I hate feeling the way i do.. Feel like fucking worthless shit!

[marshjam]

I spent alot of my night being upset and depressed. Someone wouldnt give me a chance to talk which made me feel worse. I had called my friend Jen from Ohio tonight to talk to her so i would calm down. I was a complete reck. I was saying some horrible things in general about everything about me and about how shitty my life is going. I didnt know who else to turn to. She listened to me...anything i said. Granted, i got some yelling back because of some things i have said. Even my friend Katie yelled at me tonight for some things i said as well..

I am not making anyone happy. No matter what i say...so why should i be here.. or even around.. Maybe i am the one to close everyone out of my life... Lock the door to my what ever is left soul.

I am supposed to be going to the fireworks on the River Saturday night (Sailfest) but the friend that was supposed to come up tonight (friday) never came. She told me that she thought i didnt want a bitchy person around. I wanted her to come up...I dont think she knows that. So, now i am thinking, i am going to be losing time tomorrow night when i get out of work to get a parking spot and a decent spot to watch these fireworks. I guess, i should never plan anything anymore...because honestly, what ever i plan out.. NEVER works out correctly. Who knows.. I may just miss these fireworks with my luck.

I guess on some good note..ITs offical, Joey (nephew) and I are going to see Kenny Chesney SUNDAY afternoon! YAY!!!!