this soul that is so rightfully mine // PG-13 // pre-Stiles/Derek
Leave it to me to leave something to the last fucking second.
This was written for one of my squares on my 1_million_words small bingo that expires in, oh, 17 minutes. Only had ALL FUCKING MONTH to get something written. But the lyrics came from a Mumford & Sons song and the lyrics really stuck out to me and yeah.
Post-324 with no actual spoilers mentioned although by this point why haven't you seen the finale? So yeah.
"This is private property, you know."
Stiles didn't even look up when he heard Derek's voice, cutting through the crisp evening air because it just seemed fitting.
Somehow. Maybe that was just something people said when they had to fill the void.
"Sorry," he replied quietly.
Derek sat down beside him on the ground where he was seated cross legged. Right up next to him without any hesitation. Deep down Stiles registered some it and at one time might have commented on it.
"It's not really private property. Not anymore," Derek said, picking at the grass. "The county took it back when I declined to do anything with it."
"I know," Stiles returned.
Derek sighed. "Stiles."
Stiles could see where the foundation of Derek's family home once stood. Where it was settled into the ground for years an then ripped apart by fire and awful people and then ones who didn't know the whole story and probably still looked at Derek with pity in their eyes and churlish words in their heart.
"Stiles, look at me." Derek tried again. "Look at me."
There. That tone. It was familiar and tinged with a frustration that only Derek could feel for Stiles.
Stiles glanced up. "Why are you here?" Derek asked, eyes staring deeply into Stiles', searching.
Stiles shrugged. He wasn't even really sure. Conflicting emotions warred within him and this seemed like the best battleground to let them have at it? His mind felt burned and salted, still chilled to the bone even if he didn't shake from the cold anymore.
"Scott's worried about you."
"I know."
"Lydia's the only one that won't treat you like a china doll."
"I know."
"You're scaring people."
"More than I already have?"
"I know that telling you to let it go is am empty phrase. I'm the worst one to be saying that. But you've gotta… I don't know. You just do."
Stiles looked over at Derek for the first time with anything but resignation in his expression.
Confusion.
"Is this supposed to be a pep talk?"
"Uh, yes?"
"It sucks," Stiles replied flatly.
"Guess I lost that along with the alpha status," Derek said with a shrug.
"No, you sucked at it then, too."
"Yeah, I did," Derek replied mildly and again Stiles was confused.
"You're different."
"So are you."
"No, I mean it," Stiles insisted. "You've changed. You're comfortable. How long was I under?"
Derek didn't really tense up, not really, but he got quiet and this was a Derek Stiles remembered well.
"Too long," Derek replied and his voice was softer than Stiles expected. "Scott says you remember it?"
Stiles nodded and swallowed hard. He started picking at the hem of one of his pant legs. "Every fucking second."
"Werewolves, we have heightened senses. You know that. But we also have incredibly detailed memories. It's part of why alphas sometimes have to take them away. The detail is sometimes overwhelming. All-consuming."
"Yeah?" Stiles wasn't sure if he should say anything but Derek seemed to be sharing and far be it for Stiles to stand in the way of progress while he regressed.
"Laura never learned how. But she never knew how bad it was after… well, after. So she never realized she should have, I think. Maybe by the time she figured things out it was too late to take them back. I'd gone through too many ‘what ifs' and ‘maybe I could'ves' for her to properly take anything from me without damaging my mind. Not that I would've cared if it did," Derek added and there was that old bitterness Stiles could practically taste seeping out of Derek with every breath.
"Still feel that way?" Stiles asked.
"Some days," Derek replied honestly. "It's better, sure. But some days absolutely. On those days I'm sure I made some shitty decisions, too, but what can I do about it now?"
"Keep going?" Stiles asked, recalling his conversation with Miss. Morell all those weeks ago. Felt like years.
"No, get better."
"What? Be a better person?" Stiles asked sarcastically. "Will saving orphans and building houses for the homeless make me a more well-rounded person? Kill the voices in my head?"
Derek rolled his eyes and gave Stiles his patented scowl. "No. Just get better. Up here, fucker," Derek said, tapping the side of Stiles's head. "Talk about it, okay? You're always running at the mouth about stupid stuff, make it something important for once." Derek took a second, then added, almost grudgingly. "We'll all listen. Deaton's got some herbs or something that can help, too, I guess."
Stiles stared hard at Derek. "You've been spending too much time with Scott. You're talking from your heart or something."
Derek scowled harder and ducked his head. Stiles could see him growing red, even in the darkness.
"Oh my god, you're totally his fucking fanboy! You're Scott's number one fan!" Stiles crowed, the first real smile breaking across his face in days. "You alpha's pet!"
"Go fuck yourself!" Derek snarled and shoved at Stiles but both his tone and touch had less force behind them than a bunny sneezing.
Stiles can't remember ever seeing a bunny sneeze but he can't imagine them being very forceful.
"Wanna walk me home?" Stiles asked, stretching out his legs in front of him.
"You walked out here?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Needed to clear my head."
"Clear enough for you now?"
Stiles hesitated. "For now."
Derek nodded. "Alright, let's go." He pushed to his feet easily and Stiles followed suit, although slower and less graceful.
"For the record?" Stiles said as they walked down the overgrown gravel driveway that once led to Derek's home.
"Hmm?"
"I'm okay with you being different but you were okay the same, too."
Stiles couldn't be sure because moving in the dark was harder to see Derek's face but he was pretty sure he didn't imagine the smirk on Derek's face.
