(no subject)
The Perks of being Straight-Edge
The fact of the matter is, I'm not sure why I'm straight-edge. I often find myself pondering this right after some clueless, ignorant bastard questions my choice. "You don't drink? Why?" asks the simpleton, "how do you have fun?" That's the one that gets me. 'How do you have fun?' Are you serious? Of course my answer is obviously "you don't have to be drunk or high to have fun." But what nobody seems to understand is that once that question pops up, there is no chance for a friendship between the two of us. Now, if you've met me, I'm a pretty nice guy, no matter how self-centered that may sound, it's true. I try to give everyone a chance. But when someone insults me, yes, insults me, by questioning my goddamned ability to have fun or the choice that I make, it completely severs the possibility of any real friendship. Fuck you, it's my goddamn life and I am in charge of it. I don't need some nut sack patronizing me, because, no matter how liberal or pro-gay you are, when you ask a straight-edge that, it's like asking a homosexual why they chose to be gay. But what does that say about the "cool" kid? If I had my say in it, I'd say that they are the ones that don't know how to have fun. They are the ones so dull that they have to turn to mind altering substances to enjoy themselves.
Now I've been down that dim road of alcohol, cigarettes and pot. Starting in eighth grade, I drank every weekend, I'd smoke a cigarette every now and then, then in ninth grade I started smoking 'the reefer.' Oh what glorious times they were! The fleeting euphoric moods, the crazy stories. It was totally worth it. Then something happened. Almost as quickly as I began, in tenth grade I stopped for no particular reason really. The urge was gone, just like that, even for cigarettes. I don't know what it was, but I know what it wasn't. It wasn't that I minded narrowly evading being caught by parents, it wasn't that I thought the feeling I got just didn't do it for me anymore, and it wasn't the fact that in ninth grade one weekend I was rushed to the hospital late one night for consuming too much alcohol. I don't remember much as I went in and out of consciousness, but I was told afterwards that I could've died (and I don't say that for the dramatic effect, I say that because it's true). No, not even that stopped me as I continued drinking through that summer. But for some reason, I just stopped. I met friends that were straight-edge and began hanging out with them more. For a long time, everything was great. It was like it was cool to be straight-edge. But then other friends started to drink and smoke again, and when that happened, things changed. Friends who were straight-edge and friends who claimed they were straight-edge began outwardly bragging about their crazy experiences while under-the-influence. And this is where that void between straight-edgers and the "cool" kids comes into play. When I hear, or read for that matter, about parties where things get crazy, or lesbian experiences (don't get me wrong, lesbians and lesbian experiences are all cool in my book, make no mistake), or just the subtle phrase "yeah, we went drinking," or "yeah, we smoked up a bit," I get this sick feeling in between my stomach and heart. It's weird. And no matter how good of friends We were, be it Best friends or long time chums, it is this feeling that pulls us apart. I desperately don't want this to happen to us, but I don't know how to prevent it. If I directly denounce them for what they did then I'll end up being scorned for it, if I try to act like I don't care by laughing at their story or trying to relate it ends up in an awkward silence that I don't know how to escape.
As of now, there are two recent instances worth being noted where this has happened. One I fear is too far gone to be able to return to the way we were, and the other is one I care about immensely and I can't stand the thought of losing the same way.
I don't write this to try to evoke sympathy from anyone. I don't write this to try to condemn the "cool" kids out there. And I certainly don't write this to make myself or the path of the straight-edger to sound righteous. I write it because I seek advice on how to keep this mere difference from destroying friendships because it shouldn't.
Be careful out there and best of all wishes,
Mark
The fact of the matter is, I'm not sure why I'm straight-edge. I often find myself pondering this right after some clueless, ignorant bastard questions my choice. "You don't drink? Why?" asks the simpleton, "how do you have fun?" That's the one that gets me. 'How do you have fun?' Are you serious? Of course my answer is obviously "you don't have to be drunk or high to have fun." But what nobody seems to understand is that once that question pops up, there is no chance for a friendship between the two of us. Now, if you've met me, I'm a pretty nice guy, no matter how self-centered that may sound, it's true. I try to give everyone a chance. But when someone insults me, yes, insults me, by questioning my goddamned ability to have fun or the choice that I make, it completely severs the possibility of any real friendship. Fuck you, it's my goddamn life and I am in charge of it. I don't need some nut sack patronizing me, because, no matter how liberal or pro-gay you are, when you ask a straight-edge that, it's like asking a homosexual why they chose to be gay. But what does that say about the "cool" kid? If I had my say in it, I'd say that they are the ones that don't know how to have fun. They are the ones so dull that they have to turn to mind altering substances to enjoy themselves.
Now I've been down that dim road of alcohol, cigarettes and pot. Starting in eighth grade, I drank every weekend, I'd smoke a cigarette every now and then, then in ninth grade I started smoking 'the reefer.' Oh what glorious times they were! The fleeting euphoric moods, the crazy stories. It was totally worth it. Then something happened. Almost as quickly as I began, in tenth grade I stopped for no particular reason really. The urge was gone, just like that, even for cigarettes. I don't know what it was, but I know what it wasn't. It wasn't that I minded narrowly evading being caught by parents, it wasn't that I thought the feeling I got just didn't do it for me anymore, and it wasn't the fact that in ninth grade one weekend I was rushed to the hospital late one night for consuming too much alcohol. I don't remember much as I went in and out of consciousness, but I was told afterwards that I could've died (and I don't say that for the dramatic effect, I say that because it's true). No, not even that stopped me as I continued drinking through that summer. But for some reason, I just stopped. I met friends that were straight-edge and began hanging out with them more. For a long time, everything was great. It was like it was cool to be straight-edge. But then other friends started to drink and smoke again, and when that happened, things changed. Friends who were straight-edge and friends who claimed they were straight-edge began outwardly bragging about their crazy experiences while under-the-influence. And this is where that void between straight-edgers and the "cool" kids comes into play. When I hear, or read for that matter, about parties where things get crazy, or lesbian experiences (don't get me wrong, lesbians and lesbian experiences are all cool in my book, make no mistake), or just the subtle phrase "yeah, we went drinking," or "yeah, we smoked up a bit," I get this sick feeling in between my stomach and heart. It's weird. And no matter how good of friends We were, be it Best friends or long time chums, it is this feeling that pulls us apart. I desperately don't want this to happen to us, but I don't know how to prevent it. If I directly denounce them for what they did then I'll end up being scorned for it, if I try to act like I don't care by laughing at their story or trying to relate it ends up in an awkward silence that I don't know how to escape.
As of now, there are two recent instances worth being noted where this has happened. One I fear is too far gone to be able to return to the way we were, and the other is one I care about immensely and I can't stand the thought of losing the same way.
I don't write this to try to evoke sympathy from anyone. I don't write this to try to condemn the "cool" kids out there. And I certainly don't write this to make myself or the path of the straight-edger to sound righteous. I write it because I seek advice on how to keep this mere difference from destroying friendships because it shouldn't.
Be careful out there and best of all wishes,
Mark