AU Summer: Private Thoughts
There's this rational part of my mind that screams to think rationally and not jump to conclusions. Unfortunately, this is also the part of my mind that told me not to jump into bed with my best friend's wife, so of course it's the voice I listen to the least.
Who is this guy? And why has Addie never mentioned him before?
I feel like there's this horrible double standard at work here.
I'm supposed to open up and talk about my friends-- who I go get coffee with, but she doesn't feel obligated to tell me she's been running around Seattle with some strange man that I've never heard of. I'm expected to tell her everything about how I'm feeling, yet it's perfectly acceptable for her to clam up and not share.
This is driving me insane. This woman is seriously driving me up the wall.
What is it about her that makes my world turn on it's head and nothing make sense?
I keep telling myself not to form such a low opinion of Addie-- sure, she and I began as an affair, but that was after years of flirtation and friendship and unrequited love... at least on my end. But that doesn't mean she's a repeat offender-- that doesn't mean that when she's not satisfied, she'll go looking for what she wants elsewhere... right?
Is this why when I mentioned moving in together that she didn't want to talk about it? Because of this guy?
I didn't want to tell her that the reason I wouldn't answer her question about wanting children and a family is because after she refused to consider moving in together, she got me so scared that this isn't going to work out. Why would I admit to something that would get my heart trampled on a second time?
I never understood those guys that would propose to a girl and not already know the answer. Why would you do something so stupid as to throw yourself out there if there's the possiblity of it being thrown in your face? So, yes, I have considered marriage and a family, but that is such a long way off, because at this point, I don't know the answer-- and I'd never ask a question unless I knew, or at least had a strong inkling what the answer would be.
And right now, I don't know a damned thing.
Who is this guy? And why has Addie never mentioned him before?
I feel like there's this horrible double standard at work here.
I'm supposed to open up and talk about my friends-- who I go get coffee with, but she doesn't feel obligated to tell me she's been running around Seattle with some strange man that I've never heard of. I'm expected to tell her everything about how I'm feeling, yet it's perfectly acceptable for her to clam up and not share.
This is driving me insane. This woman is seriously driving me up the wall.
What is it about her that makes my world turn on it's head and nothing make sense?
I keep telling myself not to form such a low opinion of Addie-- sure, she and I began as an affair, but that was after years of flirtation and friendship and unrequited love... at least on my end. But that doesn't mean she's a repeat offender-- that doesn't mean that when she's not satisfied, she'll go looking for what she wants elsewhere... right?
Is this why when I mentioned moving in together that she didn't want to talk about it? Because of this guy?
I didn't want to tell her that the reason I wouldn't answer her question about wanting children and a family is because after she refused to consider moving in together, she got me so scared that this isn't going to work out. Why would I admit to something that would get my heart trampled on a second time?
I never understood those guys that would propose to a girl and not already know the answer. Why would you do something so stupid as to throw yourself out there if there's the possiblity of it being thrown in your face? So, yes, I have considered marriage and a family, but that is such a long way off, because at this point, I don't know the answer-- and I'd never ask a question unless I knew, or at least had a strong inkling what the answer would be.
And right now, I don't know a damned thing.