(no subject)
Title: Not Noble at All
Author: Caecandy
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Alan/Nick if you squint
Length: <1000 words
Summary: "I put you first. I always have. And no, it's not very noble at all."
Warnings: None that I can think of.
Spoilers: The entire book.
Disclaimer: It's not mine. In fact, if you mistook my writing for Sarah's, I think I could die happy.
Notes: This is my first post on this community. After reading all of the amazing fic on here, I figured I should contribute. I just hope mine is half as good as the ridiculously talented people on here.I'm posting this unbeta'd, because if I waited that long, I'd chicken out. Sorry for any typos.
"Why did you--?" Nick tried to get the sentence out but the words escaped, twisted away like the dancers from the demons, keeping just out of reach. They were there, but they refused to come to order for him.
Alan looked at him with eyes that seemed far too old for the boy's face. “Because you are my brother.” He said, “You had to be safe.”
Nick wanted to argue. A few scant months ago, he would have. He'd been riding on the anger from all of the secrets and lies-- he would have told Alan they weren't brothers at all. It was an all-consuming anger, terrible enough that he'd told Alan he would leave.
He wouldn't have.
Mae had been right, though he hated admitting it. He would have been miserable. Not the human idea of misery, but rather a demon's. He would've settled into that blackness he'd been in at the time. He wouldn't have felt anything.
He would have watched Alan, though. Watched from the shadows as Alan got his perfect little life, just like he wanted.
That wasn't the argument he was taking. It wouldn't have worked anyways. “I'm not safe,” he said instead.
“I knew that.” Alan admitted.
“Then--”
But Alan cut him off, “You are mine.” As if that explained everything. “I put you first.”
Nick understood that. Alan was his.
There'd been a time, long ago, before the words had changed everything, that Alan had just been another human. He'd stared with eyes too large, watching the small human babble at him and hadn't understood. He hadn't cared.
Few people had liked Nick when he was small. Girls were too young to take notice and he'd been so different. He'd watched the world, passive black eyes wide. He teetered on a fine line between apathy and anger. Seeing these feelings in the eyes of a teenager is one thing, but in the eyes of a toddler is a much different one.
“I wasn't always,” said Nick. “This shouldn't have been your life.”
He looked at Alan in the same way that still caused Jamie to flinch. Alan stared back, eyes warm and sad all at once.
“You had a family.” He finished.
“You are my family.” Alan corrected him, as if it were obvious. He'd gained the weight back, now that they weren't being constantly hunted. They weren't safe, not by a long shot, but the magicians had taken a hit and were nursing their wounds.
And they didn't have to take care of Mum.
Alan would've been unhappy to hear him say it, but Nick found himself relieved. It was like those trips back from the Goblin's market had been, just him and Alan.
On the good days, that is. It seemed that surviving the magicians had caused Mae and Jamie to think that they were welcome and Alan wouldn't let him kick them out. Once or twice a week the two would 'stop by'. Stopping by seemed to mean that they would invade his home for an evening and eat their food.
Alan seemed happy, though, so he generally scowled, but didn't speak too much.
“How can you trust me?” He asked. He thought of that moment just before Alan had freed him. That moment where he wasn't sure what he was going to do. He wasn't sure of himself, but it seemed that Alan had been willing to take that gamble.
It was a gamble and it made him angry. Alan shouldn't have been willing to gamble that much. He could have been hurt.
The fact that he could've hurt Alan was worse than any other thing in Nick's mind.
He wouldn't hurt Alan. He would stay with him and try his best to make the gamble worth it. Arguing over the past wouldn't make his brother see sense. Alan never had and never would. He always wanted to help people; Nick had to be the one to keep him safe.
He watched as his brother walked back to sit on the couch. His limp was slight, but obvious. It made Nick want to think about the memories, to dwell on things he couldn't change.
He didn't; he joined Alan on the sofa with a bowl of cereal.
It would only be a matter of time before Alan did something stupid again and Nick had to be there to keep him safe. He could do that much, for his brother.
