SPN RPS: Given and Taken in Ink (4/4) // R // Jared/Jensen & Author's Note
Given and Taken in Ink
Jared/Jensen, R
See the index for a full header.
Part 3
The crowd outside the theatre was moderate in size. It was at a small theatre in downtown Los Angeles that Jared had never been to or heard of. Jared had done a little research on the film, or tried to, before he arrived. The film was independent, starring Jensen and a few other people Jared had never heard of.
Once he got there and stood outside in the crowd, looking around for Jensen or for some sign on what the protocol was on these sort of events, but felt like he stood out like a sore thumb. He felt uncomfortable and could feel the overwhelming need to get out of there creep up on him. He forced himself forward through the crowd, flashed his tickets at the door and slipped into the theatre as inconspicuously as he could.
He sat in the back, sunk down low in his seat to try and hide. He told himself he'd give the movie a half hour before he'd leave. It was a horrible idea. Horrible.
The lights dimmed and Jared thought the movie was about to started but someone stood up near the screen and called for attention. Jared jerked his head up and saw Jensen at the front, holding his hands up and waiting for the din to subside. Once everyone quieted he grinned.
"Good evening everyone and thank you all for coming out to show your support! My name is Jensen Ackles and I'm one of the people in this movie. This film has been, to be cliched, a labour of love for everyone in it. For myself it represented a transition in my life that I wasn't sure I could make, but I did and my character in this film had a lot to do with it. If you've attended our other private screenings you've heard from my co-stars how making this film has impacted their lives and I'm no different. I'm able to say this film changed me, and I hope for the better.
"I hope you all enjoy it and I look forward to hearing your comments after. Thanks again for coming."
Jensen ducked down and sat somewhere near the front, out of Jared's eyesight. He glanced toward the door, eying it as his last chance to escape before it started. The lights dimmed further to black and the movie cued on the screen.
He managed to sit through two minutes of the film before he felt like he was making a horrible decision. He didn't think he could sit through this. He just wasn't sure he was ready to face up to everything or watch Jensen's face, a million times high and wide.
He eased out of his seat and slipped out of the theatre easily. Once in the lobby he breathed a sigh of relief and made a beeline for the door. Before he could get there he heard footsteps behind him, then, "Running again?"
Jared stopped but didn't turn around. "Who says I'm running?"
"Walking swiftly for the door, then."
Jared turned around slowly and met Jensen's eyes. He hadn't changed any since the last time Jared saw him. He was in a dark suit without a tie and he looked amazing, Jared had to admit. Jared felt a little out of place in a button up shirt and a pair of jeans but he wasn't expecting to actually talk to anyone tonight.
Liar, the voice inside whispered to him. You hoped you'd see him tonight. Stop pretending. Stop running.
"Not running," Jared repeated, more to himself.
"Okay, you're not running," Jensen replied easily. "I really didn't think you were coming."
"I did."
"And now you're leaving."
"Left the stove on?" Jared replied weakly.
"It's okay, man. I just... I wanted to make sure you knew--you know? I wanted you to know that I want to try to make things better, or at least smooth things out. I don't know what I was thinking."
"I appreciated the gesture, I truly did," Jared said.
"That's good. That's all I can hope for, I guess," Jensen replied. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "I should let you go now."
Jared wasn't sure if he meant to go home tonight or in general. He felt an odd twinge in his chest at this thought and reached into his own pocket. He pulled out a memory stick and held it out to Jensen.
"What's this?"
"You were right. That story was about you. And it wouldn't have been written without you."
"This an advance copy or something?" Jensen asked, reaching out to take the stick. He was careful not to let their hands touch and kept his distance from Jared.
"Advance?" Jared asked, confused.
"I hear you have a new book coming out soon," Jensen replied. He smiled. "I'll feel famous."
"You can put your ego away. It's not that one. I wrote another book while I was away. This is the one about you but it's not finished. I thought you should read what I came up with while we ... I don't know."
"While we were together?" Jensen asked plainly.
"I guess. I wasn't sure what we were."
"Confused, mostly." Jensen laughed and Jared nodded, smiling as well. "There's something different about you."
"There's a lot of things different about me, actually," Jared replied, then blushed. He stepped back a couple steps and nodded. "Anyway, you've got to get back to your movie." Jensen nodded and Jared started to walk away.
