The white blank page
Title : The white blank page
Author : marnidoo
Rating : pg
Pairing : Doojoon/ Yoseob
Summary : Yoseob is writing the hardest thing he's ever had to write.
Notes : Something I wrote a while ago.
The White Blank Page
Yoseob was still, sitting on his chair, silent. His elbows on the table, his head in his hands. He had closed his eyes, unable of writing anything until then. The dark-haired boy sighed letting his head fall on the table. He waited a few minutes only listening to the silent room.
Finally he took a deep breath and faced the white blank page again. Why did he have to be the best man? Why did he have to write this damn speech that he was supposed to perform in two days. At the thought his heart was heavy, painful. Yoseob shook his head as to chase his thoughts away, which turned out to be totally ineffective. He had to write something, anything.
An idea suddenly crossed his mind. Maybe he wasn’t good at writing speeches but he clearly was gifted when it came to writing songs. That was it. He was about the write a song. A song was all he was capable of in this situation and he decided to go for it. Yoseob felt as if he had to use this song to tell everything, delivering his message before it was too late. He took his pen and focused on the still untouched page in front of him. After a few moments words came to him. Without thinking, Yoseob wrote them down, as they came in his mind, trying not to think about the memories that came up as he wrote.
Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart
Your heart, as well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love
Your love, as well as your folly
As these lyrics laid down on the paper, Yoseob couldn’t help but think about the day everything changed.
**Yoseob was sitting in a coffee shop waiting. Suddenly he stepped into the shop and smiled.
‘Yoseob-ah!’
‘Ah! Doojoon! At least you’re coming!’ Yoseob replied returning the smile.
Doojoon tousled the other’ s blond hair before sitting on the opposite side of the table. Yoseob got a call from Doojoon a few days before asking him to meet him since he had something he wanted to discuss. The little blond-haired was looking at Doojoon a wide smile on his face. Doojoon looked at him, he seemed to worry but Yoseob was so excited he didn’t notice it. Doojoon slightly shook his head.
‘Yoseob-ah, there’s something I need to tell you’ he stated.
‘Joonie! Tell me already I’m getting nervous!’ Yoseob laughed almost jumping on his chair.
Doojoon sighed and took a few seconds before he opened his mouth again.
‘I’m getting married’ Doojoon dropped.
The change in Yoseob’ s face couldn’t have happened faster. His smile disappeared replaced by a frown. He wasn’t looking at Doojoon anymore but his whole attention was on the spoon in his coffee. He couldn’t describe what was happening in his head but it didn’t feel good. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Doojoon slightly coughing as if he was trying to catch his attention.
‘Yoseob...’ Doojoon began.
Yoseob slowly lifted his head, afraid of making eye contact with the older boy. When he finally did he was surprised by the saddened expression in Doojoon’ s eyes. He felt a crack in his heart. He was supposed to be happy for him, he was supposed to support him no matter what... Was it his fault if Doojoon looked sad? That he couldn’t bear and with a great effort he put a smile on his face.
‘Well, congratulations!’ he finally said as he stood up to hug his friend.
Doojoon put his arms around him, apparently relieved. Yoseob’ s heart was beating faster and he almost laughed at the irony of the situation. Doojoon just told him he was kind of leaving him forever but his heart didn’t seem to care. It was racing as it always did when Doojoon was close to him.
‘Actually, there’s another thing I want to ask’ Doojoon said to Yoseob’s back still holding him.
‘Mmm?’
‘Will you be my best man?’ Doojoon said softly as if he wasn’t sure that he really wanted to say it.
This time Yoseob closed his eyes. He was trying to prevent the tears from falling on his cheeks as he felt a bit sick.
‘Of course’ he answered in low voice, lacking for breath, lacking for strength. **
Yoseob felt as if the tears he repressed that day were about to fall. He focused on his song and more words came. It made things easier for him. He had to focus on the song so he couldn’t easily think about all the things that were driving him crazy lately.
