Comments | marsfireignite: 85 [Video]

marsfireignite

85 [Video]

Jan 10, 2012 17:46

[Rei is in a hall of the Temple of Heaven, which is, miraculously, still fairly intact. Why, you ask? Because a few of the citizens of Adstringendum helped keep the entirely wooden building together -- and Rei, who is wiping a bloody blade clean on her sleeve, focuses on the PCD to address exactly that ( Read more... )

not as strong as she appears, trying to do the right thing, that is a lot of blood, calligraphy is totally a hobby, guilt is her middle name, burning the bodies, break my little heart in two, so not a pyro, and so ends the worst week ever, doing my civic duty, the animus aren't cool, three inches from the edge, shinto priestess by day, apologies aren't always spoken, !event: ekpyrosis/walpurgis, archangels suck except gabriel so there, spams the network more than sasuke, more of a soldier than a teenager, not very domestic, the first kill is always the worst, failure is not an option, never gonna live this down, insecurities seriously suck balls, infiltrating the police force

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[Video // Private // Unhackable] marsfireignite January 11 2012, 06:58:33 UTC

[It isn't quite the sentence that does it, but the repetition of it inside her head -- we can't ignore it, we're all here, it affects all of us -- that causes Rei to toss the blade she was holding toward the floor, with a clatter.]

What makes you think that I don't know that, Usagi?

[It's quiet, but desperate, Hino Rei backed into a corner that caused her to do something so dangerously reckless in the first place.]

I have been here for a year and a half -- of constant murder, and bloodshed, and chaos, and I have seen people come to this world and leave it just to die, I know what is at stake for the people who live here. I know what happens when people go home to die. And I know what will happen those girls when they come back. They're cursed. There is nothing that will save them short of returning to their world and defeating whatever put them in that position in the first place and we can't do that because we are trapped here and the only hope that we had of doing that was inside that stupid city and I tried to make it work and I couldn't!

I just lost a year and a half of work and progress and trust in this city because I wanted to do exactly what you are telling me to do and it isn't possible. The Animus are the ones in charge, the Animus are the ones who send us back and forth, and we are at their mercy, and there is nothing we can do about it except pray to whoever is listening that it isn't us next, because they are too powerful to defeat. So --

[And Rei stoops to pick up the knife, her fingers shaking, and it's obvious she's trying not to cry, but she manages to keep it in check out of a sheer stubbornness not to do so.]

Don't -- tell me that I'm ignoring it and that I'm just brushing off something that affects us all because I have -- way too much on my shoulders right now to -- to just fix something that can't be fixed, like -- that I just got half of this city killed, including those girls, and some of them were by my own hand. Okay? I can't -- plan anything right now except how to get people into a house and find enough food to feed the people that are going to starve because I tried to fix the damn impossible.

[Video // Private // Unhackable] buntails January 11 2012, 07:07:10 UTC

[For just a second, she looks as if Rei had slapped her. She hadn't... meant it like that; she'd meant for her own self, she wanted to still think there could be a way to come together, to face it all together, to be strong together.

She doesn't know what to say, and for a long time, she says nothing. Then, as always, incapable of putting it elsewhere, she takes the blame on herself.]

I'm sorry, Rei-chan. [It comes out quiet, as she stifles the tears that could make Rei angrier.]

I'm sorry I wasn't here with you for all of that. I'm sorry it made you think you had to do this alone. And I'm sorry I wasn't any use even when I was there.

I'm sorry.

[Video // Private // Unhackable] marsfireignite January 12 2012, 17:32:49 UTC

[It's the expression that causes her to freeze, any anger and frustration dissipating in an instant to just stare at her friend through the PCD connection.

The problem isn't so much that Rei felt as if she had to do this alone. It's that she knew she had to. There was no loneliness in her decision, no isolation, no dislike -- it was that Usagi could not handle the reality that is Adstringendum and Rei had to fix it. That was her job, as a friend, and as a senshi -- to protect Usagi. And if she could fix Adstringendum, she could do that -- fix the murder and bloodshed and people going home because Usagi could not handle the harsh reality that this world was horrible and it was not their own and that was it.

Lashing out at Usagi certainly isn't going to help. But there's nothing else to be said. She can't take it back -- because what Rei said was true. The world is broken. It cannot be fixed. That was the end of that story.

She slumps against the wall slightly, exhaling shakily, not looking at the PCD anymore.]

It's --

[She sucks in a breath.]

I just -- I need to go to sleep.

[Video // Private // Unhackable] buntails January 13 2012, 00:15:34 UTC

[Usagi's stirred herself to action each time she's had to, because she's had to; she knows when that time comes and even if she still wants to believe in hope, she knows when things are serious. If she ever had a doubt, she has the experiences of the past twenty-four hours still leaving her shell-shocked.

But when it comes to helping Rei... She feels more and more that she isn't quite sure what to do. An enemy, she can face and fight. A friend, she wants to be able to soothe and comfort.]

I think you should. [And this, for once, is not laziness speaking.] We have a lot we need to do right now, but you need to take care of yourself and rest, too.

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