Just when things seem like they're getting better....
They are not!!
I seem to have made a very small physical improvement. It feels small but basic. And everyday I hope with every bit of energy I have, that this small step forward remains with me.
As if that weren't enough, it seemed that 2 dating possibilites have appeared. Well, actually, they've both been around since November, but I've been too sick to ever get together with them, despite numerous attempts. They are both friends of a friend, so I never had to get into the whole illness thing with them because my friends told them when I wasn't around. Very helpful. And my friends did not at all think of them as dates for me.
I liked both as friends and thought one would be fun to date. Now that I'm 42, I finally understand what the hell dating means: get together and see if you like each other enough to "have a relationship." See, I grew up in a non-dating culture, not the religious kind of non-dating, but the leftie socialist kind of the 70s and 80s. So, really I didn't "date" until I was 30. I remember being set up on a blind date at 23. I thought the whole thing was silly. It felt like an interview over a meal in which we were determining if we wanted to have sex with one another. Cuz to me, that was the only difference with a boyfriend. At the time I had many good friends, although I didn't think I had a lot of friends. However, after 5 years of CFIDS, I can say, "I had a lot of friends, back then."
There's more good stuff to write about but I'm getting tired so I'm cutting to the bad.
I paid my student loans off in April of 2002. Since then I have been fighting with them about whether I paid them off. I got sick in July 2002. Too bad I paid them off, eh, it turns out you can get them discharged for disability. Anyway.... my father ALLOWED them to garnish over FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS from my disability checks -- that's over 4 months worth!!
Apparently, some of the entities believe that I paid off the loans. Me faxing the cancelled check convinced them. However one entity is stubborn. So, my fuckin' father decides that they are correct, even though I told my fuckin' father that I had paid them off. [The only good part of this is now my father no longer claims to have paid my law school loans for me, which is what he had been lying about for several years. And, no I didn't make a lot of money because I did public interest law. and so that means my disability checks are smaller than if I had done other kinds of law. Yes, the mistakes I made in my life that got me here are many.
AND to make it worse, 3 people 2 friends and 1 cousin told me they would help me with this. Guess what: no one is!!
I told my father to get me a legal aid lawyer, he isn't.
I'm too sick to deal with it. As you may imagine I cannot stay calm when talking about this.
Tonight I finally thought of another friend, who may actually help. I just left him a voice mail at his office.
Venting here has made it worse. Oh well.
I am absatively going to buy a gun! This incident just proves to me that I will end up homeless and I refuse to go through the humiliation of eviction and then trying to live in a cardboard box.
No. Not I.
And, perhaps I'll choose to not even wait til that point, because no matter what definition of life one uses, I do not have one. The end.
I seem to have made a very small physical improvement. It feels small but basic. And everyday I hope with every bit of energy I have, that this small step forward remains with me.
As if that weren't enough, it seemed that 2 dating possibilites have appeared. Well, actually, they've both been around since November, but I've been too sick to ever get together with them, despite numerous attempts. They are both friends of a friend, so I never had to get into the whole illness thing with them because my friends told them when I wasn't around. Very helpful. And my friends did not at all think of them as dates for me.
I liked both as friends and thought one would be fun to date. Now that I'm 42, I finally understand what the hell dating means: get together and see if you like each other enough to "have a relationship." See, I grew up in a non-dating culture, not the religious kind of non-dating, but the leftie socialist kind of the 70s and 80s. So, really I didn't "date" until I was 30. I remember being set up on a blind date at 23. I thought the whole thing was silly. It felt like an interview over a meal in which we were determining if we wanted to have sex with one another. Cuz to me, that was the only difference with a boyfriend. At the time I had many good friends, although I didn't think I had a lot of friends. However, after 5 years of CFIDS, I can say, "I had a lot of friends, back then."
There's more good stuff to write about but I'm getting tired so I'm cutting to the bad.
I paid my student loans off in April of 2002. Since then I have been fighting with them about whether I paid them off. I got sick in July 2002. Too bad I paid them off, eh, it turns out you can get them discharged for disability. Anyway.... my father ALLOWED them to garnish over FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS from my disability checks -- that's over 4 months worth!!
Apparently, some of the entities believe that I paid off the loans. Me faxing the cancelled check convinced them. However one entity is stubborn. So, my fuckin' father decides that they are correct, even though I told my fuckin' father that I had paid them off. [The only good part of this is now my father no longer claims to have paid my law school loans for me, which is what he had been lying about for several years. And, no I didn't make a lot of money because I did public interest law. and so that means my disability checks are smaller than if I had done other kinds of law. Yes, the mistakes I made in my life that got me here are many.
AND to make it worse, 3 people 2 friends and 1 cousin told me they would help me with this. Guess what: no one is!!
I told my father to get me a legal aid lawyer, he isn't.
I'm too sick to deal with it. As you may imagine I cannot stay calm when talking about this.
Tonight I finally thought of another friend, who may actually help. I just left him a voice mail at his office.
Venting here has made it worse. Oh well.
I am absatively going to buy a gun! This incident just proves to me that I will end up homeless and I refuse to go through the humiliation of eviction and then trying to live in a cardboard box.
No. Not I.
And, perhaps I'll choose to not even wait til that point, because no matter what definition of life one uses, I do not have one. The end.