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20 x Teen Wolf (all seasons) for challenge 32 at gameofcards
See all 20 icons here at rockstar_pink
I've done some thinking over the weekend and I've decided to call my doctor's office in the morning to speak to the social worker/pseudo therapist on staff there again. I think I'm slipping or backsliding or that my depression meds aren't working the same anymore, I don't know. Maybe their effectiveness has worn off.
I have been feeling very emotional of late, easily angered and wallowing in dark thoughts. Nothing hurtful or dire thoughts, but I'm dwelling on the bad things. Things like my money troubles, which relates to work and about how my mom is worried about stuff at her job, our rented house (still leaking and the dudes who have been in here don't know what's up with it) so it's all building up. Coupled with the time change so things are dark and dreary now, the weather getting colder and the pain I'm feeling from the accident (which is also influenced by the shitty weather) my mind can very easily drift into the darker places. I'm also feeling a bit disconnected to things I usually have passion for again and I'm exhausted all the time even though I'm trying to get to sleep at a decent time.
I'm not in a BAD place but I'm bad place-adjacent and the most terrifying thing I can think of right now is going back there, getting caught in it all again. Now that I have distance from 2010 and 2011, the worst years of my life to date, it's hard to me to explain what it felt like, or even what it feels like now that I'm having those same thoughts again, when I'm not in the middle of them. But I know they were terrible, terrible times and something I never want to experience again.
The times when I'm left in my own thoughts are the worst but also when my arms are bothering me. When I'm aching I turn into something akin to a demon. I'm angry and I feel like I'm spitting vicious words and I could scream all the time. My moods are incredibly poorly regulated so I need a meds adjustment or something to help me out here.
I'm just SO happy that I've been through all this before--both the depression and the pain from the accidents. Isn't that a fucked up thing to say? But I can identify what's going on and I know I can seek help and not feel belittled or slighted from it. I can understand that there's something physically & chemically not right in my body & head that's causing all this and I can go to someone for help with it.
On a lighter note is anyone else playing that Maze Runner phone game? I have been sucked in, even moreso now that I've finished all the published levels in Cookie Crunch or whatever that stupid thing is called.
20 x Teen Wolf (all seasons) for challenge 32 at gameofcards
See all 20 icons here at rockstar_pink
I've done some thinking over the weekend and I've decided to call my doctor's office in the morning to speak to the social worker/pseudo therapist on staff there again. I think I'm slipping or backsliding or that my depression meds aren't working the same anymore, I don't know. Maybe their effectiveness has worn off.
I have been feeling very emotional of late, easily angered and wallowing in dark thoughts. Nothing hurtful or dire thoughts, but I'm dwelling on the bad things. Things like my money troubles, which relates to work and about how my mom is worried about stuff at her job, our rented house (still leaking and the dudes who have been in here don't know what's up with it) so it's all building up. Coupled with the time change so things are dark and dreary now, the weather getting colder and the pain I'm feeling from the accident (which is also influenced by the shitty weather) my mind can very easily drift into the darker places. I'm also feeling a bit disconnected to things I usually have passion for again and I'm exhausted all the time even though I'm trying to get to sleep at a decent time.
I'm not in a BAD place but I'm bad place-adjacent and the most terrifying thing I can think of right now is going back there, getting caught in it all again. Now that I have distance from 2010 and 2011, the worst years of my life to date, it's hard to me to explain what it felt like, or even what it feels like now that I'm having those same thoughts again, when I'm not in the middle of them. But I know they were terrible, terrible times and something I never want to experience again.
The times when I'm left in my own thoughts are the worst but also when my arms are bothering me. When I'm aching I turn into something akin to a demon. I'm angry and I feel like I'm spitting vicious words and I could scream all the time. My moods are incredibly poorly regulated so I need a meds adjustment or something to help me out here.
I'm just SO happy that I've been through all this before--both the depression and the pain from the accidents. Isn't that a fucked up thing to say? But I can identify what's going on and I know I can seek help and not feel belittled or slighted from it. I can understand that there's something physically & chemically not right in my body & head that's causing all this and I can go to someone for help with it.
On a lighter note is anyone else playing that Maze Runner phone game? I have been sucked in, even moreso now that I've finished all the published levels in Cookie Crunch or whatever that stupid thing is called.