Frustrated
This is my first post! Yay for noobs!
Before I get into the question, here is the back story.
I met Kevin when I was really young. My dad knew him through his work, selling jewelry for a living. Kevin was an artist. He made jewelry for a living...custom pieces and did repairs. I was working a Christmas job wrapping presents at the shop and he would come in every day. I didn't really develop feelings or anything but I did think he was cute. A few years and a couple of terrible boyfriends later...
I was looking for a summer job something fierce. My current bf had reservations about dating me unless I got a job in town...so I was searching frantically...until one day my dad came up to me and told me that Kevin had just started a store of his own and needed a trustworthy employee. He was new at this, and trusted my dad...there making me trustworthy by association. Needless to say, I went and applied immediately (thinking my current relationship at risk) and asked Kevin for the job. He hired me immediately and I found him to be very quiet. We worked a full day together by ourselves and eventually we got to know eachother and talked to him non-stop. We would share our theories, philosophies, ect.
My bf at the time...decided that, after I get this job, he decides that he's going to work in New York for a few months with his father. He was a scum bag considering that he was going to break it off with ME if I didn't get a job in the same town as him, right? However I was 18 and stupid still, so I become sad but we stay together. He leaves, coincidently the same day that Kevin needs me to go to a jewelry mart with him 2 hours away. In the end, it turns into an adventure. We get finished early so we head out to another town a couple hours from there. We hiked on some of the trails...tried some different kinds of chai at local coffee shops, and just explored in general. By the end of the day, as we drove him to the music of "Sail Away" by David Gray...I realized that I really really liked him. More than anyone I had ever been with. More than the scum bag I was with who would leave me for 2 months after I get a job closer to him. Of course, I didn't think Kevin liked me in the same way...and he was dating another girl too...of a 4 year relationship...so I didn't want to mess that up.
We went on as normal. My bf would call every other day and then it grew less and less. Some how I didn't care though...because I was enjoying hanging at the shop with Kevin. I would make Kevin tea in the morning...put out jewelry...make sale signs, ect. I hardly thought about the dude...and I didn't realize that I was becoming closer to Kevin.
One day, Kevin told me that he had this secret. It was cute because he seemed all worried about it. We had pretty much become best friends by this point. It didn't take me long to figure it out. I just kept guessing. He wouldn't answer me. He just said that it had to do with his relationship...and then slowly I pulled out of him that it was about his current gf and myself. I was pretty sure he was crushing on me and I KNEW that I was. In the end, I ended up telling him on a night that we stayed open for an event that I liked him. I'll skip over all of the details with the break ups...but in the end, we decided that we liked eachother more than our SO's at the time...and so we ended up seperating from them. I still feel kind of bad about him breaking it off with his long term gf (even though she's married since this happened).
(Wow...this has become super long...but for the rest I'll try to sum up.)
Shortly after we admitted our feelings, I got cancer. He was with me through losing all of my hair and cut his off to give it to locks of love (his hair was halfway down his back). He told me that when mine grew back, he would grow his. He stuck with me, through the 7 months of sickness...chemo and radiation. Held my hand through all of it. We still worked together and he kept me active, even when I wasn't feeling well. If it hadn't been for him...I don't think I would have got better. Because of this, I knew that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He did more for me without any comittments than some do in marriage, before the first year of dating.
Five years later, we were still together. He proposed to me last year at the end of August while we were on a random trip to Chattanooga.
I know he loves me deeply. He always tells people that getting married to me was the best decision he has ever made in his life. He says that he wouldn't be with anyone else. He helps me out in almost every way humanly possible...except one. After all of this being a glowing review...it seems almost ridiculous to ask a question like this, but here it goes:
Is it normal for a husband to not want to...umm... be intimate...more than once a week or less? I've never questioned his love for me. I know he does...but we go SO long in between that I start to feel a little unattractive. He says I am the sexiest woman in the world to him...and when I approach the subject, or...make my move if you will...it's always "I'm tired" or "Don't you have to work in the morning?" "Did you take the dog out?" So when I get upset...he's like, "Baby I just had a long day. I'd prefer to do things in the morning." Okay. So if I could I would, but I have to leave the house at 8am for work and doesn't have to be in until the crack of noon because he has a new employee. I just don't feel like it's a good excuse. I work hard to but I can make time for it. Why can't he? Even on the nights that he doesn't stay after work to finish things, we don't do anything. He will stay out with his friends until 2 am and drive home, but he won't take a night out with me. I just don't buy it. I mean, to a degree I do...but come on. I'm starting to feel like either I'm the only one with a sex drive...or like there really is something wrong with me. Maybe I don't make it exciting enough? I want him to want it...but I feel ashamed at this point. I literally feel like over half of the time I'm BEGGING to be intimate. I have a pretty big sex drive for a woman I think...and a week or two is a LONG time for me. It's frustrating as hell!
