I have remained silent long enough...

[marlesbian]

My girlfriend of the last 2 1/2 years and I broke up 5 weeks ago. I hurt her terribly... I lied, mostly through omission. I cheated on her as well... even though we were in an open relationship, I ended up having sex with the one person I was forbidden to do so with. I never wanted it to have to come to this, and I really wish now that I would have had the guts to end it sooner. I was so afraid of hurting her, and scared to be alone myself, that I put off the inevitable for far too long. As much as I hoped that my feelings for her would change over time, through the course of our relationship, it was always uneven between us. She was so in love with me, and although I loved and cared deeply for her, loving someone and being "in love" are two things that are completely different from each other. All in all, she treated me very well, the best of any girlfriend I've had. I tried my best to be a good girlfriend in return, and I think that I did do a good job of that. She was happy most of the time. We had a lot of good times together...a lot of love, and I hoped that we would continue to be friends after the immediate pain of the break up wore off. Unfortunately, that seems extremely unlikely now.

This whole thing has been a new experience for me...usually I'm the one who ends up with the broken heart.I am not a bad person, but I did make some bad decisions, and for that, I am truly sorry.

There is a lot more to say, but I don't feel like writing anymore tonight...it is very late.