the end

[marlboro_lc]

i finally broke it off with stephen on friday night. i guess i was acting weird and he could tell something was up. it was falling apart for me for a long time. i just...i loved him but i wasn't happy with him.  it broke my heart to hurt him. he stayed over that night...we held each other all night...and cried. the love died :'( i'm so sorry that i hurt you stephen...i just couldn't hold on any longer. i don't regret any of our time together...i don't feel like it was a waste...i learned so much from him. what hurts the most is losing my best friend. and the fact that he will probably end up hating me. he posted a fb status saying "you will be sorry when you realize what you've done." it sucks. hopefully we can maybe be friends again once we're both over each other and move on. he treated me better than any other boyfriend i've had. i'm so sorry...i just want to tell him over and over again. i miss him, but i know i can't go back...i'd be unhappy again. it's so much harder this way...it would be easier if i hated him.  
he will be okay...i just have to remember that. he will find strength eventually and will move on...and maybe forgive me for breaking his heart. it's just awful knowing he's in pain, which is why i put it off so many times. it just wasn't meant to be, for me. who knows...maybe someday i'll be in a different place in my life and we'll meet again...but maybe not. i know we'll both be happy again with time. it hurts so bad right now though. it hurts to let go of something you worked so hard for. i'm sorry stephen. i wanted it to work out, i really did. i just wasn't happy anymore. please forgive me. :'( i'm sorry.