Goodbye.
I have temporarily or maybe even permanently took down my myspace. I need to get myself figured out and settled. I feel a wave of change coming and right now I can't worry about a dumb Superficial personal profile. The only reason why I've decided to keep my livejournal is because I hold a dear close, strong attachment to it. I like to look back on the past entries and see the great change I have gone through in the past 5 years (soon to be 6 years). I also need something to help me write down and express my thoughts. Keeping a physical book journal is hard for me to do and I cant risk the chance of my mother fiding it and sending me off to some nutty psychologyst.
I really need to focus on getting well, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am constantly battering my body. My health is shit. My sleeping habits are just whacky. As with my eating habits... I eat just one meal a day, my hair is coming out at the root. I am opening myself to people too much. I constantly mix alcohol and sleeping pills... in hopes that I will some how kill myself or on good nights go to sleep early. hahaha. I'm not really ready to let go of the sleeping pills or the alcohol at the moment...I just wont use them together... but I do need to admit that I have an addiction to sleeping pills, and I have gone through my parents, family, and even friends, and strangers medicine cabinets. To find any kind of prescription and nonprescription drugs that make you drowsy. I have stopped this recently. I have a problem being in large groups without some kind of downer. I also don't know how to cope with loneliness so I often find myself drunk because I can feel happy actually being alone. I am really seriously dangerous when I am by myself. I a usually alone too. And so basically 24 hours of the day I am on some kind of mind altering drug. I really need to stop this all because I am going to find myself dead soon.
I need to fix a lot of things before I find myself dead soon.
I really need to focus on getting well, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am constantly battering my body. My health is shit. My sleeping habits are just whacky. As with my eating habits... I eat just one meal a day, my hair is coming out at the root. I am opening myself to people too much. I constantly mix alcohol and sleeping pills... in hopes that I will some how kill myself or on good nights go to sleep early. hahaha. I'm not really ready to let go of the sleeping pills or the alcohol at the moment...I just wont use them together... but I do need to admit that I have an addiction to sleeping pills, and I have gone through my parents, family, and even friends, and strangers medicine cabinets. To find any kind of prescription and nonprescription drugs that make you drowsy. I have stopped this recently. I have a problem being in large groups without some kind of downer. I also don't know how to cope with loneliness so I often find myself drunk because I can feel happy actually being alone. I am really seriously dangerous when I am by myself. I a usually alone too. And so basically 24 hours of the day I am on some kind of mind altering drug. I really need to stop this all because I am going to find myself dead soon.
I need to fix a lot of things before I find myself dead soon.