(no subject)
hey. these are great and beware, it's PAGES long, but it's all so true. lol, you'll luv it, but u hafta read it in order cuz otherwise somethings won't make sense. lol. pass it on to all the other dancers u know and they'll get a good laugh out of it
Dancer Facts
All facts written by Daniel Rutis(thats me), unless otherwise noted, and copyright Daniel Rutis, not to be reposted without his permission
------------------------------
We have very little to no modesty.
When standing around waiting for something we must stretch something. Be it a calf muscle, a thigh or something else. It's an instinct.
If the item is small enough, and it falls on the ground we have to bend over at the waist, any stretch is a good stretch.
When we have a long strip of open floor we're yearning to do something across it, but are afraid of looks we might get.
We're constantly thinking of combinations we could do in the current area.
We really would rather be dancing.
We hate conceited dancers.
Marking a dance isn't any fun.
We do eat, we just work hard enough we don't gain weight.
Outside of dance we are actually very clumsy and accident prone.
Outside of the studio we don't look like dancers either, we slouch, we scuff our feet and we are completely unbeautiful.
When in stores, dancing is imminent. Turns, jumps and poses are sure to happen as soon as the isle is clear.
Crack the back, we must crack the back.
If we try to crack the back, but fail, it's rather depressing.
When we hear music we've danced to we have to do a part of that dance, no matter who looks at us.
Or we just run away. -Jane Logan
If we have something we excel in, we have to show that one thing off. A.K.A. Turn out, perfect pointe, hyper extension, or such.
No where else but in a ballet studio will you see so many people taking off clothing and no one batting an eye.
When people ask to show off the one thing you do excel in, act like you hate it and don't understand why people like to see it.
If we get hurt we lie and say we're okay, no matter how bad it is. "No, my ankle is suppose to look like that."
If we're tired we lie and say we're not, "Sure I could go for another five hours, no sweat!"
Hungry? Yup, you guessed it, lie! "I'm not really hungry. Just give me some water."
Speaking of water, drink, drink, drink. Even if we're not thirsty, drink, it looks like we're working hard.
Dance has a specific smell, non dancers will never understand.
Cracks, pops and other such noises are dancer's body music.
We make the most music in the morning.
Classical ballet is harder then it looks.
Don't jump on concrete.
It's not uncommen to have 'off days'.
'Off days' are one of the worst kind of day we can have.
If we've done something incredibly stupid and hurt ourselves, we must tell everyone how we hurt ourselves stupidly.
If(and when) we fall on our ass, we have to make it look like we did it on purpose. Oh, and end it in the most beautiful pose you've even seen.
If you do somehow hurt yourself and can't do class you feel as though you have to at least sit and soak in what you can.
Mean teachers will never make as big an impact as kind ones.
Every one dreams of getting into the Bolshoi, but we're relistic, we'll just set our sights for ABT... Okay so we're not that realistic...
We're willing to try anything once.
If we come close to doing something, we'll keep trying untill we do it. And it must be perfect.
Turning dreams are regular, it's not odd to have a dream where we do 30 to 40 Pirouettes and land perfectly, this is the best kind of dream we could have.
After these dreams when we wake up we think, "I've solved it! I know how to do perfect turns!" We never do though.
We could hate a song, then do a dance to said song and if the dance rocks wind up loving the song.
It's not unusual to buy a CD with a song we danced to, just for that one song.
OBT Sucks.
After doing four, five, six or whatever you consider to be an amazing amount of turns look around and pray someone saw you.
No one saw.
If that rare time someone does see you do six turns they become your new hero and best friend.
We always count the turns. No matter whose doing them we count, three, two, seven, every head spot gets seen.
When messing around we do the best turns.
It's insainly argravaiting when we forget to count and we feel like we just did more then normal.
The teacher never sees when you do something damn good.
Our bodies feels like it's sixty.
People who say ballet sucks should be beaten with a large rubber stick.
We all get shin splits sooner or later.
The teachers pick on us personally.
Sitting outside of class: Energy 100%: I can't wait to get to bar!
At bar: Energy 70%: I can't wait to get to center!
At center: Energy 45%: I can't wait to go across floor!
Across floor: Energy 25% I can't wait for class to be over!