Author: Caecandy
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Alan/Nick if you squint
Length: <1000 words
Summary: "I put you first. I always have. And no, it's not very noble at all."
Warnings: None that I can think of.
Spoilers: The entire book.
Disclaimer: It's not mine. In fact, if you mistook my writing for Sarah's, I think I could die happy.
Notes: This is my first post on this community. After reading all of the amazing fic on here, I figured I should contribute. I just hope mine is half as good as the ridiculously talented people on here.I'm posting this unbeta'd, because if I waited that long, I'd chicken out. Sorry for any typos.
"Why did you--?" Nick tried to get the sentence out but the words escaped, twisted away like the dancers from the demons, keeping just out of reach. They were there, but they refused to come to order for him.
Alan looked at him with eyes that seemed far too old for the boy's face. “Because you are my brother.” He said, “You had to be safe.”
Nick wanted to argue. A few scant months ago, he would have. He'd been riding on the anger from all of the secrets and lies-- he would have told Alan they weren't brothers at all. It was an all-consuming anger, terrible enough that he'd told Alan he would leave.
He wouldn't have.
Mae had been right, though he hated admitting it. He would have been miserable. Not the human idea of misery, but rather a demon's. He would've settled into that blackness he'd been in at the time. He wouldn't have felt anything.
He would have watched Alan, though. Watched from the shadows as Alan got his perfect little life, just like he wanted.
That wasn't the argument he was taking. It wouldn't have worked anyways. “I'm not safe,” he said instead.
“I knew that.” Alan admitted.
“Then--”
But Alan cut him off, “You are mine.” As if that explained everything. “I put you first.”
Nick understood that. Alan was his.
There'd been a time, long ago, before the words had changed everything, that Alan had just been another human. He'd stared with eyes too large, watching the small human babble at him and hadn't understood. He hadn't cared.
Few people had liked Nick when he was small. Girls were too young to take notice and he'd been so different. He'd watched the world, passive black eyes wide. He teetered on a fine line between apathy and anger. Seeing these feelings in the eyes of a teenager is one thing, but in the eyes of a toddler is a much different one.
“I wasn't always,” said Nick. “This shouldn't have been your life.”
He looked at Alan in the same way that still caused Jamie to flinch. Alan stared back, eyes warm and sad all at once.
“You had a family.” He finished.
“You are my family.” Alan corrected him, as if it were obvious. He'd gained the weight back, now that they weren't being constantly hunted. They weren't safe, not by a long shot, but the magicians had taken a hit and were nursing their wounds.
And they didn't have to take care of Mum.
Alan would've been unhappy to hear him say it, but Nick found himself relieved. It was like those trips back from the Goblin's market had been, just him and Alan.
On the good days, that is. It seemed that surviving the magicians had caused Mae and Jamie to think that they were welcome and Alan wouldn't let him kick them out. Once or twice a week the two would 'stop by'. Stopping by seemed to mean that they would invade his home for an evening and eat their food.
Alan seemed happy, though, so he generally scowled, but didn't speak too much.
“How can you trust me?” He asked. He thought of that moment just before Alan had freed him. That moment where he wasn't sure what he was going to do. He wasn't sure of himself, but it seemed that Alan had been willing to take that gamble.
It was a gamble and it made him angry. Alan shouldn't have been willing to gamble that much. He could have been hurt.
The fact that he could've hurt Alan was worse than any other thing in Nick's mind.
He wouldn't hurt Alan. He would stay with him and try his best to make the gamble worth it. Arguing over the past wouldn't make his brother see sense. Alan never had and never would. He always wanted to help people; Nick had to be the one to keep him safe.
He watched as his brother walked back to sit on the couch. His limp was slight, but obvious. It made Nick want to think about the memories, to dwell on things he couldn't change.
He didn't; he joined Alan on the sofa with a bowl of cereal.
It would only be a matter of time before Alan did something stupid again and Nick had to be there to keep him safe. He could do that much, for his brother.