Anno Duex
Tomorrow, Thursday June 7, I will be finishing up my second year teaching. This is what I have learned:
1. Children in middle school smell. Not a normal stink, but a super-stink. A mixture of poop, hoagie, and some sort of dead animal, perhaps a badger.
2. I'm too sarcastic for children of this age. These kids do not understand the wit and pure dry humor of their teacher.
3. I patronize kids. I don't care what they did this weekend, unless it was actually cool.
Student: "This weekend I went to the movies."
Me : "That's nice"
Student: "My mom says you patronize me."
Me: ..."yup"
4. I am smarter than a 5th grader...and taller.
5. Trying to explain math to middle schoolers is difficult. Explaining it 40 more times makes you both homocidal and suicidal....sometimes regecidal.
6. Children's voices can reach decibels that cause you to bleed from the eyes causing your brain to try to implode inside your skull, but it can't, so it decides to stab the inside of your head and play Cheap Trick songs until you piss yourself and pass out for two hours.
7. Children can eat an insane amount of food. Today, a student ate popcorn, two pieces of pizza, two cookies, a piece of cake, a cup cake, a snickers ice cream bar, and two ice cream sandwiches...in a matter of 20 minutes.
8. I am still not cool. Not only that, I'm not cool and I'm old.
9. I am still awesome at kickball, but I go a little overboard. Two days ago, I pegged a kid with the ball, leaving the indents of the ball in his leg. I told him to walk it off and stop whining. He was still out.
10. Everyone is crazy. All the students. All the teachers. All the invisible people that tell me to burn things. We are all nuts. You have to be to do what we do.
Sweet lord, may God have mercy on us all.
1. Children in middle school smell. Not a normal stink, but a super-stink. A mixture of poop, hoagie, and some sort of dead animal, perhaps a badger.
2. I'm too sarcastic for children of this age. These kids do not understand the wit and pure dry humor of their teacher.
3. I patronize kids. I don't care what they did this weekend, unless it was actually cool.
Student: "This weekend I went to the movies."
Me : "That's nice"
Student: "My mom says you patronize me."
Me: ..."yup"
4. I am smarter than a 5th grader...and taller.
5. Trying to explain math to middle schoolers is difficult. Explaining it 40 more times makes you both homocidal and suicidal....sometimes regecidal.
6. Children's voices can reach decibels that cause you to bleed from the eyes causing your brain to try to implode inside your skull, but it can't, so it decides to stab the inside of your head and play Cheap Trick songs until you piss yourself and pass out for two hours.
7. Children can eat an insane amount of food. Today, a student ate popcorn, two pieces of pizza, two cookies, a piece of cake, a cup cake, a snickers ice cream bar, and two ice cream sandwiches...in a matter of 20 minutes.
8. I am still not cool. Not only that, I'm not cool and I'm old.
9. I am still awesome at kickball, but I go a little overboard. Two days ago, I pegged a kid with the ball, leaving the indents of the ball in his leg. I told him to walk it off and stop whining. He was still out.
10. Everyone is crazy. All the students. All the teachers. All the invisible people that tell me to burn things. We are all nuts. You have to be to do what we do.
Sweet lord, may God have mercy on us all.