After class: I can't wait for my next class! Energy 110%(Fake Energy)
We find the rhythm in everything, music, hammering, turn signals, walking, everything and anything.
People who come the class to socialize piss the hard workers off.
Everything is counted in eighths.
We stand in variations of first, third or forth, and on rare occasions second and fifth.
Ballerinas have the best bodies.
All ballet dancers must hate cheerleaders.
If you manage to do more then your normal amount of turns at the start of the day forget about turning good the rest of class. You've used all your turning power up.
Those movements we're doing with our hands, those are dancer steps, twilling a finger, turns, lifting our hands up and down, jumps, it's a complicated thing non dancers will never understand.
Nothing sucks worse then working your butt off in a performance, you go out and bow, the audience gives you a pretty dang good response, then a young child comes out who did nothing and the house blows the roof off the place. At this point we wonder, I wonder how many rows I could kick that kid?
When some one falls down(And doesn't get hurt) at class, its funny. When someone falls down in a show in a dance other then yours it sucks for them, but its funny. When someone falls down in a show and its your dance it's not funny.
Watching ballet with non dancers sucks, our pointing everything out falls on deaf ears, "Wow! look at her feet!" "...Okay..." "What a great pointe!" "...Okay..."
Watching ballet with non dancers sucks, they point out stupid stuff, but we're quick to shoot them down and prove our dancing prowess "Wow! They sure did a lot of turns!" "Not really, their right shoulder was up slightly and they only did four, I can do four!" "That sure was a nice jump!" "I've seen better, their foot wasn't turned out enough, the spits could have been higher, and their arms would have looked better in third then fourth."
When we say such things that look you give us gets old.
It's not uncommon for dancer to scream when watching a video of a really good dancer doing something incredible.
There's always someone better then us.
Show off discretely, and act surprised when some one compliments you.
Whine about how bad you are.
Whine about how awful your body looks.
Our legs are never long enough.
Our jumps are never high enough.
Our feet could have a better pointe.
We could have better turn out.
We could be more flexible.
We are always too fat.
On video, we always suck.
We want a clone, so we can sit in the audience and watch what a bad job we do.
You've just done something astounding, hard, amazing, and the audience... Does nothing... And as you stand, kneel, or whatever, you think... Clap you rotten...
Pitty claps suck.
You've just done something not very hard, but you get a great applause, try not to laugh.
We've done the best show ever! It was that one rare time in our history when we danced perfectly. We proudly watch the video over and over, then two years(Sometimes more, sometimes less), we watch it again, and cry, because we really looked awful.
When watching ourselves on video with non dancers we must point out our mistakes, even though they would never notice.
If we have room we must turn.
If on hard wood or linoleum, we must turn, even if we don't have room.
When our knee slams into the drain board, chair, cutting board, table, ect. after turning in the kitchen(or where ever) we must try again, to prove it wasn't us(It was the floor).
And above all else, hate those who are better then you are, especially if they're younger than you.
There are times when we don't bend at the waist when picking something up, in those cases we do great arabesques.
Flexibility doesn't phase us.
Guy Truths
We're not all gay.
The one thing we want more then anything else... A comfortable dance belt.
We want to be as flexible as our female counterparts.
We that are straight don't think about sex in class.
We hate watching corps and only watch ballet for the pas de deux and male solos.
Female solos usually suck too, unless we know the girl, or she's really good.
Girls who can do more turns then us suck.
We don't mind tights.
We wish more guys were into ballet, but then realize that we have a better chance with low guy turnout, so fellas, keep the hell away from our profession!
We know to non dancers(males in general) it looks painful but believe me when I say that the splits can not possible hurt what you think it does.
We want to wear pointe shoes, but not around girls for fear they would laugh at how much we suck on them.
We want to do more turns then everyone and will kill ourselves trying.
The first thing we thing when walking into a new class: Everyone's staring at my unmentionables.
Guys in Pas de deux Class
We lie, it does hurt when you kick us in the crotch.
We lie, a elbow/fist to the face hurts like hell.
It's rare when we're quick enough avoid a knee to the crotch, or elbow to the face.
When we do manage to avoid them we feel like we just won the lottery.
It's fun to watch ourselves on video get punched in the face.
