I usually don't talk about an episode here...
... but I think I want to right now.
So I'm talking about the episode which makes fans go completely bollocks over, flinging words of ...well, maybe as strong as hate but certainly misunderstanding, and wanting Sam to get monster-influenced once more.
I will first say something about what gets dropped in most reactions, because of the very heartbreaking last minutes. Because I think the plot of the MotW was very compelling, and I loved how the storyline never veered into "fat-jokes" or something as demeaning. I loved that the pretty gypsy wanted to run away from her lean, clean husband with an overweight guy (who cheats, but still), saying that he loved her and called her his princess. I loved that Dean could relate to sometimes wanting something cushion-y in bed.
I really liked Mariska and her husband, who looked like the perfect villains, all clean and healthy and pretty. But they weren't! They actually helped people, even if the fat-sucking was quite disgusting. They did something good with their misfortune of Mariska having been born as something with a suction-trunk. And to be extra-clear, I BET that a lot of overweight people would go to that spa even if they knew someone was eating their fat. Because hello! It's gone, you lose weight and everyone can be happy. Does anyone think the beauty-surgery method of sucking fat is any less disgusting? It's not. It's also environment-friendly to use the fat and not throw it away. So all in all, it's a pity that things ended as they did for her. I felt really bad for Mariska - and I felt very sad for the woman on the treadmill, who tried to lose weight for her wedding. She was working so hard, and yet it wasn't enough, and then she got killed.
Life is not fair!
But ok, this is out of the way now, I can get to what I want to say about those last minutes. About Sam saying what he said and why he did it.
There's this theory that he's been influenced by the Mark of Cain - and while I see how that would make people happy, it wouldn't make it a happy thing for me.
"But why! Sam hurt Dean with his words, and if he wasn't responsible, Dean wouldn't feel so bad", people might say.
And I say: "Bull-Shit. It's the exact opposite, and to make things worse, you'd subject Sam to having his choices taken away AGAIN."
Why is it the opposite? Oh, well, let's see. Does anyone remember the siren? Sam said that he didn't mean those words, he wasn't responsible for them. Does anyone think that they hurt any less because of that? Or that the words he hauled at him when Ellicott was possessing him hurt any less? Does anyone think, even if it was the truth and Sam really didn't mean it, that Dean didn't have doubts?
Dean Winchester has always believed that there's no-one in the family who loves him the way he loves them. Maybe because subconsciously he knows that his utter devotion is not quite natural and not really normal? Maybe.
Whether it's true that they don't love as devastatingly or not isn't important, because for Dean it doesn't matter. He believes that, and everything that confirms his belief hurts doubly and only makes him believe more. Yes, it can be lies and deceit. It can be instigated by angels and demons - but even if all that would be a fact for Dean, he would still have this last flicker of doubt. And anything that would happen towards confirming his doubts would make him fall back on believing that he's expandable and would always be to his family. Sam saying "I wouldn't. Same circumstances, I wouldn't" was for Dean basically saying "I won't save you when you are dying", which for Dean would probably mean "I don't love you enough for that."
When in reality, Sam basically meant "I love you more than that. I value your choices more than I value my own happiness"
Now, that said, lets look at Sam here.
Sam had been possessed by an angel AND a demon (don't forget Crowley here). He'd been possessed before, by Meg and by Lucifer and Dean knew that Sam wouldn't want that again. Never. Because they used his body for their own purposes, used it to hurt and kill. If it's difficult to see how that would feel to him, try seeing it like being drugged and taken advantage of. The classical date-rape. And Dean, his brother, offered him up for that on purpose? Well, hell yes I would be pissed! Beyond pissed.
Once again, his choices have been taken away from him, and to make matters worse, his friend, only family and supposed protector , his big brother instigated that. On purpose!
Those weirdly inappropriate jokes about Sam being an episode of Teen-Mom maybe weren't just inappropriate jokes...
Bad enough that it happened, but Dean trusted to wrong angel and things got bad, really bad. Kevin died, other people died. Even saving Charlie from death won't override the bad here, because she'd probably not even be there if Sam hadn't been alive by that time.
Anyone having difficulty seeing why Sam is right to be angry?
What makes things a lot muggy is this: he's not screaming and punching and kicking out in anger. He's calm and collected, and so damn disappointed. He hears Dean saying "I'd do it again" and can only say "And that is the problem". Because while Dean said "I'd do anything to save you", he knows it also means "I'd do anything to save you, damn the consequences and damn the people that get hurt in the process."
