Letters of A Painful Love
Title: Letters of A Painful Love
Pairing: YamaChii
Genre: angst
Rating: G
Dear Yuri,
First of all, I would like you to know that this would be my last letter to you, and it isn’t a love letter anymore.....or maybe it is.
I still remember the first time I saw you, sitting on a bench at the bus stop. I don’t know why but I just found myself approaching you. Maybe because of your presence that stands out among the rest of the people there. Or maybe it was love at first sight. I sat beside you for a few minutes. Call me a thick-faced but because of curiosity, with a smile I asked if you’re also waiting for the bus. I just realized what a foolish question I had. Of course, it’s obvious that you’re there waiting for the bus. I was just nervous that time. You looked at me but you didn’t even said a word and looked away again. I felt embarrassed that time and thought you’re mean. Despite your action, I still found myself replaying that moment in my head in a slow motion- the way you twitch your brows, slightly pouted lips and your eyes that expresses something deeper yet I just can’t comprehend.
I was happy the moment the bus came ‘cause we rode the same bus, stopped at the same village and to my heart’s delight, I found out that you’re my new neighbor. Since then, I always try things just for you to notice me. And alas! One day, you’ve noticed me and smiled at me for the first time. That moment, you stole my breath away and I thought I am already in heaven. That was also the time I admitted to myself that I love you.
You just don’t know how happy I am when you talked to me for the very first time. Hearing your voice made me think of an angel singing from above. We became friends but you still kept a part of yourself at a distance but that didn’t let me love you less because for every day that God gave me, I just found myself falling in love with you deeper and deeper until I can’t contain it to myself anymore.
I confessed my feelings to you and at the same time fearing that I might lose you. You just stared at me unbelieving. I said “I love you” and with a feeling of defeat, I slowly walked away from you. But you grabbed my arm and kissed me on the lips. I was so overwhelmed that I wish I could stop time and just let that moment lasts.
After that day, we were inseparable. We do things just like what couples do. Although I never heard you say that you love me, I felt that you love me too. I thought to myself that I’ll just wait for the time that you’re ready and I can finally hear those words from you. However, until now, I never heard those and will never be.
You started acting weird. One night, you called and told me to meet you. I thought you’ll finally say that you also love me too. However, I’m wrong. I still remember it clearly.
“I’m going home tomorrow.”
"Why so sudden? When will you come back?" I said with my brows furrowed with your sudden announcement.
"I'm not going back anymore."
“How about our relationship.” Panic already crept in to me.
“We don’t have any relationship, Ryosuke.” Ouch. That hurts.
“B-but... how about those times we’re together. I know you love me too.”
“You’re just imagining things. Besides, I never said I love you, did I? I was just fooling around, Ryosuke. You know, I’m on vacation and I’m bored. Thanks for keeping me company anyway. I enjoyed it, really.” You said that with a cold tone with those cold staring eyes. Your eyes full of warmth then can't be seen now, as if it never existed.
As you said those words, you also broke my heart into pieces. And as you left me there crying, you made it turn to ashes.
Who are you to hurt my heart so deeply, Yuri? You’re so mean. Your “love” is like a game yet I loved you without holding back. It turns out that loving you made me feel wronged. That night, I cried my heart out. I used to be persistent but it seems you don’t care. I’m left into ruins with no one. It’s been a year and maybe it’s time to move on now.
I’ll try my best not to think of you anymore, Yuri.
Moving on,
Ryosuke
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Dear Ryosuke,
How are you now? I hope you're okay now. I hope you're not hurting anymore. I'm sorry.
The very first time I saw you, I thought you are meek. However, sometimes first impressions are wrong. And you proved it when you talked to me, a stranger.
I think it’s right for you to know the truth. I came to your country for the very reason of seeking revenge against my father who left me and my Mom after getting her pregnant. Though my Mom showered me with material wealth, I lacked the feeling of being loved. That’s why I grew up with a heart like a stone. Not being able to love and to feel being loved. But you slowly crept your way to my heart, Ryosuke. I just found myself in love to you. You just don’t know happy I am when you confessed your feelings to me. However, I can’t just say that I love you too until I still feel hatred in my heart.
Yes, Ryosuke, I can still remember those moments, every detail of it. I remember how you do silly things just to get my attention. I remember how your smiles and laughter can easily cheer my mood up. I remember how your eyes looked into mine as you held my hands and told me you love me. Life with you is a bliss.
Just the day I’ve decided to let go of my hatred, I receive two news that made me say those things that night. I don’t mean to hurt you but I know that that is the best thing to do.
It’s been a year and I miss you when something good happens because you’re the one I want to share it with. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent each other for those for those were the best and most memorable times of my life.
This is my life without you, rainy and dark, empty and silent, in slow motion and impatient. And this life will end so soon. And leukemia will be my reaper.
This is goodbye, Ryosuke. Thanks for the great journey. Thanks for making me feel loved. I never gave so much of my time to anyone but you. I never regret anything. Thanks for the wonderful experience and great memories. What we had is something that I will always treasure until my last breath. I’m happy you’re moving on. I wish you’ll find your true happiness.
P.S. I love you.....my half-brother.
Loving you from the start,
Yuri
*OWARI*
That's it. I myself think that something's lacking with this.lol. Anyway, this is written within that week after JUMP's concert. I felt so down about Yamachan's fanservice with the others aside from Chii (blame my YamaChii shipper's heart). And so here's the result.
