yay!

[marleyisnarley]

its 10:30 and i decided to not go out because i want to spend the last hour in a half of 2005 by my self. your probably thing "how gay is that" which is fine but fuck it i like myself better then i like everyone else. at 12 im going to go upstairs tell my aunt and my oma happy new years call my parents at the hosiptal tell them happy new years and then im going to come down here and start drinking by myself because people are retarted when they drink and i want to get drunk but not with morons and like i said i like myself better. then when im nice a drunk im going to dance in my basement and laugh and say "fuck the world" and laugh some more. i ended the year in my eyes as a bang or a big step in my life and so im going to start the year with a big bang. this last month of the year has been the worse month of my life and im having a feeling its going to run into the new year which sucks. i hope it doesnt however. i could of wish i had pot but i dont :( i have drinkage and i have robatusin but i was always told not to mix medicine and achol so i wont, because i dont want to die. surprizingly i want to live a little bit more and see what happens in my life. yesterday i got alot of my chest and it felt pretty good and so far i have no response on it and im starting to realize its not happening but i want it to so bad. i cant keep my mind of it and i was listening to a song today and i realized every fucking line in the song i understand what hes talking about. its my dads cd and i remeber the song and remeber just thinking good song in a way. and even yesterday when i was listening to it i never picked up on it and then today i put it on and i remeber hearing a line " i dont want to be in love but your making me" and i was like wow thats very true and i start listening to it and its fucking scary how everything matches up with me and i understand exactly what hes singing about. its almost as if i wrote the song....heres the lyrics to explain how i feel about this person.

Every day I see your face I wish I'd stayed
Don't even know what made me run away
It's just the way I play the game

Emotional is not a word I'd use to explain myself
But now I'm down upon my knees
Baby please take me back

I don't want to be in love but you're makin' me
Let me up I've had enough. Girl you're breakin' me

Here I am just half a man standing alone
Feeling like I lost my only chance
At happiness when I let you go

I don't want to be alone thinkin' bout you girl
I got nothin' left to hold in this lonely world

[Solo]

The first time my heart was ever touched
Was the day I lost your love
I can feel it in my flesh and blood
My soul can only take it so much

So there it is. Why can't you give us one more try
You and I could find a way to live
If you let me in one more time

I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe
Can I make you understand, can I make you see
That I'm desperate for your love and it's breakin' me

It's breakin' me

Jonny Lang - Breakin' Me

this is going to be the first song i listen to in 2006