A bad mommy
Last night, I laid Nathan down to entertain himself while I did dishes. About 5 min later, I heard a scream. I mean, bone-piercing scream. Naturally, I ran to pick him up. I discovered he had scooted himself away from his tummy time and next to the space heater. Oh, no, right? Yeah, he had burns on the fingers of his left hand. Poor baby boy!
Well, Daniel and I ran his hand under cold water, put aloe vera on it, and wrapped it in a cold wet paper towel. We also gave him Tylenol.
Poor little baby cried for an hour. He fell asleep @ 1:00 am and didn't wake up until nearly 11. This morning, we examined his fingers. Big blisters! Poor little guy! I called the doctor & scheduled an appointment. He seems to be acting normally today, still a happy little boy. Despite him seeming okay, I'm feeling absolutely horrible! I've been worried about that space heater for weeks! Why haven't I done anything about it? Why would I leave him in the room with it? Why didn't I rush him into the hospital? Why didn't I use the playpen? WHAT was I thinking?
I know it sounds crazy, but I'm terrified of killing him on accident, or not realizing that he's slowly dying in my arms until he's cold and stiff, or dropping him & giving him brain damage, or accidentally breaking one or many of his bones, or letting him suffocate himself in the night....
Seriously, I can come up with a million of these. I'm constantly thinking about ways I could accidentally kill him. It terrifies me.
The worst part is, I think there's a decent chance I'll seriously hurt him on accident! And when things like this happen, or him bonking his head in the tub, the many scratches he's given himself, me tripping up the stairs at the store... it just reaffirms my fears.
I love him so much! I'm just worried that it's not enough...
Well, Daniel and I ran his hand under cold water, put aloe vera on it, and wrapped it in a cold wet paper towel. We also gave him Tylenol.
Poor little baby cried for an hour. He fell asleep @ 1:00 am and didn't wake up until nearly 11. This morning, we examined his fingers. Big blisters! Poor little guy! I called the doctor & scheduled an appointment. He seems to be acting normally today, still a happy little boy. Despite him seeming okay, I'm feeling absolutely horrible! I've been worried about that space heater for weeks! Why haven't I done anything about it? Why would I leave him in the room with it? Why didn't I rush him into the hospital? Why didn't I use the playpen? WHAT was I thinking?
I know it sounds crazy, but I'm terrified of killing him on accident, or not realizing that he's slowly dying in my arms until he's cold and stiff, or dropping him & giving him brain damage, or accidentally breaking one or many of his bones, or letting him suffocate himself in the night....
Seriously, I can come up with a million of these. I'm constantly thinking about ways I could accidentally kill him. It terrifies me.
The worst part is, I think there's a decent chance I'll seriously hurt him on accident! And when things like this happen, or him bonking his head in the tub, the many scratches he's given himself, me tripping up the stairs at the store... it just reaffirms my fears.
I love him so much! I'm just worried that it's not enough...