(no subject)
I don't understand anything. I don't understand why I am being punished for his inability to cope. I don't understand why he can't cope at all. I don't understand anything! It doesn't fit into this format. Why did he have to leave me? I've never been able to not let something go like this.What makes him so much different from the people of my past that I do not want him to leave me? And how come everytime I mention it, it sounds as though we had a break-up? We've never had anything to break up from. Anyway, I feel like crap. Things always work out to where they are starting to get good, then something else comes through and screws it all up. I was finally over my last two years of high school, and then they repeat. I suppose the best thing to protect myself would be not to get over this, that way I'll never be able to make any new friends to get the opportunity to leave me. Well, even I realize that is a stupid thought.
I just want the pain to go away, and I want to move on. No, that's not what I want at all. I want him to come back. I need him in my life for the time-being. He is, IS, one of my favorite friends, and he makes me want to be such a better person. And he wants me to try to fit into society, and accept it, rather than push everyone away. Because that is what I do- I push people away. I even pushed him away. It has to be my fault. I had to do something to make him feel the way he does, otherwise, he would not allow me to suffer. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Amanda told me that saying it aloud would make me feel better when she heard my crying into Valerie's pillow already changed into my pajamas at 7'o clock or so.
I do not know if I do. I feel like an idiot, though. I do not tend to fight for what I want. But when he left me, I chased after him, twice. I would normally never allow myself to look like a fool. Maybe I will write more later.
I just want the pain to go away, and I want to move on. No, that's not what I want at all. I want him to come back. I need him in my life for the time-being. He is, IS, one of my favorite friends, and he makes me want to be such a better person. And he wants me to try to fit into society, and accept it, rather than push everyone away. Because that is what I do- I push people away. I even pushed him away. It has to be my fault. I had to do something to make him feel the way he does, otherwise, he would not allow me to suffer. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Amanda told me that saying it aloud would make me feel better when she heard my crying into Valerie's pillow already changed into my pajamas at 7'o clock or so.
I do not know if I do. I feel like an idiot, though. I do not tend to fight for what I want. But when he left me, I chased after him, twice. I would normally never allow myself to look like a fool. Maybe I will write more later.