(no subject)
This is the third time trying to write... the first two had a wonky scroll bar so that I couldn't see anything I was writing... So here goes nothing. I just have a lot on my mind today and hoped typing it would clean out my head a bit.
Erika came over Saturday afternoon and we spent most of the weekend together. Erika says she's interested in joining the church. She has good reason to feel drawn to us, every time she's been in trouble a member has stepped in to support her. I planted the thought that Heavenly Father might be trying to tell her something. I still feel that way, but she's really ambivalent about the whole thing. We went to a progressive dinner at church last night where we filled out a trivia sheet about Joseph Smith. Well the group got really competitive and kind of contentious... plus our boss was there and acting annoying... and on top of everything else someone brought up excommunication, which I got to spend half an hour or so trying to explain. I feel like she wants the Mormon lifestyle without the conviction. I can understand that, we have beautiful lives, but I don't think it's achievable without the faith. Our lives are meaningful and beautiful because of our discipleship.
She didn't come to church with me this morning. I need to adjust my expectations and temper my hope so that I don't end up resenting her. Our path is challenging and affects all aspects of our lives in a way many other faith's doesn't. You can't make that commitment lightly, but you also can't expect all the blessings without the work.
My house smells like candy canes. I bought peppermint oil to try to repel the mice that seem to find my cupboards so appealing. I found mouse poo in a pot and that was the last straw. I got a little focused yesterday. I compeletly emptied and cleaned out the cupboard under the sink and then lined the holes around the pipes with peppermint oil soaked cotton pads. Finally, I put all the pots on a sink protector to keep them off the surface a little and all the pans in lateral organizers. Hopefully that'll keep the little beasts out of my dishes for a little while.
I'm having a little leftover grief for Branden. I was sitting with a friend in Sacrament meeting and playing with her baby. Branden was watching us and smiled. Branden loves kids, especially little girls. I smiled back and something deep inside me screamed out, "this could have been our baby". I know that the way things are that isn't a possibility. I just see so vividly how it might have been had we made different decisions before we met. It's been 16 months, when am I going to feel free of him?
I really am happy over all. I have friends who are lovely, I'm planning for exciting changes in my life. I'm feeling more in control over my life than I have in years and I feel really really blessed. I'm excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm finding the home within my house, while simultaneously looking for a new one. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am.
Erika came over Saturday afternoon and we spent most of the weekend together. Erika says she's interested in joining the church. She has good reason to feel drawn to us, every time she's been in trouble a member has stepped in to support her. I planted the thought that Heavenly Father might be trying to tell her something. I still feel that way, but she's really ambivalent about the whole thing. We went to a progressive dinner at church last night where we filled out a trivia sheet about Joseph Smith. Well the group got really competitive and kind of contentious... plus our boss was there and acting annoying... and on top of everything else someone brought up excommunication, which I got to spend half an hour or so trying to explain. I feel like she wants the Mormon lifestyle without the conviction. I can understand that, we have beautiful lives, but I don't think it's achievable without the faith. Our lives are meaningful and beautiful because of our discipleship.
She didn't come to church with me this morning. I need to adjust my expectations and temper my hope so that I don't end up resenting her. Our path is challenging and affects all aspects of our lives in a way many other faith's doesn't. You can't make that commitment lightly, but you also can't expect all the blessings without the work.
My house smells like candy canes. I bought peppermint oil to try to repel the mice that seem to find my cupboards so appealing. I found mouse poo in a pot and that was the last straw. I got a little focused yesterday. I compeletly emptied and cleaned out the cupboard under the sink and then lined the holes around the pipes with peppermint oil soaked cotton pads. Finally, I put all the pots on a sink protector to keep them off the surface a little and all the pans in lateral organizers. Hopefully that'll keep the little beasts out of my dishes for a little while.
I'm having a little leftover grief for Branden. I was sitting with a friend in Sacrament meeting and playing with her baby. Branden was watching us and smiled. Branden loves kids, especially little girls. I smiled back and something deep inside me screamed out, "this could have been our baby". I know that the way things are that isn't a possibility. I just see so vividly how it might have been had we made different decisions before we met. It's been 16 months, when am I going to feel free of him?
I really am happy over all. I have friends who are lovely, I'm planning for exciting changes in my life. I'm feeling more in control over my life than I have in years and I feel really really blessed. I'm excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm finding the home within my house, while simultaneously looking for a new one. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am.