"Hey Jared?" Jensen called out before Jared reached the door so he turned around. Jensen held the memory stick up. "Will this ever have an ending?"
Jared shrugged. "Don't know." He pushed the door open and left the theatre. Even though he didn't stay for the movie Jared felt like he'd already gotten the whole story.
~~~
A couple weeks after the movie premiere Jared got a ride home from the basketball court with Luke, one of the guys he played with, and the dogs. It was mid-afternoon and Jared was planning on having everyone to his house for a barbecue that night for fun. Sandy had insisted on coming over to help when Jared told her there would be ten other tall, fit men hanging out at Jared's house. Then she hugged Jared and kissed his forehead.
Since his meeting with Jensen, Jared had felt better about everything in general. He never believed people when they said they felt relief so great it was like taking a weight off them, but that's exactly what Jared felt like. Every morning when he woke up he didn't go through a checklist of things he worried about from the day before that could carry over into the new day. He no longer worried that his parents were ashamed of him, that his friends weren't really his friends.
It felt like starting over in a brand new, healthy way.
He was also less of a drag, even to himself. He reminded himself of how he was in high school. More easy-going, less neurotic and fun. Jesus, he was fun again. He laughed out loud to himself, and had to wave off the expression(from Luke when he looked over at Jared.
When they got to Jared's house they were laughing about something that happened on the court. Their voices carried from the driveway as they got out of the car, attracting the attention of other people out on the street or in their own yards. When they got to the house Jared noticed Jensen sitting on his front steps. The dogs strained on their leashes and Jared let them go so they could run across the yard. They greeted Jensen eagerly, licking at his face and trying to climb up on him.
"Friend of yours?" Luke asked.
"Kind of," Jared replied. "Go ahead, you know where everything is. I'll be in in a couple minutes."
"Sure." Luke took Jared's keys and let himself into the house. Jared grabbed the leashes from the ground and ordered the dogs to sit to get them to calm down. They did as they were told and sat at Jared's feet, panting.
"He seems nice." Jensen said awkwardly.
Jared chuckled and nodded. "We play basketball together."
"Ah."
"You lost?" Jared asked.
"Sometimes. Not today, though," Jensen replied.
"That's deep," Jared replied dryly.
"So's this." Jensen pulled the memory stick Jared gave him two weeks earlier from his pocket.
"Yeah?"
"I'm kinda cool in this, you know?" Jensen said, mock serious. "I'm like, your hero."
"You wish. I meant to go back and edit in your gigantic ego but I never got around to it," Jared shot back.
Jensen eyed Jared speculatively. "You are different."
"There are miles of difference between that story and me now," Jared said easily. "A lot's changed."
"So you said. I believe it, though. I mean, you're talking to me."
"I don't think what you did was right, but you know that. If it weren't for that I wouldn't have figured a lot of shit out. It's been an... interesting few months, to say the least."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. You'll have to read the book to find out," Jared said, smirking.
Jensen grinned back, then stood up. "Maybe you should re-read this one, first."
"Maybe someday."
"I think you should read it sooner," Jensen suggested, holding the memory stick out to Jared who took it, confused. "Trust me, just this once." Jensen leaned down to pet the dogs once more, then brushed past Jared as he walked away.
Neither of them said goodbye.
~~~
After Jared's basketball buddies left for the night and Sandy finished gushing about which one she wanted to date first, Jared cleaned up after the barbecue. He found the memory stick behind some empty beer cans in the kitchen as he was gathering the recyclables. He remembered dropping it there hours earlier, thinking he'd have to grab something and then he'd check out what the hell Jensen was talking about.
He dropped the garbage bag he was holding and threw the empty cans into the sink. Cleaning could wait. He went into his office and plugged the memory stick in and opened the file that, from the time stamp, had been altered at 10:03 that morning.
Jared scanned through the pages of words, trying to find something that looked out of place. Everything seemed to be his writing, though. He scrolled up and down for a few minutes, looking for anything changed. He got to the end and stopped.
Where he'd left off was no more. Jensen had written about a page of text from where Jared had left off months earlier.
Jensen's character in the story knew that he was a total prick for everything that had happened but since it happened he'd had his own reality check. And he realized that the character's neighbour was the one who mattered to him, through everything. He influenced every decision he made, including career choices. Would the neighbour boy ever accept him back into his life, even just as a friend?