And can you kneel before the king
And say I’m clean, I’m clean
Was he? Was Doojoon really loving that girl? She was beautiful, that Yoseob could tell. Yes, she was one of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and the kindest person except from Doojoon he had ever met. She was definitely the type of woman Doojoon deserved but still. Did Doojoon want to spend the rest of his life like that? Had Doojoon forgotten about him? About what they used to be, what they used to have? Yoseob couldn’t help but thinking that something wasn’t right. He remembered a time when Doojoon and he were all that mattered. Doojoon used to call him every night just to talk about his day, just to hear him laugh as he told Yoseob a stupid joke. They often fell asleep on the phone and then used to laugh together in the morning when both of them saw his phone shape printed on his face. They used to meet as often as possible and were practically doing everything together.
Yoseob leaned on the chair, a weak smile on his face. They used to be as one. It seemed to him that all that was a dream, and that he was living the cruelest awakening ever. No matter what he had to keep on writing.
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
A tear slowly rolled on his right cheek. Every sentence was harder than the previous one. He never thought things would end like this. The idea that Doojoon could leave him never occurred to him. But there he was.
A white blank page and a swelling rage
He felt angry. He was exhausted, terribly sad but above everything he was angry. He didn’t understand how things could be this way. As he tried to gather his memory to found something he must have missed back then, all he remembered was the day Doojoon changed. And words kept on flowing.
You did not think when you sent me to the brink
Yoseob remembered that day in details.
** Yoseob was riding his bike, smiling as usual. He was heading towards Doojoon’s house like every night after work. They were both students now but Yoseob had to work on evenings and weekends because his parents were short on money. Anyway, he didn’t mind. His life was great. He was able to live in a small flat near the school and his job was kind of fun but above all things he was able to see Doojoon everyday and that was all that mattered to the blond-haired boy’s heart. He turned left and was in the street. He slowed down as he reached the house and then suddenly braked when he saw Doojoon on the porch. He was with a girl. She kissed him on the cheek before leaving the house. Yoseob watched her walking away until she completely disappeared. Then he headed to the house, Doojoon was still on the porch when he noticed him.
‘Yoseob-ah!’ he called smiling.
Yoseob dropped his bike at his usual spot and joined Doojoon.
‘Hey’ he just said still a bit confused about what just happened but Doojoon hugged him as he always did and Yoseob seemed to forget about everything.
They climbed in Doojoon’s room chatting happily after Yoseob bowed to both Doojoon’s parents. They were arguing about some soccer player. Doojoon was fond of soccer and had transmitted it to Yoseob after they met.
‘You’re talking nonsense!’ Doojoon laughed before punching Yoseob’s smiling face with a pillow.
‘Aish... How is it you always want to be right even when you’re wrong?!’ Yoseob defended.
Doojoon laughed wide-heartedly which made Yoseob smile even wider. They both fell, their back on the bed. Doojoon turned his head to watch at Yoseob and he noticed he was frowning, looking at the ceiling.
‘What is it?’ Doojoon asked.
‘Mmm?’ Yoseob turned to look at Doojoon as well.
‘You seem preoccupied’ Doojoon added. Yoseob broke the eye contact that made Doojoon believe he was right. ‘Come on! You can tell me!’ he said tousling the younger boy’s hair.
Yoseob wasn’t sure he wanted to have this talk but decided to speak anyway.
‘Who was that girl you were with before I arrived?’ he asked not daring to look at him.
‘Oh... Her name’s Min Ah’ Doojoon stated.
‘I mean what was she doing here, you’ve never talked about her before...’ Yoseob added shyly.
‘Ah! Well... My parents are kind of... worried’ Doojoon began.
At these words Yoseob turned to look at him and saw a strange expression on his face.
‘About what?’
‘They wonder why I haven’t a girl yet’ Doojoon told him as a small embarrassed smile appeared on his face.
‘Ah...’ Yoseob answered unable of saying anything clever.
