(no subject)
Part 1
I seem to do a lot of journaling from this airport. It is now 7am and I am at the Hollywood/Ft. Lauderdale airport on my way to Baltimore.
The past couple of days have been amazing. Three of my best friends came with me for a whirlwind tour of Florida. First day with my cousins in Jacksonville, meeting up with Sean from the Radiance, followed by a 4-hour drive down to Hollywood where I got to see the Empress office run and saw about 40 people I had not seen in a long time, followed by a day with Karen and the Adventure office run as well as a new job proposal, a late night dancing with an Aussie from the Sovereign (jesus what's wrong with me?), then my sister’s graduation, more time with my parents and cousins, a nice night walking along Lincoln Road and South Beach and then a romp on the beach with everyone (I still extremely flexible and I will post the pictures when I get them from the boyz) before heading back to the hotel, checking out at 6am and here I am.
BTW, I love Lisa, she's amazing and fun and is truly one of those nice people you hear about in this world that just makes everyone feel welcome.
There is obviously quite a bit of details missing, I will have to fill those in as time goes on. Let’s put it this way: I got to be a real bitch on more than one occasion, but that character is back in storage cause it’s just not a pretty side of me. In my own defense, there is still a lot going on I can’t talk about.
Part 2
8:30am. Am now sitting in Orlando's MCO airport waiting for my next flight which will take me to baltimore. My stomach is a little queesy. It shouldn't be since I have nothing to be nervous about, well, not much anyways. After re-reading my ealier passage, I need to clarify something, I didn't mean to be a bitch, nor was I even aware I was doing it at the time. Most of the time I am aware of it, for example, bad server in a restaurant or a bar server keeps putting his hand on me every time he came to the table and still managed to screw up every drink I asked for, (Don't touch me, don't ever touch me) then the bitch comes out to play. But not to my friends, not when they don't deserve it. For that I am truly sorry that it happened. But I did have my own reasons.
I wish I could just let everything go and tell everyone what is going on in my life. I wish it were that simple. This journal is probably as close as anyone will ever really get to know what actually happens in my head and even here I need to be slightly censored for professional reasons and also because I still to this day don't want anyone to know when I am feeling vulnerable, I don't want anyone to have have that kind of control over me. I already get upset when I realize someone has even the most remote control over my life or emotions, and it's worse when those same people then find out when I am not doing well. It's a control issue. Currently very few people have that control, Jerry, Eric, Karen, and Nate still all have some form of control over me whether it's just a little or something extreme that they might not even be aware of. And that's what I hate. Walls go up pretty quickly at that point and I need to stop doing that. Eventually I will, but for now I just want to get on this ship and reelax for a few days.
I seem to do a lot of journaling from this airport. It is now 7am and I am at the Hollywood/Ft. Lauderdale airport on my way to Baltimore.
The past couple of days have been amazing. Three of my best friends came with me for a whirlwind tour of Florida. First day with my cousins in Jacksonville, meeting up with Sean from the Radiance, followed by a 4-hour drive down to Hollywood where I got to see the Empress office run and saw about 40 people I had not seen in a long time, followed by a day with Karen and the Adventure office run as well as a new job proposal, a late night dancing with an Aussie from the Sovereign (jesus what's wrong with me?), then my sister’s graduation, more time with my parents and cousins, a nice night walking along Lincoln Road and South Beach and then a romp on the beach with everyone (I still extremely flexible and I will post the pictures when I get them from the boyz) before heading back to the hotel, checking out at 6am and here I am.
BTW, I love Lisa, she's amazing and fun and is truly one of those nice people you hear about in this world that just makes everyone feel welcome.
There is obviously quite a bit of details missing, I will have to fill those in as time goes on. Let’s put it this way: I got to be a real bitch on more than one occasion, but that character is back in storage cause it’s just not a pretty side of me. In my own defense, there is still a lot going on I can’t talk about.
Part 2
8:30am. Am now sitting in Orlando's MCO airport waiting for my next flight which will take me to baltimore. My stomach is a little queesy. It shouldn't be since I have nothing to be nervous about, well, not much anyways. After re-reading my ealier passage, I need to clarify something, I didn't mean to be a bitch, nor was I even aware I was doing it at the time. Most of the time I am aware of it, for example, bad server in a restaurant or a bar server keeps putting his hand on me every time he came to the table and still managed to screw up every drink I asked for, (Don't touch me, don't ever touch me) then the bitch comes out to play. But not to my friends, not when they don't deserve it. For that I am truly sorry that it happened. But I did have my own reasons.
I wish I could just let everything go and tell everyone what is going on in my life. I wish it were that simple. This journal is probably as close as anyone will ever really get to know what actually happens in my head and even here I need to be slightly censored for professional reasons and also because I still to this day don't want anyone to know when I am feeling vulnerable, I don't want anyone to have have that kind of control over me. I already get upset when I realize someone has even the most remote control over my life or emotions, and it's worse when those same people then find out when I am not doing well. It's a control issue. Currently very few people have that control, Jerry, Eric, Karen, and Nate still all have some form of control over me whether it's just a little or something extreme that they might not even be aware of. And that's what I hate. Walls go up pretty quickly at that point and I need to stop doing that. Eventually I will, but for now I just want to get on this ship and reelax for a few days.