(no subject)
Wow... What a ridiculous state of mind I'm living in these days.
Love and hate never seemed closer to me than they do now, and I really wonder how it is that I keep going on day after day on no sleep, wondering endlessly.
I long for a quick resolution, but there's absolutely nothing to indicate that this is going to happen. I feel like I'm trapped in a slow torture chamber, and that the relase button is actually within reach, but I just refuse to push it.
There's no permanant solace in anything these days... I go outside and look into the horizon, and feel peace for all of five minutes, and then those thoughts I'm trying to keep out of my mind come rushing back like clockwork.
I wonder what I'm worth, and where I'm headed.
Let go? Or let myself be controlled by things which I can't control? It seems like such a simple choice, but I just can't choose.
My feelings are running everywhere at the moment.
There's this other girl aside from the one who's occupied my thoughts who is so much more amazing, yet I don't believe anything will come of it for a bunch of reasons, the biggest being that nothing ever seems to fucking work out.
Life would be so much simpler without love, or even the hope of it, but I'm stuck in a poetic nightmare.
It seems like I'm gonna be stuck in this stasis of not achieving what I want forever. Death would be so much easier than all this, but I know that's just a cop-out.
On a positive note, I met up with some people who run a local night twice a month. I'm gonna try to link up with them sometime this week, and see if I can't get a couple gigs runnin. Anything to get my mind off all the crap that's been troubling me lately. I'm also gonna get some replacement strings sometime tomorrow too. Maybe if I could play some guitar, it would ease my mind a bit. I'm willing to try just about anything, even though the obvious discourse is right in front of my face and I just refuse to take it.
Anyways.... life is still good, and I'll keep on truckin.
Peace + Love
Love and hate never seemed closer to me than they do now, and I really wonder how it is that I keep going on day after day on no sleep, wondering endlessly.
I long for a quick resolution, but there's absolutely nothing to indicate that this is going to happen. I feel like I'm trapped in a slow torture chamber, and that the relase button is actually within reach, but I just refuse to push it.
There's no permanant solace in anything these days... I go outside and look into the horizon, and feel peace for all of five minutes, and then those thoughts I'm trying to keep out of my mind come rushing back like clockwork.
I wonder what I'm worth, and where I'm headed.
Let go? Or let myself be controlled by things which I can't control? It seems like such a simple choice, but I just can't choose.
My feelings are running everywhere at the moment.
There's this other girl aside from the one who's occupied my thoughts who is so much more amazing, yet I don't believe anything will come of it for a bunch of reasons, the biggest being that nothing ever seems to fucking work out.
Life would be so much simpler without love, or even the hope of it, but I'm stuck in a poetic nightmare.
It seems like I'm gonna be stuck in this stasis of not achieving what I want forever. Death would be so much easier than all this, but I know that's just a cop-out.
On a positive note, I met up with some people who run a local night twice a month. I'm gonna try to link up with them sometime this week, and see if I can't get a couple gigs runnin. Anything to get my mind off all the crap that's been troubling me lately. I'm also gonna get some replacement strings sometime tomorrow too. Maybe if I could play some guitar, it would ease my mind a bit. I'm willing to try just about anything, even though the obvious discourse is right in front of my face and I just refuse to take it.
Anyways.... life is still good, and I'll keep on truckin.
Peace + Love