‘So they invited her for I could meet her. I’ve never talked about her because that was the first time I saw her’ he explained looking at the ceiling as well.
‘And she kissed you already?!’ Yoseob almost yelled.
He mentally slapped himself for what he just said and waited for Doojoon’s reaction nervously. He suddenly heard Doojoon’s loud, wide laughter. He turned to face him and watched him trying to catch his breath but in vain as he was laughing too much.
‘Yah! It’s not funny’ Yoseob said before sitting on the bed turning his back on Doojoon.
‘I’m sorry. But you should have seen your face’ Doojoon tried to apologize. Yoseob could hear his smile as he was speaking.
Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat when he felt Doojoon’s arms around him. His put his head on Yoseob’s left shoulder and looked at him.
‘Yoseob-ah... Don’t be mad at me. I won’t laugh at you anymore. I promise’ Doojoon said with a silly smile.
That day, Yoseob’s heart melted and he knew he could never feel the same with Doojoon. He knew that every time he would see the older boy, his heart would feel the same as it was feeling that day. **
Yoseob sighed again. He wished things had ended up with that. Of course they didn’t. He saw Min Ah again after that day. Doojoon was still seeing her, saying his parents liked her and that he didn’t want to disappoint them.
Yoseob couldn’t tell anything. All he could do was feeling betrayed each time he arrived at Doojoon’s place and saw her leave, each time kissing Doojoon goodbye.
One day he had asked Doojoon if he was dating her or something. He only answered: ‘Yes, I think I am’. Yoseob had tried to understand since that day. But he couldn’t. How could Doojoon have left him? He never seemed to miss anything when they were together. He was always smiling, laughing, tousling his hair, hugging him, resting his head on his shoulder, whispering in his ear...
Yoseob stood up. He couldn’t bear it anymore. He took the closest thing to him, that is to say, the light on his desk and throw it on the floor with his whole might. He yelled. It was loud, sounding like a beast. He shouted out all his anger, all his frustration, all his love for the guy who abandoned him. But he fell quiet, realizing that words still had the need to come out and lay on that paper. He sat back and took his pen again.
You desired my attention but denied my affections
He wasn’t the one who asked for it to happen. He wasn’t the one who chased Doojoon years ago. He had met Doojoon when his family moved in a new city.
**That was his first day in a new school and he was a bit worried. He thought everything would be okay since he was a nice guy, with a cute childish face. ‘No one would dare to bother me on my first day, right?’ he had told himself while he was heading to school. He was wandering in the corridor hoping that the right room would pop out in front of his eyes since he had no idea where he should go. When the bell rang, he found himself running hopefully to the blessed room when he bumped into someone. He fell on his back, on the floor.
‘Oh! I’m sorry’ Yoseob said before getting up.
‘You dumbass!’ the guy replied before examinating his face. ‘You’re new right?’ he asked then.
Yoseob sighed, relieved. The guy knew he was lost since he was new so he wouldn’t be too harsh on him.
‘Yes’ Yoseob simply replied with a small smile.
‘Great show for your first day!’ the guy yelled applauding.
Okay, maybe he wouldn’t be so nice Yoseob thought. A this very moment another guy appeared in Yoseob’s back, making him jump in surprise.
‘Don’t you really have nothing else to do?’ he asked to the angry boy.
‘Don’t stick your nose in there, Doojoon!’ the boy replied. ‘It’s none of you’re business’
‘Well... If you’re bothering my friend, yes it is’ Doojoon replied looking down at the other guy.
‘Your friend?’ he repeated.
‘A problem?’ Doojoon asked arching an eyebrow.
‘No, it’s fine’ the guy mumbled, looking down. And just like that he left. **
And just like that Doojoon and Yoseob became friends. At first Yoseob was shy. He was glad Doojoon helped him but he felt uncomfortable every time the older boy came and rescued him from similar situations. But after a while, he got used to it.