At the end the character crossed the boundary line between their houses and knocked on the door. A simple request for coffee and an open ending as the neighbour boy opened his mouth to answer.
Jared sat back in his chair and felt a smile creep across his face.
Without thinking twice he grabbed his cell phone and dialed Jensen's number, hoping he hadn't changed it. It was after midnight but he didn't care. He'd spent years second and third guessing himself. That part of him was done.
It rang three times before Jensen picked up, sounding a little muffled.
"Did I wake you up?" Jared asked by way of saying hello.
"A little," Jensen replied and Jared could hear him yawn.
"So I read the story."
"Yeah?" Jensen sounded a little more alert now.
"Yeah. And man, your writing sucks."
"There's a reason I'm an actor," Jensen laughed. It sounded deeper than usual, probably from being sleepy. "I'm meant to read what other people write."
"I see," Jared replied. There were a few seconds of silence and then he asked, "Do you want to go for dinner? Maybe Friday night?"
"This isn't the way it's supposed to go. I'm supposed to knock on your door and ask you to coffee. You know, to start slow," Jensen protested. "Like in the book."
"Didn't anyone tell you that life isn't like it is in books?" Jared asked, biting his lip to keep from laughing.
"It's not?" Jensen asked, confused.
"Not anymore."
"I see."
"So? How about that dinner?"
Jared waited, then heard Jensen take a deep breath to answer...
There were more than a few moments during the process of writing this that I didn't think it was going to be finished. But through sheer determination and stubbornness I got it done.
This fic was really borne out of my own frustration with writing. For the past year and a half writing has been incredibly difficult for me. The ideas are there but the words refuse to come. I started to "write what I know" and out of that Jared appeared, confused and unsure. The accomplishment of finally finishing something, especially something this long, is a relief.
I have to thank my betas, smidirini and bobbinrob for being my betas, especially since I sucked so hard with giving them time to do their jobs. But they did very well and I'm grateful for their input and for helping me see where things needed to be cut down (Jared was really freaking wordy, even moreso than in the first cut!).
I'd also like to thank gwentastic for listening to me blather on about Big Bang this year. And for generally listen to me blather on about everything non-Big Bang related. You're a champ.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!
Jared/Jensen, R
See the index for a full header.
Part 3
The crowd outside the theatre was moderate in size. It was at a small theatre in downtown Los Angeles that Jared had never been to or heard of. Jared had done a little research on the film, or tried to, before he arrived. The film was independent, starring Jensen and a few other people Jared had never heard of.
Once he got there and stood outside in the crowd, looking around for Jensen or for some sign on what the protocol was on these sort of events, but felt like he stood out like a sore thumb. He felt uncomfortable and could feel the overwhelming need to get out of there creep up on him. He forced himself forward through the crowd, flashed his tickets at the door and slipped into the theatre as inconspicuously as he could.
He sat in the back, sunk down low in his seat to try and hide. He told himself he'd give the movie a half hour before he'd leave. It was a horrible idea. Horrible.
The lights dimmed and Jared thought the movie was about to started but someone stood up near the screen and called for attention. Jared jerked his head up and saw Jensen at the front, holding his hands up and waiting for the din to subside. Once everyone quieted he grinned.
"Good evening everyone and thank you all for coming out to show your support! My name is Jensen Ackles and I'm one of the people in this movie. This film has been, to be cliched, a labour of love for everyone in it. For myself it represented a transition in my life that I wasn't sure I could make, but I did and my character in this film had a lot to do with it. If you've attended our other private screenings you've heard from my co-stars how making this film has impacted their lives and I'm no different. I'm able to say this film changed me, and I hope for the better.
"I hope you all enjoy it and I look forward to hearing your comments after. Thanks again for coming."
Jensen ducked down and sat somewhere near the front, out of Jared's eyesight. He glanced toward the door, eying it as his last chance to escape before it started. The lights dimmed further to black and the movie cued on the screen.
He managed to sit through two minutes of the film before he felt like he was making a horrible decision. He didn't think he could sit through this. He just wasn't sure he was ready to face up to everything or watch Jensen's face, a million times high and wide.
He eased out of his seat and slipped out of the theatre easily. Once in the lobby he breathed a sigh of relief and made a beeline for the door. Before he could get there he heard footsteps behind him, then, "Running again?"
