So much to say...so little time
Well according to lj, its been 11 weeks since my last post. you'd think a lot has happened to me in those 11 weeks but not much has. I've been working a lot less than I was hoping this summer and my money issues are still major. Despite this, there have been many things on my mind.
The most recent development I've been thinking a lot about is my brother's wedding. As you may or maynot know, my oldest brother, Brock is getting married next summer. They are about 6-8 wks into the planning process. This week, Michelle, his fiancee, is headed to Turkey to teach at a missionary school just like she did last year. Originally, I wasn't thinking I was going to be a part of the wedding since I knew she had a large family and tons of friends, but shortly after they got engaged, I was informed, by my brother, I did have a spot in the wedding party. I was pretty excited. I've never been a part of any weddings despite having been to dozens of friends and family. My ma did tell me not to get too excited until Michelle asked me herself since I'd be her bridesmaid. That calmed me a bit but I was still thinking I would be a part of it. Fast forward about a month, I hadn't heard anything from either my brother or his fiancee until I heard that she wanted to talk to me. I asked her online about it but she said she wanted to talk to me on the phone. I have a few thoughts at this point but there is one that seems most likely. Upon their arrival to Cali last week, she gives me a call. My suspicion is correct. There is no room for me and my sister in the wedding party. So even though it was what I thought it was going to be, I can't say I was entirely prepared for it. I guess I didn't think I was going to take it as hard as I did, the more I thought about it. I actually thought it was kinda funny right after I talked to her how dead on I was about what she was going to say. She of course tried to sugar coat it but there was no getting around it. I will not be a part of my brother's wedding.
It almost seems like it gets worse the more I think about it. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive about the whole thing, eh? I mean, there is no rule that says the groom's sisters should be in the wedding party, but almost every wedding I've been to, that has been the case. At the same time, what does this leave me to do? Sit in the front row for the wedding? maybe do a reading? I do that all the time. At the same time, who am I to say I should be in the wedding? Its not my wedding. Michelle has the right to have anyone she wants with her up there. I definitely don't want to be up there knowing she bumped someone she loves just out of obligation or guilt. I still can't help but be disappointed. I know part of it stems from going back and forth on it, but I know even if that weren't the case, I'd still be unhappy about it. I guess I'm just going to sit on the sidelines for this as I do for so many things.
Another part of this wedding that has bothered me doesn't directly affect me though it feels like it does. As far as I knew, my brothers had an agreement when it came to being each other's best man. They would have a round-robin type deal where they would all get to do it once. Seemed pretty fair to me. Even me, a person who was not part of the deal at all, knew what the deal was. Last weekend, I was out with my parents and they told me Brock was leaning towards not having either of his brothers as his best man. This took me by surprise. Who was more important to him than his brothers? Though the thought process at this point was unknown, my parents guessed it would be his roommate Mike. This guy isn't a lifelong friend or anything which, in my mind, would be the only exception. At dinner yesterday, with Brett and a few of his friends at Chammps, the official word was relayed to my little brother that he nor Derek would be the best man. Though this came from Brock, it was said through my parents, who had just returned from a weekend with him. Why wouldn't Brock say this to them himself? At least Michelle felt it necessary to talk to me and she wasn't even the one who misled me. Due to the noise in the restaurant, I didn't hear who his best man was going to be. I assume its Mike, a guy hes known for a few yrs. The apparent reasoning is that he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by choosing one over the other. I feel hurt for my brothers. Was Brock not in on the deal? I always thought my brothers had a special bond like my sister and I have. How could he not at least discussed this with them more? Don't they deserve that? Or did I totally miss something? The impression I got was that it wasn't discussed but I suppose I could be wrong. They are still in the wedding i suppose, so they weren't totally screwed.
All this behavior from Brock isn't much of a surprise if ya really think about it. He pulled away from the family a long time ago. He only makes an appearance a couple times a year, in a good year, and trying to talk to him for more than 5 mins is like pulling teeth. A part of me feels like he's ashamed. He has looked down on us for drinking even though our drinking habits are really not that bad. I'm not sure how long he has lived in Milwaukee but I know he's been in at least 2 different apts, neither of which I have seen. I met him for dinner over spring break where he learned I had a cell phone, something I had had for at least 9 months. Anything going on with him I find out through my parents, like he's some long-lost relative. He hasn't felt like my brother for a long time. So y should I be a part of his wedding. I barely know him and he doesn't really know me anymore.
Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, which I have a tendoncy to be, but I'm not wrong. I love my brother but he is very good at making the rest of us feel inferior.
Wow, I wrote a lot more on that than I thought I was gonna. I guess the other things I wanted to talk about will have to wait. I head back to Tech on Friday where I can recharge my batteries away from the prying eyes of my parents, and I'll be closer to Alan.
hope all is well with everyone else. I really haven't had time to read everyone's posts.
Random Quote of the Day: "Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!" --Ned Flanders in The Simpson's Movie