And to the fact that Doojoon greeted him every morning in front of the school and that sometimes he was waiting for him after classes ended. They began to spend more time together, going to the park, to the cinema, and most of all playing soccer. Doojoon really liked it and he told Yoseob he should try. Actually Yoseob didn’t enjoy playing soccer that much but he did enjoy playing whole afternoons with Doojoon in the park.
Thinking about soccer, he suddenly remembered one day when he went to the soccer field at school, to support Doojoon who was playing in the school team. By the end of the game he was waiting for Doojoon to join him and get ice cream when a boy came to him, desiring to talk. He was fun, Yoseob remembered. But what happened next was even funnier.
Doojoon came out of the changing rooms and saw Yoseob laughing with a guy he didn’t know. The guy had his hand on Yoseob’s arm. Doojoon felt suddenly frustrated, maybe angry. He put the ball he was holding on the floor and started running towards them.
‘Yah!’ he yelled before kicking the ball with all his strength. The ball landed exactly where he wanted it to. In the guy’s face who immediately withdrew his hand from Yoseob’s arm.
‘Are you insane?!’ the guy yelled when he tried to get up, his nose bleeding.
‘Oh... I’m sorry, I just thought you were good at catching others’ things’ Doojoon replied with an evil smile.
Yoseob looked at him, eyes wide.
‘What?’ Doojoon said in a harsh tone.
‘Nothing’ Yoseob weakly replied.
‘Well, don’t you want to eat ice-cream?’ Doojoon asked, putting an arm around Yoseob’s shoulder and driving him away with a smile.
Yes, Doojoon acted like a possessive devil sometimes. But Yoseob didn’t care. Actually he was delighted. Sometimes he felt like Doojoon wanted him to be his own only, and he was happy to be.
Yoseob got stuck at the sentence he just wrote.
You desired my attention
Doojoon did all he could to get Yoseob’s attention since the very first day. When he finally obtained it, he couldn’t help but desire more. One day, the first day he saw Yoseob cry, he had hugged him, pressing his little body against his strong one and had said to him.
‘Sometimes I wish I could hide you from the rest of the world.’ With that he had kissed Yoseob’s forehead. ‘At least, let me be around and protect you’ he had added with a smile as Yoseob pulled back to look at him.
‘Forever’ Doojoon ended his sentence and hugged Yoseob even more.
That memory was one of the worst Yoseob could think about. He wrote again. He wanted to put in his song everything he should have told Doojoon before.
You desired my attention but denied my affections
So tell me now where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
As he re read those lines, tears streamed down his face. He didn’t try to stop them. He couldn’t stop them. He was crying at loud, with all his heart, with all his body. He had kept them in him for too long. They had to get out one way or another and they just did as his mind slowly returned to the most cherished memory to his heart. As a matter of fact, the most painful.
** Yoseob met Doojoon at the park as usual on Sundays. They played soccer for a short while but it was really cold and Yoseob complained.
‘Joonie! I’m freezing!’
The other boy laughed, coming closer to him.
‘Okay then, let’s call it a day!’ he answered with a smile before gently poking Yoseob’s cheek. ‘Wanna get a hot drink?’ Doojoon asked as they left the park.
‘Sure! Great idea!’ Yoseob grinned.
Doojoon couldn’t refrain a laughter at the vision of his little Seobie, freezing like hell, his nose all red, but still smiling. His smile would probably be wider if it wasn’t stopped by his ears Doojoon thought. They got into a coffee shop and stayed there for a while, both of them trying to absorb as much warmth as they could. A few hours later, Yoseob looked outside and said enthusiastically.
‘Doojoon-ah! Look! It’s snowing!’
Doojoon turned his head and looked through the window. Indeed, it was snowing. The night has also fallen by the time the spent here. Doojoon turned again to face Yoseob. He was still looking outside, smiling. He really looked like a child. Doojoon couldn’t help but laugh again.
‘You wanna go outside don’t you?’
Yoseob pouted.
‘I told you I was freezing... And now I wanna go outside...’ Yoseob said looking embarrassed.