Lifts under the armpits are gross.
We get use to lifts under armpits.
Right after a fist rakes our jaw we wonder, "Was that on purpose?"
Practicing a Pas without a Tu-tu many times, and then dancing with one suddenly is not only hard, but dangerous.
It's harder then it looks.
When a girl starts to head for the ground it scares the hell out of us and we will try our damnedest to keep her from hitting.
Partners who are afraid of hights are fun.
Finding your balance is hard when you keep moving your feet around.
This is our best time to show off.
If(and when) we get hit, we would rather bleed, it looks cool and we like sympathy.
We really are scared when we see an elbow take flight and come screaming towards our face.
When no one dances with us in a Pas De Deux class it's because we suck(That's what we think at least.)
We wouldn't mind to hear the occasional "You're hurting me." Turn about is fair play.
It's not as easy as the teachers make it look.
If we grunt it's not necessarily the girls fault.
We'll never admit if the girl is heavy. That would make us look weak.
Just because she small doesn't mean we want to dance with her.
Some times the big girls are more fun to dance with.
Sweaty leotards are gross.
We get used to sweaty leotards.
You know those slick shiny leotards you wear? Please don't.
We can't watch a girl get partnered by some who is weak, can't partner, or we hate.
We have a hard time watching other people dance with the girl if we care about her.
If we ever find our perfect partner we never want to dance with anyone else.
It is usually our fault... But not always, even if we say it is.
Sometimes we can't tell if we messed up, or they did.
When you throw off your balance we want to kick you.
If we ever drop someone, we feel like we should be beaten to death.
If we've been hurt at anytime in a Pas De Deux class we want to tell everyone.
Girl Truths
Pointe shoes really do suck, they are pure evil, they are straight from hell.
-Cristina Betts
Leotard snaps are not only natural, they are utterly and completely necessary
Males will never understand leotard snaps
No matter how much your feet hurt, mine hurt worse
Blisters, raw skin, missing, warped and ingrown toe nails are all part of the game
Our bare feet are not pretty
Males should have to wear pointe shoes for at least a week, so they may know the hell we must go through
Girls with perfect ballet bodies make us sick.
Young girls who want pointe shoes are foolish.
Sewing pointe shoes takes too freaking long
-Megan Ramer
Outside of class we have to wear our hair up, it just doesn't feel natural to have it down since we spend so much time in class
-Megan Ramer
You can never have too many leotards
Breaking pointe shoes is hell
Nothing sucks worse then killing a new pair of pointe shoes
There are so many different ways to break in pointe shoes they could never be counted.
My feet hurt.
It's not uncommon to see a bobby pin go flying when doing turns
Guys carry a pair of ballet shoes, we carry at least two pairs of pointe shoes, a pair of ballet slippers, sewing kit, hair kit, tape, toe pads, extra leotard, scissors, second skin, bandaids, water, and some things we probably haven't seen for years.
It feels great to be able to do more turns then a guy
We're not all pretty, proper little prima ballerinas no matter how nice we seem
Girls in Pas de deux Class
We don't always notice when we hit the guy
If a guy allows us to fall to the ground we should be allowed to either kick him or kill him depending on the height of the drop
It's hard not to correct our balance when you have us in the wrong spot
If we do hit you in a turn we feel like we can't apologize enough
It take awhile to earn our trust
We hate to dance with people we don't like
If we ever find our perfect partner we never want to dance with any one else
If a guy treats us well we're more likely to dance with him
It's not easy just to jump in and dance with some one for the first time
It takes awhile to get use to being lifted
Whip turns are scary with someone who knows how to belt out ten of them
Whip turns are scary with someone who doesn't know how to do them
Big lifts are scary if you don't know how well the guy can do them
Big lifts are still scary even when you know the guy can do them
Guys who force us to dance with them are jerks
If we make the guy grunt we feel like we didn't jump high enough
It's no fun to dance with a weak partner
Males: GET US ON OUR CENTER.
Short guys are fun to dance with
Don't force us to go somewhere we don't want to or shouldn't
Don't blame us when we land on your foot, you're the one who put us down on it
Hand slips are to be excepted... RARELY!
If the guy's hand does 'slip' we wonder if he did it on purpose