sigh
i was asked to go to a youth conference today. but of course i said no. but even before i replied no. I asked first who are the speakers. she didn't reply to my question. i assumed she was already mad because i always decline to her invitations. sighhh. can't blame her for being mad. i bet the boyfriend even said to just avoid and never to ask me to hang out again. can't blame him too. I can't blame anyone but myself. sigh again.
I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. i constantly reject the company of other people, i don't look for jobs anymore (i knew deep inside that it was all for a show) and all i do is lay down and be on my laptop or phone and wait for rk updates and/or watch videos or dramas. :(
but how can i change, when being lazy is my "safe zone" :(
In my head i know the answer but i never have the strength/will power/guts/confidence/inspiration to do it. :(