‘Ha ha, who cares? Come on!’ Doojoon said getting on his feet and gesturing Yoseob to do the same.
They stepped out the shop in the cool air of the night. They walked side by side, Yoseob looking at the dark sky, eyes sparkling with snow. Doojoon had to put his arms around Yoseob’s shoulders to guide him since he wouldn’t lower his head for a second.
They wandered around for a while, both of them were freezing but they didn’t care. The more they were cold, the more they pressed their bodies together to get some warmth.
After a while, Doojoon told Yoseob he wanted to climb to the roof they used to go, saying the view should be amazing with this weather. Yoseob happily accepted the offer and they both climbed the narrow stairs to the roof of a huge building which seemed to be abandoned for years.
They had some stuff up there. It used to be their headquarters when they wanted to be alone, just the two of them. Doojoon left Yoseob’s side for a while in order to get the trunk they hide here, with their stuff. For the moment he was gone, Yoseob’s body couldn’t bear the empty and cold sensation where Doojoon’s body was before. Doojoon came back and they sat on the bench. Doojoon had found their blankets and he put them around Yoseob before sitting next to him and covering his own body as well. It took some time before they body regained some warmth.
They were looking at the city, spreading at their feet, every little thing covered by a pure, white, sparkling blanket. Doojoon had his right arm around Yoseob, the latter cuddled in Doojoon’s body to get his warmth. They were talking, and laughing as they always did. But suddenly, Doojoon seemed to become more serious. His voice was lower, softer. Literally pressing Yoseob’s body against his.
‘I wish we could stay like this forever’ he said breaking the silence.
‘But we’re gonna freeze to death’ Yoseob replied laughing.
‘No, I mean... Together... Forever!’ Doojoon insisted before he slowly turned his head to look at Yoseob.
‘Well... It’s not like we weren’t already spending all our time together...’ Yoseob stated turning his own head to face Doojoon.
‘I think I can do that’ he said with a huge smile.
He only had time to catch a glimpse at Doojoon’s smile when he felt the latter’ s hand leave his shoulder and reach the back of his head. The next second, the hand was pushing his head forward and he felt Doojoon’s lips on his. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it in his head. He couldn’t believe what was happening. It didn’t matter if it was a dream or not, all he wanted was that it lasted forever, so he kissed back.
They remained like that for a while. Doojoon’s arms circling Yoseob’s body while the smaller boy had his hands on Doojoon’s chest. None of them wanted to break the kiss, it was like the time froze. During that time they could be whatever they wanted, they were alone, on top of the world. Yoseob knew what he wanted. He wanted things to remain like this forever. He wanted to stay on top of the world, with Doojoon’s arms around him, spreading his warmth and scent to his whole body, while his soft lips were passionately kissing him. **
Yoseob stood up but his legs were suddenly too weak and he fell. He was still crying, laying on the floor, cursing him. Cursing the guy who dared chase after him and then leave him.
The one who took him in wonderland and then sent him to hell. He could still feel Doojoon’s lips on his but his head was now resting on the floor, tears blinding him. Doojoon wasn’t there anymore. He didn’t want to kiss him anymore. Doojoon didn’t love him anymore. At the thought Yoseob’s heart sank, he felt like it was about to stop beating. What was the point anyway? Being invited to the wedding, the birthdays, the children’ s party, New Year’s Eves... No. He couldn’t take it. He would rather die than attending all this.
It took some time before he could stand up again. He washed the tears on his face and sat down at his desk again. He was about to end the song. To end everything.
Lead me to the truth and I
Will follow you with my whole life
Those were the last words Yoseob wrote. He took a look at his completed song and sighed.
‘Okay then... This is the last chance.’ He said to himself.
The next morning, he was supposed to meet Doojoon at the church. He told him something about a rehearsal or whatever. Yoseob was right on time before the church when Doojoon appeared. He was alone. ‘Thank God’ Yoseob thought. They greeted each other. That is to say, they shook hands, Doojoon wasn’t hugging him anymore.
