistry that having sex with kibum does for other people; that there could be something erotic about reducing him into a frenzy of moaning incoherent words.
there could be something erotic about the way that kibum quivers and releases underneath him, the way his stomach muscles tighten and clench, the way his thighs shake. jonghyun can understand this on an intellectual level, but can't sympathize or get it. he just can't. that part of his brain isn't wired to think that way.
jonghyun has brought him to climax in exactly seven minutes this time; a personal record for kibum. without even saying anything, he excuses himself to the bathroom and immediately starts washing his hands; brushing his teeth even. when he comes back into the living room, kibum's still sprawled out on the couch half naked, shirt thrown somewhere, eyes closed, expression unreadable. like he wants to say something, but is scared.
"do you want me to do anything for you? ...can i?"
months ago, this would've been an offer of exchange; of equivalency. now, it's just kibum avoiding his own guilt; trying to make the awkward silence in the room just stop, still bitter that it's unfair that he is the only one to get to orgasm. he wants to watch jonghyun come undone.
"maybe stay the night?" jonghyun responds, shrugging a little. it seems like the appropriate thing to say, and so he says it. "i'll go make some dinner then."
kibum just smiles bitterly as jonghyun walks off.