Jared stopped but didn't turn around. "Who says I'm running?"
"Walking swiftly for the door, then."
Jared turned around slowly and met Jensen's eyes. He hadn't changed any since the last time Jared saw him. He was in a dark suit without a tie and he looked amazing, Jared had to admit. Jared felt a little out of place in a button up shirt and a pair of jeans but he wasn't expecting to actually talk to anyone tonight.
Liar, the voice inside whispered to him. You hoped you'd see him tonight. Stop pretending. Stop running.
"Not running," Jared repeated, more to himself.
"Okay, you're not running," Jensen replied easily. "I really didn't think you were coming."
"I did."
"And now you're leaving."
"Left the stove on?" Jared replied weakly.
"It's okay, man. I just... I wanted to make sure you knew--you know? I wanted you to know that I want to try to make things better, or at least smooth things out. I don't know what I was thinking."
"I appreciated the gesture, I truly did," Jared said.
"That's good. That's all I can hope for, I guess," Jensen replied. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "I should let you go now."
Jared wasn't sure if he meant to go home tonight or in general. He felt an odd twinge in his chest at this thought and reached into his own pocket. He pulled out a memory stick and held it out to Jensen.
"What's this?"
"You were right. That story was about you. And it wouldn't have been written without you."
"This an advance copy or something?" Jensen asked, reaching out to take the stick. He was careful not to let their hands touch and kept his distance from Jared.
"Advance?" Jared asked, confused.
"I hear you have a new book coming out soon," Jensen replied. He smiled. "I'll feel famous."
"You can put your ego away. It's not that one. I wrote another book while I was away. This is the one about you but it's not finished. I thought you should read what I came up with while we ... I don't know."
"While we were together?" Jensen asked plainly.
"I guess. I wasn't sure what we were."
"Confused, mostly." Jensen laughed and Jared nodded, smiling as well. "There's something different about you."
"There's a lot of things different about me, actually," Jared replied, then blushed. He stepped back a couple steps and nodded. "Anyway, you've got to get back to your movie." Jensen nodded and Jared started to walk away.
"Hey Jared?" Jensen called out before Jared reached the door so he turned around. Jensen held the memory stick up. "Will this ever have an ending?"
Jared shrugged. "Don't know." He pushed the door open and left the theatre. Even though he didn't stay for the movie Jared felt like he'd already gotten the whole story.
~~~
A couple weeks after the movie premiere Jared got a ride home from the basketball court with Luke, one of the guys he played with, and the dogs. It was mid-afternoon and Jared was planning on having everyone to his house for a barbecue that night for fun. Sandy had insisted on coming over to help when Jared told her there would be ten other tall, fit men hanging out at Jared's house. Then she hugged Jared and kissed his forehead.
Since his meeting with Jensen, Jared had felt better about everything in general. He never believed people when they said they felt relief so great it was like taking a weight off them, but that's exactly what Jared felt like. Every morning when he woke up he didn't go through a checklist of things he worried about from the day before that could carry over into the new day. He no longer worried that his parents were ashamed of him, that his friends weren't really his friends.
It felt like starting over in a brand new, healthy way.
He was also less of a drag, even to himself. He reminded himself of how he was in high school. More easy-going, less neurotic and fun. Jesus, he was fun again. He laughed out loud to himself, and had to wave off the expression(from Luke when he looked over at Jared.
When they got to Jared's house they were laughing about something that happened on the court. Their voices carried from the driveway as they got out of the car, attracting the attention of other people out on the street or in their own yards. When they got to the house Jared noticed Jensen sitting on his front steps. The dogs strained on their leashes and Jared let them go so they could run across the yard. They greeted Jensen eagerly, licking at his face and trying to climb up on him.
"Friend of yours?" Luke asked.
"Kind of," Jared replied. "Go ahead, you know where everything is. I'll be in in a couple minutes."
"Sure." Luke took Jared's keys and let himself into the house. Jared grabbed the leashes from the ground and ordered the dogs to sit to get them to calm down. They did as they were told and sat at Jared's feet, panting.
"He seems nice." Jensen said awkwardly.
Jared chuckled and nodded. "We play basketball together."
"Ah."
"You lost?" Jared asked.
"Sometimes. Not today, though," Jensen replied.
"That's deep," Jared replied dryly.