Who would want that? Who would want to know that your brother would basically destroy the world to keep you alive? And worse - destroy your own free will? Override your wishes in the classic 'the outcome justifies the means' scenario. Dean wouldn't want that, if he were dying. He'd not want other people suffer and die just so he could live. How does he think Sam feels about it?
Well... he doesn't. That's the thing. Because of course Sam is right when he tells Dean that he saved him for Dean, not for Sam. Sam was ok with everything. Dean couldn't be alone. We all know that's true. And yes, THOSE are words that Dean needed to hear, just to have them on the outside and be able to look at them and examine them and see that oh,well... maybe he's got a point there.
The thing that hurt so much about that conversation wasn't only the words. It was the calm demeanour Sam had going, the caring voice and gentleness he used to deal that final blow.
And I might even respect Sam a lot more if the words were partly meant to be a blow. He could have explained what he was saying, explain all that he felt and say to his brother that Dean hurt him by lying and deceiving and betraying his wishes. Sam can't even now kill himself if he wanted to, because that would make all those who got sacrificed for his life meaningless. He could have said that to Dean - he was clearly calm enough to find the right words for Dean to understand.
He might have thought that what he actually said would be enough. I don't know, maybe he's giving Dean more credit here than is sensible. not because Dean is dumb, he's just never in his right mind when it's about his own life.
But Sam didn't explain. He left, probably knowing somewhere in his head that Dean didn't get it. Maybe he's thinking that there will be enough time to explain later, when he's not so tired and maybe when he's not still angry and disappointed.
If that were the case? If he lashed out in his calmness to deal a hurting blow, I'd be happy.
Because, to be honest, I never get Sam much. I get Dean to his core, don't know why. Maybe because we get more reasons for his behaviour from the show, or maybe because I just understand those reasons better... who knows. I feel for Dean, because while he deserves a slap to the face, or a punch in the gut, he might not deserve to get the confirmation about what he's been fearing for all his life: his love is a one-way street. Sam doesn't love him.
Don't hit me, I don't believe that's true! I'm just slipping into what I believe to be Dean's skin.
So, I'd be happy for Sam to do something I actually GET. I get anger. I get fury and bitterness. I get it when Dean punches Sam, even if he does it for the wrong reasons. I get the overwhelming urge to hurt someone, and the disability to do it any other way than with fists.
In Sam's case, he HAS another way. He doesn't use fists and force, he uses words. And if Sam used his words at least in parts intentionally to that purpose - well, that I get.
As I stated above, he has every right to bitterness and anger.
If he wanted to make Dean understand his point? Well... that was a big fail. I'm overusing this explanation, but I'll do it again, anyway:
Imagine you coming home to find your favourite, very valuable first edition of "The jungle books" chewed up by your dog. And in your anger about it, you kick the dog. While it's understandable to be angry and to lash out, the dog won't know what it did wrong. It will not get "Oh, I'm not supposed to eat books", it will only get "for some reason, my owner kicked me, I don't know what I did, but I'll try to be all small and apologetic so he won't do it again."
You might think now "Oh, my dog understood me, it feels sorry, lesson learned" - but of course that would be wrong. Because the dog didn't understand "eating books is bad", only that "my owner's foot can hurt me"
Just let me say that kicking your dog in such a situation is even worse than kicking your brother. Because a brother will get things in some way when you explain it later on, while your dog might never recover the trust it had before. You can tell your dog "I was just so mad" all you want - it won't get it.
Now, why do I feel like it would be bad if this whole conversation was influenced by the Mark of Cain?
Easy.
If this conversation was based on the Mark, it wouldn't make Dean think "oh, Sam didn't mean that. I'm glad, he really does love me". Nope, Mr D. Winchester would think "But maybe there's some truth behind those words, still? Maybe he doesn't really really love me?" and we would be back to square one, with Dean doubting his worth to what is left of his family.
And why would it be bad for Sam?
Well, that's even easier. He would have his choice and anger taken away and they'd be used to feed the curse on the Mark. His words and his intentions and his rightful anger would be used by something else, and they wouldn't hold any value. People (Dean) could always think and say "But that was the Mark of Cain speaking", and there would be NO accepting his point. Or even understanding. And I don't think Sam deserves that.
He deserves to say what he means, and he deserves to be angry and bitter. He deserves the chance to make his brother hurt, and he also deserves to see the consequences that might have on Dean and deal with them. It's part of the whole choice-procedure. You choose - there will be consequences. Bad ones and good ones, and both are payment and reward for your free will.
For me, and maybe for Dean, it would be a lot easier if Sam just punched him in the face. But that's not Sam's choice of weapon, and he deserves that choice as well.
