Equal time,
Situation:
DH works 2 jobs, averaging 15 hours per day, Monday-Friday, with the occasional weekend.
I have 1 full time job, run a part-time freelancing business and take night classes towards my degree.
We are newlyweds (but have lived together for 2.5 years now), live in a rental house and are just barely making our bill payments.
Problems:
1. I end up doing 100% of the laundry and 90% of the cleaning on the average day. Occasionally, we will both clean the house in a couple of hours on the weekend. While I often spend my "home time" doing chores while I do other things (because I can't work/eat/relax in a really messy environment), he is quite content to go for beers with his friends or watch tv/play games.
I recognize that he really needs to be social when he has the time off and I tend to get more of that during the week just because of the nature of my work. I just want him to pick up after himself and/or recognize that the house doesn't magically clean itself. I make sacrifices of my own "down" time (what's that?) because I know it needs to be done. I am NOT a housewife and is definitely NOT the person I want to be in my marriage.
2. After we've worked long days/weeks, etc, he still somehow expects me to have a great sex drive. I don't. I'm exhausted by the time he gets home at 12:30am from his second job. Especially considering he works two physically and mentally demanding jobs, I really don't understand how it's possible that he is NEVER too tired for sex... and I am. We both get about 4-5 hours of sleep per night. I've started getting up at 5:30am to make sure
3. You got it! Money. He's always talking about getting a new truck (we have 3 vehicles that function - two that are old beaters we own outright and one truck that's already too expensive, IMHO) and buying electronics/DVDs/toys because he thinks we deserve nice stuff. I have refused to pay a penny toward our new tv and gaming console because I think it's a ridiculous waste of money when we have so much debt. I'm terrified that this childish financial behaviour is going to be the death of us and we won't have a pot to shit in. Don't get me wrong - I'm in the hole the same amount he is - I spent mine on education and travel. He spent his on vehicles and electronics.
How do I tell him that this behaviour just can't fly anymore without insulting/patronizing him? He prides himself on working hard (which he does) and thinks he deserves time with his buddies and nice things (which he does) - BUT he also needs to be an adult and make sure his responsibilities are taken care of first.
I had a talk with him about this yesterday and it's SO hard to find a solution and get in arguements because we both have so little time to change anything. I hate bringing up problems that potentially have no solution. These are recurring things that tend to get slightly better, then terribly worse, then slightly better, then even worse still...and so on.
Thoughts? Suggestions? I'm open to anything.
DH works 2 jobs, averaging 15 hours per day, Monday-Friday, with the occasional weekend.
I have 1 full time job, run a part-time freelancing business and take night classes towards my degree.
We are newlyweds (but have lived together for 2.5 years now), live in a rental house and are just barely making our bill payments.
Problems:
1. I end up doing 100% of the laundry and 90% of the cleaning on the average day. Occasionally, we will both clean the house in a couple of hours on the weekend. While I often spend my "home time" doing chores while I do other things (because I can't work/eat/relax in a really messy environment), he is quite content to go for beers with his friends or watch tv/play games.
I recognize that he really needs to be social when he has the time off and I tend to get more of that during the week just because of the nature of my work. I just want him to pick up after himself and/or recognize that the house doesn't magically clean itself. I make sacrifices of my own "down" time (what's that?) because I know it needs to be done. I am NOT a housewife and is definitely NOT the person I want to be in my marriage.
2. After we've worked long days/weeks, etc, he still somehow expects me to have a great sex drive. I don't. I'm exhausted by the time he gets home at 12:30am from his second job. Especially considering he works two physically and mentally demanding jobs, I really don't understand how it's possible that he is NEVER too tired for sex... and I am. We both get about 4-5 hours of sleep per night. I've started getting up at 5:30am to make sure
3. You got it! Money. He's always talking about getting a new truck (we have 3 vehicles that function - two that are old beaters we own outright and one truck that's already too expensive, IMHO) and buying electronics/DVDs/toys because he thinks we deserve nice stuff. I have refused to pay a penny toward our new tv and gaming console because I think it's a ridiculous waste of money when we have so much debt. I'm terrified that this childish financial behaviour is going to be the death of us and we won't have a pot to shit in. Don't get me wrong - I'm in the hole the same amount he is - I spent mine on education and travel. He spent his on vehicles and electronics.
How do I tell him that this behaviour just can't fly anymore without insulting/patronizing him? He prides himself on working hard (which he does) and thinks he deserves time with his buddies and nice things (which he does) - BUT he also needs to be an adult and make sure his responsibilities are taken care of first.
I had a talk with him about this yesterday and it's SO hard to find a solution and get in arguements because we both have so little time to change anything. I hate bringing up problems that potentially have no solution. These are recurring things that tend to get slightly better, then terribly worse, then slightly better, then even worse still...and so on.
Thoughts? Suggestions? I'm open to anything.