Does anyone have any insight into this?
Before I get into the question, here is the back story.
I met Kevin when I was really young. My dad knew him through his work, selling jewelry for a living. Kevin was an artist. He made jewelry for a living...custom pieces and did repairs. I was working a Christmas job wrapping presents at the shop and he would come in every day. I didn't really develop feelings or anything but I did think he was cute. A few years and a couple of terrible boyfriends later...
I was looking for a summer job something fierce. My current bf had reservations about dating me unless I got a job in town...so I was searching frantically...until one day my dad came up to me and told me that Kevin had just started a store of his own and needed a trustworthy employee. He was new at this, and trusted my dad...there making me trustworthy by association. Needless to say, I went and applied immediately (thinking my current relationship at risk) and asked Kevin for the job. He hired me immediately and I found him to be very quiet. We worked a full day together by ourselves and eventually we got to know eachother and talked to him non-stop. We would share our theories, philosophies, ect.
My bf at the time...decided that, after I get this job, he decides that he's going to work in New York for a few months with his father. He was a scum bag considering that he was going to break it off with ME if I didn't get a job in the same town as him, right? However I was 18 and stupid still, so I become sad but we stay together. He leaves, coincidently the same day that Kevin needs me to go to a jewelry mart with him 2 hours away. In the end, it turns into an adventure. We get finished early so we head out to another town a couple hours from there. We hiked on some of the trails...tried some different kinds of chai at local coffee shops, and just explored in general. By the end of the day, as we drove him to the music of "Sail Away" by David Gray...I realized that I really really liked him. More than anyone I had ever been with. More than the scum bag I was with who would leave me for 2 months after I get a job closer to him. Of course, I didn't think Kevin liked me in the same way...and he was dating another girl too...of a 4 year relationship...so I didn't want to mess that up.
We went on as normal. My bf would call every other day and then it grew less and less. Some how I didn't care though...because I was enjoying hanging at the shop with Kevin. I would make Kevin tea in the morning...put out jewelry...make sale signs, ect. I hardly thought about the dude...and I didn't realize that I was becoming closer to Kevin.
One day, Kevin told me that he had this secret. It was cute because he seemed all worried about it. We had pretty much become best friends by this point. It didn't take me long to figure it out. I just kept guessing. He wouldn't answer me. He just said that it had to do with his relationship...and then slowly I pulled out of him that it was about his current gf and myself. I was pretty sure he was crushing on me and I KNEW that I was. In the end, I ended up telling him on a night that we stayed open for an event that I liked him. I'll skip over all of the details with the break ups...but in the end, we decided that we liked eachother more than our SO's at the time...and so we ended up seperating from them. I still feel kind of bad about him breaking it off with his long term gf (even though she's married since this happened).
(Wow...this has become super long...but for the rest I'll try to sum up.)
Shortly after we admitted our feelings, I got cancer. He was with me through losing all of my hair and cut his off to give it to locks of love (his hair was halfway down his back). He told me that when mine grew back, he would grow his. He stuck with me, through the 7 months of sickness...chemo and radiation. Held my hand through all of it. We still worked together and he kept me active, even when I wasn't feeling well. If it hadn't been for him...I don't think I would have got better. Because of this, I knew that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He did more for me without any comittments than some do in marriage, before the first year of dating.
Five years later, we were still together. He proposed to me last year at the end of August while we were on a random trip to Chattanooga.
I know he loves me deeply. He always tells people that getting married to me was the best decision he has ever made in his life. He says that he wouldn't be with anyone else. He helps me out in almost every way humanly possible...except one. After all of this being a glowing review...it seems almost ridiculous to ask a question like this, but here it goes:
Is it normal for a husband to not want to...umm... be intimate...more than once a week or less? I've never questioned his love for me. I know he does...but we go SO long in between that I start to feel a little unattractive. He says I am the sexiest woman in the world to him...and when I approach the subject, or...make my move if you will...it's always "I'm tired" or "Don't you have to work in the morning?" "Did you take the dog out?" So when I get upset...he's like, "Baby I just had a long day. I'd prefer to do things in the morning." Okay. So if I could I would, but I have to leave the house at 8am for work and doesn't have to be in until the crack of noon because he has a new employee. I just don't feel like it's a good excuse. I work hard to but I can make time for it. Why can't he? Even on the nights that he doesn't stay after work to finish things, we don't do anything. He will stay out with his friends until 2 am and drive home, but he won't take a night out with me. I just don't buy it. I mean, to a degree I do...but come on. I'm starting to feel like either I'm the only one with a sex drive...or like there really is something wrong with me. Maybe I don't make it exciting enough? I want him to want it...but I feel ashamed at this point. I literally feel like over half of the time I'm BEGGING to be intimate. I have a pretty big sex drive for a woman I think...and a week or two is a LONG time for me. It's frustrating as hell!
Does anyone have any insight into this?