So I'm talking about the episode which makes fans go completely bollocks over, flinging words of ...well, maybe as strong as hate but certainly misunderstanding, and wanting Sam to get monster-influenced once more.
I will first say something about what gets dropped in most reactions, because of the very heartbreaking last minutes. Because I think the plot of the MotW was very compelling, and I loved how the storyline never veered into "fat-jokes" or something as demeaning. I loved that the pretty gypsy wanted to run away from her lean, clean husband with an overweight guy (who cheats, but still), saying that he loved her and called her his princess. I loved that Dean could relate to sometimes wanting something cushion-y in bed.
I really liked Mariska and her husband, who looked like the perfect villains, all clean and healthy and pretty. But they weren't! They actually helped people, even if the fat-sucking was quite disgusting. They did something good with their misfortune of Mariska having been born as something with a suction-trunk. And to be extra-clear, I BET that a lot of overweight people would go to that spa even if they knew someone was eating their fat. Because hello! It's gone, you lose weight and everyone can be happy. Does anyone think the beauty-surgery method of sucking fat is any less disgusting? It's not. It's also environment-friendly to use the fat and not throw it away. So all in all, it's a pity that things ended as they did for her. I felt really bad for Mariska - and I felt very sad for the woman on the treadmill, who tried to lose weight for her wedding. She was working so hard, and yet it wasn't enough, and then she got killed.
Life is not fair!
But ok, this is out of the way now, I can get to what I want to say about those last minutes. About Sam saying what he said and why he did it.
There's this theory that he's been influenced by the Mark of Cain - and while I see how that would make people happy, it wouldn't make it a happy thing for me.
"But why! Sam hurt Dean with his words, and if he wasn't responsible, Dean wouldn't feel so bad", people might say.
And I say: "Bull-Shit. It's the exact opposite, and to make things worse, you'd subject Sam to having his choices taken away AGAIN."
Why is it the opposite? Oh, well, let's see. Does anyone remember the siren? Sam said that he didn't mean those words, he wasn't responsible for them. Does anyone think that they hurt any less because of that? Or that the words he hauled at him when Ellicott was possessing him hurt any less? Does anyone think, even if it was the truth and Sam really didn't mean it, that Dean didn't have doubts?
Dean Winchester has always believed that there's no-one in the family who loves him the way he loves them. Maybe because subconsciously he knows that his utter devotion is not quite natural and not really normal? Maybe.
Whether it's true that they don't love as devastatingly or not isn't important, because for Dean it doesn't matter. He believes that, and everything that confirms his belief hurts doubly and only makes him believe more. Yes, it can be lies and deceit. It can be instigated by angels and demons - but even if all that would be a fact for Dean, he would still have this last flicker of doubt. And anything that would happen towards confirming his doubts would make him fall back on believing that he's expandable and would always be to his family. Sam saying "I wouldn't. Same circumstances, I wouldn't" was for Dean basically saying "I won't save you when you are dying", which for Dean would probably mean "I don't love you enough for that."
When in reality, Sam basically meant "I love you more than that. I value your choices more than I value my own happiness"
Now, that said, lets look at Sam here.
Sam had been possessed by an angel AND a demon (don't forget Crowley here). He'd been possessed before, by Meg and by Lucifer and Dean knew that Sam wouldn't want that again. Never. Because they used his body for their own purposes, used it to hurt and kill. If it's difficult to see how that would feel to him, try seeing it like being drugged and taken advantage of. The classical date-rape. And Dean, his brother, offered him up for that on purpose? Well, hell yes I would be pissed! Beyond pissed.
Once again, his choices have been taken away from him, and to make matters worse, his friend, only family and supposed protector , his big brother instigated that. On purpose!
Those weirdly inappropriate jokes about Sam being an episode of Teen-Mom maybe weren't just inappropriate jokes...
Bad enough that it happened, but Dean trusted to wrong angel and things got bad, really bad. Kevin died, other people died. Even saving Charlie from death won't override the bad here, because she'd probably not even be there if Sam hadn't been alive by that time.
Anyone having difficulty seeing why Sam is right to be angry?
What makes things a lot muggy is this: he's not screaming and punching and kicking out in anger. He's calm and collected, and so damn disappointed. He hears Dean saying "I'd do it again" and can only say "And that is the problem". Because while Dean said "I'd do anything to save you", he knows it also means "I'd do anything to save you, damn the consequences and damn the people that get hurt in the process."
