life's kinda funny....
so i dreamt last night... and for the first time in months, i didn't wake up in a cold sweat, or shaking, or anything else that resembles a nervous twitch....
the bad thing about this... that dream can never come true... we will never be like that...
for once, i was happy... and I kinda wish I had that back...
I don't know what i really want any more, other than to be happy... but I don't think I can be that way with someone, until i am that way by myself....
weird eh?? I don't really know what to think any more...
country roads take me home, to the place, where i can watch my own team on freaking tv!!! argh... so flustered here... whatever...
I miss happiness... why did i think i could have it with anyone else but me? and why does some part of me still feel the need to be with someone else to be completely happy... it doesn't work that way, kinda like, you need to love yourself before you can lvoe another... well, i did both of those once, and now i'm lost, and the one person who said he understood, and that we were alike, well... he can't understand,... and i realize that in dreaming of him even, i have given in to some childish desire... some desire of lust... sure, I'd love a good lay right now, but honestly, it's probably the last thing i need...
right now, i just want to be held, and to fall asleep in someone's arms, so I don't feel as alone as I do every other dya. It won't make me happy, I don't know how to make myself truly happy now... but at least I'd feel safer, if only for a litter while.
I just want to feel secure, loved, desired, needed... I want to feel again... I've become a little oblivious to it all here... no doubts... I cna't wait to be back with people who love me... I can't wait to be home..
the bad thing about this... that dream can never come true... we will never be like that...
for once, i was happy... and I kinda wish I had that back...
I don't know what i really want any more, other than to be happy... but I don't think I can be that way with someone, until i am that way by myself....
weird eh?? I don't really know what to think any more...
country roads take me home, to the place, where i can watch my own team on freaking tv!!! argh... so flustered here... whatever...
I miss happiness... why did i think i could have it with anyone else but me? and why does some part of me still feel the need to be with someone else to be completely happy... it doesn't work that way, kinda like, you need to love yourself before you can lvoe another... well, i did both of those once, and now i'm lost, and the one person who said he understood, and that we were alike, well... he can't understand,... and i realize that in dreaming of him even, i have given in to some childish desire... some desire of lust... sure, I'd love a good lay right now, but honestly, it's probably the last thing i need...
right now, i just want to be held, and to fall asleep in someone's arms, so I don't feel as alone as I do every other dya. It won't make me happy, I don't know how to make myself truly happy now... but at least I'd feel safer, if only for a litter while.
I just want to feel secure, loved, desired, needed... I want to feel again... I've become a little oblivious to it all here... no doubts... I cna't wait to be back with people who love me... I can't wait to be home..