Let me know about your opinion,ne? (^_^)
Pairing: YamaChii
Genre: angst
Rating: G
Dear Yuri,
First of all, I would like you to know that this would be my last letter to you, and it isn’t a love letter anymore.....or maybe it is.
I still remember the first time I saw you, sitting on a bench at the bus stop. I don’t know why but I just found myself approaching you. Maybe because of your presence that stands out among the rest of the people there. Or maybe it was love at first sight. I sat beside you for a few minutes. Call me a thick-faced but because of curiosity, with a smile I asked if you’re also waiting for the bus. I just realized what a foolish question I had. Of course, it’s obvious that you’re there waiting for the bus. I was just nervous that time. You looked at me but you didn’t even said a word and looked away again. I felt embarrassed that time and thought you’re mean. Despite your action, I still found myself replaying that moment in my head in a slow motion- the way you twitch your brows, slightly pouted lips and your eyes that expresses something deeper yet I just can’t comprehend.
I was happy the moment the bus came ‘cause we rode the same bus, stopped at the same village and to my heart’s delight, I found out that you’re my new neighbor. Since then, I always try things just for you to notice me. And alas! One day, you’ve noticed me and smiled at me for the first time. That moment, you stole my breath away and I thought I am already in heaven. That was also the time I admitted to myself that I love you.
You just don’t know how happy I am when you talked to me for the very first time. Hearing your voice made me think of an angel singing from above. We became friends but you still kept a part of yourself at a distance but that didn’t let me love you less because for every day that God gave me, I just found myself falling in love with you deeper and deeper until I can’t contain it to myself anymore.
I confessed my feelings to you and at the same time fearing that I might lose you. You just stared at me unbelieving. I said “I love you” and with a feeling of defeat, I slowly walked away from you. But you grabbed my arm and kissed me on the lips. I was so overwhelmed that I wish I could stop time and just let that moment lasts.
After that day, we were inseparable. We do things just like what couples do. Although I never heard you say that you love me, I felt that you love me too. I thought to myself that I’ll just wait for the time that you’re ready and I can finally hear those words from you. However, until now, I never heard those and will never be.
You started acting weird. One night, you called and told me to meet you. I thought you’ll finally say that you also love me too. However, I’m wrong. I still remember it clearly.
“I’m going home tomorrow.”
"Why so sudden? When will you come back?" I said with my brows furrowed with your sudden announcement.
"I'm not going back anymore."
“How about our relationship.” Panic already crept in to me.
“We don’t have any relationship, Ryosuke.” Ouch. That hurts.
“B-but... how about those times we’re together. I know you love me too.”
“You’re just imagining things. Besides, I never said I love you, did I? I was just fooling around, Ryosuke. You know, I’m on vacation and I’m bored. Thanks for keeping me company anyway. I enjoyed it, really.” You said that with a cold tone with those cold staring eyes. Your eyes full of warmth then can't be seen now, as if it never existed.
As you said those words, you also broke my heart into pieces. And as you left me there crying, you made it turn to ashes.
Who are you to hurt my heart so deeply, Yuri? You’re so mean. Your “love” is like a game yet I loved you without holding back. It turns out that loving you made me feel wronged. That night, I cried my heart out. I used to be persistent but it seems you don’t care. I’m left into ruins with no one. It’s been a year and maybe it’s time to move on now.
I’ll try my best not to think of you anymore, Yuri.
Moving on,
Ryosuke
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Dear Ryosuke,
How are you now? I hope you're okay now. I hope you're not hurting anymore. I'm sorry.
The very first time I saw you, I thought you are meek. However, sometimes first impressions are wrong. And you proved it when you talked to me, a stranger.
I think it’s right for you to know the truth. I came to your country for the very reason of seeking revenge against my father who left me and my Mom after getting her pregnant. Though my Mom showered me with material wealth, I lacked the feeling of being loved. That’s why I grew up with a heart like a stone. Not being able to love and to feel being loved. But you slowly crept your way to my heart, Ryosuke. I just found myself in love to you. You just don’t know happy I am when you confessed your feelings to me. However, I can’t just say that I love you too until I still feel hatred in my heart.
Yes, Ryosuke, I can still remember those moments, every detail of it. I remember how you do silly things just to get my attention. I remember how your smiles and laughter can easily cheer my mood up. I remember how your eyes looked into mine as you held my hands and told me you love me. Life with you is a bliss.
Just the day I’ve decided to let go of my hatred, I receive two news that made me say those things that night. I don’t mean to hurt you but I know that that is the best thing to do.
It’s been a year and I miss you when something good happens because you’re the one I want to share it with. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent each other for those for those were the best and most memorable times of my life.
This is my life without you, rainy and dark, empty and silent, in slow motion and impatient. And this life will end so soon. And leukemia will be my reaper.
This is goodbye, Ryosuke. Thanks for the great journey. Thanks for making me feel loved. I never gave so much of my time to anyone but you. I never regret anything. Thanks for the wonderful experience and great memories. What we had is something that I will always treasure until my last breath. I’m happy you’re moving on. I wish you’ll find your true happiness.
P.S. I love you.....my half-brother.
Loving you from the start,
Yuri
*OWARI*
That's it. I myself think that something's lacking with this.lol. Anyway, this is written within that week after JUMP's concert. I felt so down about Yamachan's fanservice with the others aside from Chii (blame my YamaChii shipper's heart). And so here's the result.
Let me know about your opinion,ne? (^_^)