Fucking depression
It's one of those days today, one where I wish I was dead, not because I want to die, but because I'm just so fucking tired of feeling like this. There are a lot of reasons...most pressing, I'm sure, is the fact that I haven't had my proper dose of Prozac since Saturday. The pharmacy hasn't been able to contact my doctor so that she can authorize more refills. In that same vein, I've been trying for the last month to get my Medi-cal straightened out...my re-determination of elegibility is due this Saturday, and I can't for the life of me get ahold of my social worker. I've called her every day for the last 2 weeks, and she hasn't called me back once!
My mother is at the doctor today having some kind of semi-invasive scan and possible biopsy, cause she's been bleeding for the last 4 months, and at 62 she shouldn't be having her period at all anyway. So they're going to try to figure out what's happening inside her, and I'm worried about what they're gonna find.
My statistics class is starting to get really difficult. I don't understand the material, and our first big test is on Monday. I'm having a very hard time concentrating (enhanced by the depression) to study.
My job is also starting to get to me. I feel completely unappreciated. Joyce is mentally abusive to me, and she's never happy with anything I do. I spend most of my life stuck here in this house. Yesterday, when I came home after taking a couple hours to pick up Dylan from school and to go get a new phone and plan (my old one, Cingular, slapped me with a $320 bill last month, on LOCAL calls), Joyce said as I came in, "You're gone so much, I'm thinking that I should be charging you rent." Fuck that! I do everything around this house...I even have to clean her cat's ass cause she's too fat and inflexible to do it herself!
So, I guess there are many reasons for my dark mood, even more that I don't feel like writing about now. It's all so frustrating. I hate feeling like I'm getting sucked into that depression whirlpool...I start feeling powerless and loose hope that I can fix any of it. It's exponential.
My mother is at the doctor today having some kind of semi-invasive scan and possible biopsy, cause she's been bleeding for the last 4 months, and at 62 she shouldn't be having her period at all anyway. So they're going to try to figure out what's happening inside her, and I'm worried about what they're gonna find.
My statistics class is starting to get really difficult. I don't understand the material, and our first big test is on Monday. I'm having a very hard time concentrating (enhanced by the depression) to study.
My job is also starting to get to me. I feel completely unappreciated. Joyce is mentally abusive to me, and she's never happy with anything I do. I spend most of my life stuck here in this house. Yesterday, when I came home after taking a couple hours to pick up Dylan from school and to go get a new phone and plan (my old one, Cingular, slapped me with a $320 bill last month, on LOCAL calls), Joyce said as I came in, "You're gone so much, I'm thinking that I should be charging you rent." Fuck that! I do everything around this house...I even have to clean her cat's ass cause she's too fat and inflexible to do it herself!
So, I guess there are many reasons for my dark mood, even more that I don't feel like writing about now. It's all so frustrating. I hate feeling like I'm getting sucked into that depression whirlpool...I start feeling powerless and loose hope that I can fix any of it. It's exponential.