thoughts of a mad woman

[marlita]

I can't understand or begin to comprehend why on earth someone who is supposed to be family could act this way towards me. I'm sitting here dumbfounded because she seems to think that all she does is extremely important and well I can't blame her because her loving mother just feeds her ego like an emaciated dog having food for the first time. Yet she doesn't see that I am pulling just as long a day as she is, or even longer but no there's no way of deflating that ego that has become her. In a way I'm glad this has happened for the fact that I have come to see who my family is and family doesn't necessarily have to mean blood relatives. I know I have the rest of my family behind me and supporting me and their faith in me gives me the drive when i thought i had lost it all. But her...she who I stopped my life for everytime she called, the person who has considered me a financial crutch, she who has not helped raise me in contrast i helped raise her. She finally bit the hand that's fed her so to speak. Fool me once shame on you...Fool me twice shame on me. I won't be sticking around long enough to blame myself. Character, Charisma, Heart are things she does not and i believe will never posess...especially when it comes to thoughts of the heart. She has none. She's cold as ice with coal for a heart and yet she bleeds. Not the same blood as I. My blood runs red while my tears run black and her...her blood is black and her tears are a poison. I always knew that had it not been for our blood line I would never have part in the life of a person such as she. Now I guess I'll be able to bring those words into reality. I'm hurt and although I may cry I won't cry for her, I'll cry for myself for ever having to deal with all the shit I did when it came to her. She and her mother are exceptionally alike both wearing a mask in the crowd and a mask for themselves. Never being completely whole until they've managed to destroy the dreams of another, but not I, I will not be another shattered heart in their path. I will continue, I will prevail.

Who is this she you must wonder. The she is no other but my sister [by blood not choice].