Yeah, it was getting better.
This was written for one of my squares on my 1_million_words small bingo that expires in, oh, 17 minutes. Only had ALL FUCKING MONTH to get something written. But the lyrics came from a Mumford & Sons song and the lyrics really stuck out to me and yeah.
Post-324 with no actual spoilers mentioned although by this point why haven't you seen the finale? So yeah.
"This is private property, you know."
Stiles didn't even look up when he heard Derek's voice, cutting through the crisp evening air because it just seemed fitting.
Somehow. Maybe that was just something people said when they had to fill the void.
"Sorry," he replied quietly.
Derek sat down beside him on the ground where he was seated cross legged. Right up next to him without any hesitation. Deep down Stiles registered some it and at one time might have commented on it.
"It's not really private property. Not anymore," Derek said, picking at the grass. "The county took it back when I declined to do anything with it."
"I know," Stiles returned.
Derek sighed. "Stiles."
Stiles could see where the foundation of Derek's family home once stood. Where it was settled into the ground for years an then ripped apart by fire and awful people and then ones who didn't know the whole story and probably still looked at Derek with pity in their eyes and churlish words in their heart.
"Stiles, look at me." Derek tried again. "Look at me."
There. That tone. It was familiar and tinged with a frustration that only Derek could feel for Stiles.
Stiles glanced up. "Why are you here?" Derek asked, eyes staring deeply into Stiles', searching.
Stiles shrugged. He wasn't even really sure. Conflicting emotions warred within him and this seemed like the best battleground to let them have at it? His mind felt burned and salted, still chilled to the bone even if he didn't shake from the cold anymore.
"Scott's worried about you."
"I know."
"Lydia's the only one that won't treat you like a china doll."
"I know."
"You're scaring people."
"More than I already have?"
"I know that telling you to let it go is am empty phrase. I'm the worst one to be saying that. But you've gotta… I don't know. You just do."
Stiles looked over at Derek for the first time with anything but resignation in his expression.
Confusion.
"Is this supposed to be a pep talk?"
"Uh, yes?"
"It sucks," Stiles replied flatly.
"Guess I lost that along with the alpha status," Derek said with a shrug.
"No, you sucked at it then, too."
"Yeah, I did," Derek replied mildly and again Stiles was confused.
"You're different."
"So are you."
"No, I mean it," Stiles insisted. "You've changed. You're comfortable. How long was I under?"
Derek didn't really tense up, not really, but he got quiet and this was a Derek Stiles remembered well.
"Too long," Derek replied and his voice was softer than Stiles expected. "Scott says you remember it?"
Stiles nodded and swallowed hard. He started picking at the hem of one of his pant legs. "Every fucking second."
"Werewolves, we have heightened senses. You know that. But we also have incredibly detailed memories. It's part of why alphas sometimes have to take them away. The detail is sometimes overwhelming. All-consuming."
"Yeah?" Stiles wasn't sure if he should say anything but Derek seemed to be sharing and far be it for Stiles to stand in the way of progress while he regressed.
"Laura never learned how. But she never knew how bad it was after… well, after. So she never realized she should have, I think. Maybe by the time she figured things out it was too late to take them back. I'd gone through too many ‘what ifs' and ‘maybe I could'ves' for her to properly take anything from me without damaging my mind. Not that I would've cared if it did," Derek added and there was that old bitterness Stiles could practically taste seeping out of Derek with every breath.
"Still feel that way?" Stiles asked.
"Some days," Derek replied honestly. "It's better, sure. But some days absolutely. On those days I'm sure I made some shitty decisions, too, but what can I do about it now?"
"Keep going?" Stiles asked, recalling his conversation with Miss. Morell all those weeks ago. Felt like years.
"No, get better."
"What? Be a better person?" Stiles asked sarcastically. "Will saving orphans and building houses for the homeless make me a more well-rounded person? Kill the voices in my head?"
Derek rolled his eyes and gave Stiles his patented scowl. "No. Just get better. Up here, fucker," Derek said, tapping the side of Stiles's head. "Talk about it, okay? You're always running at the mouth about stupid stuff, make it something important for once." Derek took a second, then added, almost grudgingly. "We'll all listen. Deaton's got some herbs or something that can help, too, I guess."
Stiles stared hard at Derek. "You've been spending too much time with Scott. You're talking from your heart or something."
Derek scowled harder and ducked his head. Stiles could see him growing red, even in the darkness.
"Oh my god, you're totally his fucking fanboy! You're Scott's number one fan!" Stiles crowed, the first real smile breaking across his face in days. "You alpha's pet!"
"Go fuck yourself!" Derek snarled and shoved at Stiles but both his tone and touch had less force behind them than a bunny sneezing.
Stiles can't remember ever seeing a bunny sneeze but he can't imagine them being very forceful.
"Wanna walk me home?" Stiles asked, stretching out his legs in front of him.
"You walked out here?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Needed to clear my head."
"Clear enough for you now?"
Stiles hesitated. "For now."
Derek nodded. "Alright, let's go." He pushed to his feet easily and Stiles followed suit, although slower and less graceful.
"For the record?" Stiles said as they walked down the overgrown gravel driveway that once led to Derek's home.
"Hmm?"
"I'm okay with you being different but you were okay the same, too."
Stiles couldn't be sure because moving in the dark was harder to see Derek's face but he was pretty sure he didn't imagine the smirk on Derek's face.
Yeah, it was getting better.