Who would want that? Who would want to know that your brother would basically destroy the world to keep you alive? And worse - destroy your own free will? Override your wishes in the classic 'the outcome justifies the means' scenario. Dean wouldn't want that, if he were dying. He'd not want other people suffer and die just so he could live. How does he think Sam feels about it?
Well... he doesn't. That's the thing. Because of course Sam is right when he tells Dean that he saved him for Dean, not for Sam. Sam was ok with everything. Dean couldn't be alone. We all know that's true. And yes, THOSE are words that Dean needed to hear, just to have them on the outside and be able to look at them and examine them and see that oh,well... maybe he's got a point there.
The thing that hurt so much about that conversation wasn't only the words. It was the calm demeanour Sam had going, the caring voice and gentleness he used to deal that final blow.
And I might even respect Sam a lot more if the words were partly meant to be a blow. He could have explained what he was saying, explain all that he felt and say to his brother that Dean hurt him by lying and deceiving and betraying his wishes. Sam can't even now kill himself if he wanted to, because that would make all those who got sacrificed for his life meaningless. He could have said that to Dean - he was clearly calm enough to find the right words for Dean to understand.
He might have thought that what he actually said would be enough. I don't know, maybe he's giving Dean more credit here than is sensible. not because Dean is dumb, he's just never in his right mind when it's about his own life.
But Sam didn't explain. He left, probably knowing somewhere in his head that Dean didn't get it. Maybe he's thinking that there will be enough time to explain later, when he's not so tired and maybe when he's not still angry and disappointed.
If that were the case? If he lashed out in his calmness to deal a hurting blow, I'd be happy.
Because, to be honest, I never get Sam much. I get Dean to his core, don't know why. Maybe because we get more reasons for his behaviour from the show, or maybe because I just understand those reasons better... who knows. I feel for Dean, because while he deserves a slap to the face, or a punch in the gut, he might not deserve to get the confirmation about what he's been fearing for all his life: his love is a one-way street. Sam doesn't love him.
Don't hit me, I don't believe that's true! I'm just slipping into what I believe to be Dean's skin.
So, I'd be happy for Sam to do something I actually GET. I get anger. I get fury and bitterness. I get it when Dean punches Sam, even if he does it for the wrong reasons. I get the overwhelming urge to hurt someone, and the disability to do it any other way than with fists.
In Sam's case, he HAS another way. He doesn't use fists and force, he uses words. And if Sam used his words at least in parts intentionally to that purpose - well, that I get.
As I stated above, he has every right to bitterness and anger.
If he wanted to make Dean understand his point? Well... that was a big fail. I'm overusing this explanation, but I'll do it again, anyway:
Imagine you coming home to find your favourite, very valuable first edition of "The jungle books" chewed up by your dog. And in your anger about it, you kick the dog. While it's understandable to be angry and to lash out, the dog won't know what it did wrong. It will not get "Oh, I'm not supposed to eat books", it will only get "for some reason, my owner kicked me, I don't know what I did, but I'll try to be all small and apologetic so he won't do it again."
You might think now "Oh, my dog understood me, it feels sorry, lesson learned" - but of course that would be wrong. Because the dog didn't understand "eating books is bad", only that "my owner's foot can hurt me"
Just let me say that kicking your dog in such a situation is even worse than kicking your brother. Because a brother will get things in some way when you explain it later on, while your dog might never recover the trust it had before. You can tell your dog "I was just so mad" all you want - it won't get it.
Now, why do I feel like it would be bad if this whole conversation was influenced by the Mark of Cain?
Easy.
If this conversation was based on the Mark, it wouldn't make Dean think "oh, Sam didn't mean that. I'm glad, he really does love me". Nope, Mr D. Winchester would think "But maybe there's some truth behind those words, still? Maybe he doesn't really really love me?" and we would be back to square one, with Dean doubting his worth to what is left of his family.
And why would it be bad for Sam?
Well, that's even easier. He would have his choice and anger taken away and they'd be used to feed the curse on the Mark. His words and his intentions and his rightful anger would be used by something else, and they wouldn't hold any value. People (Dean) could always think and say "But that was the Mark of Cain speaking", and there would be NO accepting his point. Or even understanding. And I don't think Sam deserves that.
He deserves to say what he means, and he deserves to be angry and bitter. He deserves the chance to make his brother hurt, and he also deserves to see the consequences that might have on Dean and deal with them. It's part of the whole choice-procedure. You choose - there will be consequences. Bad ones and good ones, and both are payment and reward for your free will.
For me, and maybe for Dean, it would be a lot easier if Sam just punched him in the face. But that's not Sam's choice of weapon, and he deserves that choice as well.