Doojoon told him about some random things about the wedding which was planned for the following day. By the end of the afternoon he led Yoseob into the room where he told him to meet him the next morning.
‘That’s supposed to be my changing room’ he explained.
‘Okay’ Yoseob answered without looking at him.
His heart was so heavy, he didn’t imagine it would be so hard to spend the day with him like that. He had prepared himself for a horrible day but god, that was worst! He was lost in
his mind and Doojoon stared at him.
‘You okay?’ he asked.
‘Yeah’ Yoseob replied in a low voice.
‘Oh! I forgot! Did you write your speech already?’ Doojoon asked smiling.
Doojoon was smiling. He never stopped actually. Yoseob remembered when it became obvious that Doojoon’ s parents thought their relationship was insane.
**One day as he had stepped in their house while Doojoon was outside with Min Ah, Doojoon’ s mother had looked at him and said coldly.
‘Don’t you see you’re ruining him?’ she had asked.
‘Wh-what?’ Yoseob had asked completely taken aback.
‘We’ve found him a girl so he could have someone who wasn’t you...’ she had added. ‘It’s insane don’t you think! Why can’t you just leave him alone?!’
That day Yoseob had left right away without even explaining Doojoon why. He had run home, tears in his eyes. **
That was it. That was why Doojoon was dating MinAh. His parents told him he was a freak. Maybe his mother had cried to make him obey. That was why he, Yoseob had lost everything. Doojoon never told him. Doojoon never stopped smiling at him, laughing with him. He just stopped hugging him, he stopped taking his hand when they walked side by side and he never tried to kiss him again.
Doojoon called him again, he knew that Yoseob was lost in his thoughts.
‘Yoseob-ah’ he softly called.
Yoseob lifted his head and looked in Doojoon’s eyes. He saw concern. There had always been concern in Doojoon’s eyes when he was around. As he was seeing it, he felt suddenly stronger. Maybe Doojoon still cared about him. Maybe somewhere deep in his heart he knew that MinAh wasn’t the one. Maybe somewhere he knew that despite his parents’ thoughts he would only love Yoseob for the rest of his life. With that Yoseob laughed. He was barely aware about it but he did. Doojoon’s eyes widened.
‘What is it?’ Doojoon asked. ‘Why are you laughing?’
‘There’s nothing’ Yoseob answered.
Now he had to do something. Anything. An idea crossed his mind and he decided to go for it.
‘Actually, I wrote it’ he said to Doojoon.
‘Really? Do you want to show me or shall we wait until tomorrow?’
‘Doojoon-ah’ Yoseob began, his voice suddenly weak. He took the paper out of his pocket and handed it to Doojoon. Doojoon took it and started to read.
A frown appeared on his forehead. His heart suddenly sank as he read those words. Yoseob never told him that he loved him before. Would things have been different if he did?
The wedding wasn’t his idea. Maybe he wasn’t ready. Was he about to lie to MinAh? To Yoseob? To himself?
He remembered about the Doojoon who cared for Yoseob and Yoseob only. He remembered when he tried everything he could to make the little boy laugh and look at him only. But now he wasn’t able to smile. He just realized that he had probably lost this boy.
Doojoon knew it. Even if Yoseob never told him, he couldn’t act as if he didn’t know. He had always known. The worst thing was he loved him too. The memory of their kiss, on the roof, in the snowy night was still vivid in his heart even if he never told Yoseob so. Now Doojoon started to loose his mind. He was completely lost. What was he supposed to do? Everyone seemed to tell him what he had to do but what about his feelings? His parents never understood and never would. Yoseob was the one but now he was engaged to someone. Someone good who didn’t deserve that. His head was about to explode.
Yoseob had no idea of what was happening in Doojoon’s head. He had no idea about the fight, about the pain, about the regret. He was just looking at him, holding his breath and tears. Hoping that he would say something.
