(no subject)
i'm hurt. i'm beating myself up. i'm angry. i'm sad. i want to feel better but don't know how to fix it. and i don't know if i would take the steps necessary to fix it even if i did know the answer. i can't deal with any of this any more. i'm hurting. alot. i'm screwing stuff up. i'm so mad with myself.
tomorrow my best friend in the whole world was supposed to come, and that's what i needed - my best friend here to hold me and comfort me and let me know everything would be alright. but i screwed up tonight and made some stupid comments and such and pushed him away. so now he's not coming. and i know it's my fault. and i'm furious. i'm hurt. i'm sitting here bawling my eyes out and don't know what to do.
i feel like a little kid. i feel like i just want to sit down and cry for a while and have things be better when i'm done. but i know that this time crying isn't going to fix anything at all.
i'm so far beyond overwhelmed. i don't know how much more of this i can take. and i know people are tired of hearing it. but i just can't take any more. i've given up already, and i'm scared to see where that takes me.
tomorrow my best friend in the whole world was supposed to come, and that's what i needed - my best friend here to hold me and comfort me and let me know everything would be alright. but i screwed up tonight and made some stupid comments and such and pushed him away. so now he's not coming. and i know it's my fault. and i'm furious. i'm hurt. i'm sitting here bawling my eyes out and don't know what to do.
i feel like a little kid. i feel like i just want to sit down and cry for a while and have things be better when i'm done. but i know that this time crying isn't going to fix anything at all.
i'm so far beyond overwhelmed. i don't know how much more of this i can take. and i know people are tired of hearing it. but i just can't take any more. i've given up already, and i'm scared to see where that takes me.