"So's this." Jensen pulled the memory stick Jared gave him two weeks earlier from his pocket.
"Yeah?"
"I'm kinda cool in this, you know?" Jensen said, mock serious. "I'm like, your hero."
"You wish. I meant to go back and edit in your gigantic ego but I never got around to it," Jared shot back.
Jensen eyed Jared speculatively. "You are different."
"There are miles of difference between that story and me now," Jared said easily. "A lot's changed."
"So you said. I believe it, though. I mean, you're talking to me."
"I don't think what you did was right, but you know that. If it weren't for that I wouldn't have figured a lot of shit out. It's been an... interesting few months, to say the least."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. You'll have to read the book to find out," Jared said, smirking.
Jensen grinned back, then stood up. "Maybe you should re-read this one, first."
"Maybe someday."
"I think you should read it sooner," Jensen suggested, holding the memory stick out to Jared who took it, confused. "Trust me, just this once." Jensen leaned down to pet the dogs once more, then brushed past Jared as he walked away.
Neither of them said goodbye.
~~~
After Jared's basketball buddies left for the night and Sandy finished gushing about which one she wanted to date first, Jared cleaned up after the barbecue. He found the memory stick behind some empty beer cans in the kitchen as he was gathering the recyclables. He remembered dropping it there hours earlier, thinking he'd have to grab something and then he'd check out what the hell Jensen was talking about.
He dropped the garbage bag he was holding and threw the empty cans into the sink. Cleaning could wait. He went into his office and plugged the memory stick in and opened the file that, from the time stamp, had been altered at 10:03 that morning.
Jared scanned through the pages of words, trying to find something that looked out of place. Everything seemed to be his writing, though. He scrolled up and down for a few minutes, looking for anything changed. He got to the end and stopped.
Where he'd left off was no more. Jensen had written about a page of text from where Jared had left off months earlier.
Jensen's character in the story knew that he was a total prick for everything that had happened but since it happened he'd had his own reality check. And he realized that the character's neighbour was the one who mattered to him, through everything. He influenced every decision he made, including career choices. Would the neighbour boy ever accept him back into his life, even just as a friend?
At the end the character crossed the boundary line between their houses and knocked on the door. A simple request for coffee and an open ending as the neighbour boy opened his mouth to answer.
Jared sat back in his chair and felt a smile creep across his face.
Without thinking twice he grabbed his cell phone and dialed Jensen's number, hoping he hadn't changed it. It was after midnight but he didn't care. He'd spent years second and third guessing himself. That part of him was done.
It rang three times before Jensen picked up, sounding a little muffled.
"Did I wake you up?" Jared asked by way of saying hello.
"A little," Jensen replied and Jared could hear him yawn.
"So I read the story."
"Yeah?" Jensen sounded a little more alert now.
"Yeah. And man, your writing sucks."
"There's a reason I'm an actor," Jensen laughed. It sounded deeper than usual, probably from being sleepy. "I'm meant to read what other people write."
"I see," Jared replied. There were a few seconds of silence and then he asked, "Do you want to go for dinner? Maybe Friday night?"
"This isn't the way it's supposed to go. I'm supposed to knock on your door and ask you to coffee. You know, to start slow," Jensen protested. "Like in the book."
"Didn't anyone tell you that life isn't like it is in books?" Jared asked, biting his lip to keep from laughing.
"It's not?" Jensen asked, confused.
"Not anymore."
"I see."
"So? How about that dinner?"
Jared waited, then heard Jensen take a deep breath to answer...
There were more than a few moments during the process of writing this that I didn't think it was going to be finished. But through sheer determination and stubbornness I got it done.
This fic was really borne out of my own frustration with writing. For the past year and a half writing has been incredibly difficult for me. The ideas are there but the words refuse to come. I started to "write what I know" and out of that Jared appeared, confused and unsure. The accomplishment of finally finishing something, especially something this long, is a relief.
I have to thank my betas, smidirini and bobbinrob for being my betas, especially since I sucked so hard with giving them time to do their jobs. But they did very well and I'm grateful for their input and for helping me see where things needed to be cut down (Jared was really freaking wordy, even moreso than in the first cut!).
I'd also like to thank gwentastic for listening to me blather on about Big Bang this year. And for generally listen to me blather on about everything non-Big Bang related. You're a champ.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!