The Weekend:
This one began with the trip from Hell:
Usually, the trip from Cambridge to Hereford takes about 3 hours - 3 1/2 if I leave at around rush hour and i get caught on the A14/M42 around Brum.
Friday, it took me 6 1/2 hours!
Reason? Fucking snow, if you haven't guessed.
It was fucking scary and demoralising. Everything was fine at first - at Cambo at 2:30pm when I left all it was at this stage was heavy rain - had to go a bit slow but still making reasonable progress.
20 Miles from the M1/M6 interchange, the snow started. It really was one of those situations where the weather seems to make the country resemble Two Face from Batman. Even still, the traffic was manageable - 50mph maximum, a bit bunched together, but still moving at a reasonable pace. The problem was, the further west I went, the more snow there was.
Then I reached Birmingham and the 'traffic managed' (now there's a phrase from Satan's colon) part of the M42. Where the snow was falling thick and fast, like Vanessa Feltz down a mountain of ice cream.
The whole area around Brum was gridlocked. No gritters. No sense of hope. It was like Silent Hill on there, with less rape. I was stuck there. I moved 10 miles in 1 1/2 hours. I was almost in tears.
It was even worse on the un-managed bit. Truly this was a demonstration of how inept this government is at transport management. I was stuck around Brum for at least nearly 3 hours. And the snow was falling thicker. I honestly thought I'd have to actually abandon my car for the night there.
And then salvation happened. I managed to punch through the traffic just before the M5 south. I managed to increase my speed bit by bit, I started manically laughing, and then clear, grey tarmac with hardly any cars on - most of the M5 south was empty.
It was beautiful.
The only problem was to actually get to hereford, as the Worcester road (the main road linking Hereford and Worcester together, which is notoriously bad at the best of times) was blocked due to snow (it turned out 250 people had to kip at Malvern because there was no way thorugh, the poor bastards), so I shot up the M50 where the car was skittery due to all the black ice (I almost became at cropper X2) and then through Ledbury, at which point the snow stopped and the air was eirily quiet.
Half an hour later, I made it. I was finally in Hereford. After another 20 minutes of sliding and skidding, I got on the driveway at the folks and got out of the car.
Where immediately I slipped on some ice and fell on my arse.
I couldn't stop the laughing....
Me and Mike then went out to town to celbrate my near death experience, which ended up with us and 20 other people doing wrestling moves on the dancefloor. So many women wanted me to Tombstone them it was unbelievable. A shame I got a bruised nose and a bit of a black eye from some misjudged hits from a stool, but it summed the night up perfectly.
Usually, the trip from Cambridge to Hereford takes about 3 hours - 3 1/2 if I leave at around rush hour and i get caught on the A14/M42 around Brum.
Friday, it took me 6 1/2 hours!
Reason? Fucking snow, if you haven't guessed.
It was fucking scary and demoralising. Everything was fine at first - at Cambo at 2:30pm when I left all it was at this stage was heavy rain - had to go a bit slow but still making reasonable progress.
20 Miles from the M1/M6 interchange, the snow started. It really was one of those situations where the weather seems to make the country resemble Two Face from Batman. Even still, the traffic was manageable - 50mph maximum, a bit bunched together, but still moving at a reasonable pace. The problem was, the further west I went, the more snow there was.
Then I reached Birmingham and the 'traffic managed' (now there's a phrase from Satan's colon) part of the M42. Where the snow was falling thick and fast, like Vanessa Feltz down a mountain of ice cream.
The whole area around Brum was gridlocked. No gritters. No sense of hope. It was like Silent Hill on there, with less rape. I was stuck there. I moved 10 miles in 1 1/2 hours. I was almost in tears.
It was even worse on the un-managed bit. Truly this was a demonstration of how inept this government is at transport management. I was stuck around Brum for at least nearly 3 hours. And the snow was falling thicker. I honestly thought I'd have to actually abandon my car for the night there.
And then salvation happened. I managed to punch through the traffic just before the M5 south. I managed to increase my speed bit by bit, I started manically laughing, and then clear, grey tarmac with hardly any cars on - most of the M5 south was empty.
It was beautiful.
The only problem was to actually get to hereford, as the Worcester road (the main road linking Hereford and Worcester together, which is notoriously bad at the best of times) was blocked due to snow (it turned out 250 people had to kip at Malvern because there was no way thorugh, the poor bastards), so I shot up the M50 where the car was skittery due to all the black ice (I almost became at cropper X2) and then through Ledbury, at which point the snow stopped and the air was eirily quiet.
Half an hour later, I made it. I was finally in Hereford. After another 20 minutes of sliding and skidding, I got on the driveway at the folks and got out of the car.
Where immediately I slipped on some ice and fell on my arse.
I couldn't stop the laughing....
Me and Mike then went out to town to celbrate my near death experience, which ended up with us and 20 other people doing wrestling moves on the dancefloor. So many women wanted me to Tombstone them it was unbelievable. A shame I got a bruised nose and a bit of a black eye from some misjudged hits from a stool, but it summed the night up perfectly.