Doojoon lifted his head towards Yoseob. Yoseob understood he finished to read the song.
‘Doojoon-ah’ he said.
Doojoon didn’t say anything, he was still looking at him but was unable to speak.
‘I won’t be there tomorrow’ Yoseob went on. ‘I’m sorry but I can’t’
Another pause. Doojoon remained silent but pain and sadness could be seen on his face. Yoseob was waiting for him to say something but he didn’t. Doojoon didn’t open his mouth. He was completely stuck. His hand holding firmly the paper and looking at Yoseob. Yoseob couldn’t stop a tear from falling and he stepped back. Doojoon had to stay. He knew it. He had to take his responsibilities. What was he thinking of? Yoseob looked at him a last time and then turned his back on him and stepped out of the room, crying again.
When Yoseob’s body disappeared from Doojoon’s sight, the man fell on the chair next to him. He put his head in his hands and let the tears stream down his face. He just lost the only person he had ever loved.
Was it something one can forget? *
A tear landed on the floor. Doojoon looked at it and he was on his feet again. Suddenly he felt strong enough and started to run. Actually he started to chase. To chase after the only one he had always chased after his whole life.
He stepped out of the church and was almost instantly soaked by the rain pouring outside. He didn’t stop running, looking in every corner, in every street, hoping he would find him soon. He ran for a long time but didn’t find him. He was close to loose hope when he crossed the street and was almost hit by a bus.
He sighed loudly, relieved about what he just escaped from when he noticed him. Yoseob was sitting on the floor, his clothes all wet. His knees against his chest, his head resting on them so Doojoon could only see the bottom of his head. He stepped closer, and got on his knees facing the younger man.
‘Yoseob-ah’ Doojoon said.
Yoseob slightly jumped in surprise and then lifted his head towards the voice. Doojoon could see on his face that Yoseob didn’t understand why he was there kneeling before him. So he decided to speak.
‘You’re right’ he hesitated.
Yoseob frowned. He didn’t have a clue about what Doojoon was about to say.
‘I’ve been lying’ Doojoon added in response. ‘Lying to my parents, to MinAh, to you’ he pause. ‘Lying to myself’.
‘I don’t...’ Yoseob started but Doojoon cut him off.
‘Please’ Doojoon said in a low voice to make him stop. Yoseob found he seemed weak and he didn’t like it. He didn’t want Doojoon to be sad or feel bad because of him.
Doojoon lowered his head. He didn’t know what to say. What did he have to do to make him stay? Yoseob tried to think about something to say but he couldn’t come up with anything. He had already said everything before. He was fed up with the crying part. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Doojoon and wondered why he was silent, looking at the floor, his face only a few inches away from his own.
‘Doojoon-ah’ Yoseob tried. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to mess with you...’ he added before Doojoon looked right in his eyes.
‘Don’t leave me’ he begged. Yoseob could see the tears mixing with the rain on Doojoon’s cheeks.
‘What?’ He said as if he had misunderstood him.
‘Don’t leave me’ Doojoon repeated. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t realize it before but don’t go anywhere without me’ Doojoon said. Actually it was merely a whisper.
‘But I don’t want to’ Yoseob said and Doojoon grabbed his arms.
‘I love you. I always did’
Yoseob couldn’t believe what Doojoon just said. Was it actually happening? Was Doojoon his like he should? He couldn’t do anything but smile.
‘It took us a while to say it, didn’t it?’ he asked still smiling.
‘Don’t make your speech yet’ Doojoon ordered as he leaned forward and kissed him.
A/N : I don’t know what to think about that one. I enjoyed writing it but it was supposed to end at the * I wrote it as a gift for my best friend a few months ago and she said she’d kill me if this ended badly so I added the last part... I didn’t know what to do about the post but I finally let it that way. I hope you like it anyway ?!
Also, that comes from this song . The ideas came when I was listening to it. I’m totally in love with that band and that’s one of my favorite songs. Thank you for reading and commenting <3