meet me in the middle
sometimes, you just have to believe.
i am cleansing my conscience.
doo-doo-doo
we're on to you
tearing her down, talking her down under your breath
making a mess, see she is happy
you wanna break it
today my brother turns 20 &that is really weird for me. my weekend ruled harder than most. alex moore is the best valentine ever. i wrote a rebuttal to the newspaper and turned it in today. i am considering running for president yet again (maybe third time is a charm). i am going to new york a month from today. my car speakers (which were a christmas present-long story) have been shipped to me &i can barely contain myself. i have been working 7 days a week lately, but i don't really mind because it sure is paying off (no pun intended). cute boys make me all !*#&)(@$&)^!.
school (except mostly english)
&sarah takes my camera at lunch
&my weekday job is way better than yours
what an intense month or so it has been. i have lost a couple of the closest people to me. &one of my best friends moved away. all in the same month. i can't put into words how it makes a person feel. but i do know that it does take a huge toll on an individual. one of the hardest things to do in life is realizing the truth and moving on from that. leaving the past behind is not an easy task, but it is possible. realizing things are not or were not as you once believed is also extremely hard. it is not so much hard as it is disappointing. but my mom told me, "out with the old and in with the new. losing someone just opens up room for something better to come along". it is not about quantity, but quality. i do have those very few who make it all worth while. someone told me the other week that caring too much about people is my biggest downfall. since when is compassion a flaw? i do care an immense amount about people, and yes that can backfire into my face. however, i believe one day i will meet someone or a few people that make the pain and hurt my compassion has brought me all worth while. i am at a huge turning point in my life because i have come to a lot of realizations in the past few months. i am turning up the notch in my life, if that makes any sense. i have goals and a future for myself. in doing so, i have filtered out those things and people who will only hold me back from reaching where i would like to be. this doesn't, however, mean i will be clearing out those people completely because people have to be delt with according to the level that is best. i will just have to re-evaluate the level on which i should keep them. although my moods tend to be inconsistent, i am doing much better now than i ever would be relying on everyone again. if anything, i am teaching myself discipline. this all applies to recent events in my life.
oh &valentine's day. it is blown up into two massive extremes: those who hate it and those who love it. it is made into such a big deal whichever way you sway. let those who love it have their moment. i think it is cute to see people getting all into it. it makes me know there is good and love in the world. just because you are single does not mean your day has to suck. valentine's day, much like most things, is how you make it. there are plenty of ways to enjoy the day, significant other or no significant other. i personally had a wonderful day. during second period, alex &i decided to be valentines. each period, he left me a new surprise either in my locker or somewhere he knew i would go. he gave me things from candy to food to notes to poems. it was so fun to leave each other random things throughout the day. he was the best valentine. &i love him to death, even though he can be a little much. he is the most consistent person. no matter what i do to him, he treats me just the same. i could kick him and he would still tell me how much he loves me and how much he appreciates me. and unfortunately for him, i do tend to take a lot out on him because he is so close to me and we are around each other a lot. but at the end of the day, he knows i don't mean it.
&i also loved the little valentine's i received from a few people in my classes. i love stuff like that.
i have never felt more alive and aware than i do now.
i am afraid of where i am going. i am afraid of getting too close. i am afraid of pushing forward.
but i am not afraid of being alone.
//whats left to lose, i've done enough
&if i fail well then i fail but i gave it a shot
&these last three years, i know they've been hard
but now it's time to get out of the desert &into the sun
even if its alone//
i am cleansing my conscience.
doo-doo-doo
we're on to you
tearing her down, talking her down under your breath
making a mess, see she is happy
you wanna break it
today my brother turns 20 &that is really weird for me. my weekend ruled harder than most. alex moore is the best valentine ever. i wrote a rebuttal to the newspaper and turned it in today. i am considering running for president yet again (maybe third time is a charm). i am going to new york a month from today. my car speakers (which were a christmas present-long story) have been shipped to me &i can barely contain myself. i have been working 7 days a week lately, but i don't really mind because it sure is paying off (no pun intended). cute boys make me all !*#&)(@$&)^!.
school (except mostly english)
&sarah takes my camera at lunch
&my weekday job is way better than yours
what an intense month or so it has been. i have lost a couple of the closest people to me. &one of my best friends moved away. all in the same month. i can't put into words how it makes a person feel. but i do know that it does take a huge toll on an individual. one of the hardest things to do in life is realizing the truth and moving on from that. leaving the past behind is not an easy task, but it is possible. realizing things are not or were not as you once believed is also extremely hard. it is not so much hard as it is disappointing. but my mom told me, "out with the old and in with the new. losing someone just opens up room for something better to come along". it is not about quantity, but quality. i do have those very few who make it all worth while. someone told me the other week that caring too much about people is my biggest downfall. since when is compassion a flaw? i do care an immense amount about people, and yes that can backfire into my face. however, i believe one day i will meet someone or a few people that make the pain and hurt my compassion has brought me all worth while. i am at a huge turning point in my life because i have come to a lot of realizations in the past few months. i am turning up the notch in my life, if that makes any sense. i have goals and a future for myself. in doing so, i have filtered out those things and people who will only hold me back from reaching where i would like to be. this doesn't, however, mean i will be clearing out those people completely because people have to be delt with according to the level that is best. i will just have to re-evaluate the level on which i should keep them. although my moods tend to be inconsistent, i am doing much better now than i ever would be relying on everyone again. if anything, i am teaching myself discipline. this all applies to recent events in my life.
oh &valentine's day. it is blown up into two massive extremes: those who hate it and those who love it. it is made into such a big deal whichever way you sway. let those who love it have their moment. i think it is cute to see people getting all into it. it makes me know there is good and love in the world. just because you are single does not mean your day has to suck. valentine's day, much like most things, is how you make it. there are plenty of ways to enjoy the day, significant other or no significant other. i personally had a wonderful day. during second period, alex &i decided to be valentines. each period, he left me a new surprise either in my locker or somewhere he knew i would go. he gave me things from candy to food to notes to poems. it was so fun to leave each other random things throughout the day. he was the best valentine. &i love him to death, even though he can be a little much. he is the most consistent person. no matter what i do to him, he treats me just the same. i could kick him and he would still tell me how much he loves me and how much he appreciates me. and unfortunately for him, i do tend to take a lot out on him because he is so close to me and we are around each other a lot. but at the end of the day, he knows i don't mean it.
&i also loved the little valentine's i received from a few people in my classes. i love stuff like that.
i have never felt more alive and aware than i do now.
i am afraid of where i am going. i am afraid of getting too close. i am afraid of pushing forward.
but i am not afraid of being alone.
//whats left to lose, i've done enough
&if i fail well then i fail but i gave it a shot
&these last three years, i know they've been hard
but now it's time to get out of the desert &into the sun
even if its alone//