Little Pistols and Companion Halls, Desperation Tentacles
This seems like an entirely appropriate time to update this thing. I haven't done so for almost 2 months now, and haven't really cared. To be completely honest, I had nothing to say. I was working on my senior project, sleeping in, and doing basically nothing eventful. I didn't feel like coming on and throwing out an entry about how dull I am. However, today seems like somewhat of a landmark, or at least the opening moments of one. First, my senior project is officially done. I presented today, thus brining my month of work to a much welcomed close. Don't get me wrong; I absolutely loved it. However, by the end I was absolutely ready to finish. So, basically that means I'm done with high school. No classes, no acedemic work, no commitments. All I have left is 4 days of graduation preperation. Tommorow is rehersal and senior recognition night. Then it's Class Day and the senior cruise. Then graduation party. And then I graduate, and I am done. 4 years come to a close that abruptly. Well, seemingly abruptly to me I suppose. During thie ntire project, I've just felt so disconnected to everything. Now, I finally finish it and I am about to be literally disconnected very shortly after.
Really, it's a strange feeling. I think I'm ready to graduate; At least I hope I am. But at the same time, I'm really not sure anymore. I'm very excited to head off to Ithaca next year and meet people. However, it's kind of starting to hit me now. For example, when last year's seniors left I began to long for them to return. It was strange, but I just started missing people pretty quickly. Maybe because they represented better times which I yearned for in some dull moments. But regardless, I can't begin to imagine being horribly isolated from everyone now. When those kids were gone, I still had all of my friends hanging around. Next year will be interesting, no doubt. But I suppose I'm getting nervous that I will have a harder time fitting in than I think. I feel like I have a comfort zone that I can't seem to break out of. I'll hang out with other people and just feel very out of place at times. I just don't feel like I'm good at interacting with people. I never have anything interesting to say. Even with people I'm close with, sometimes I just don't have anything to say. I don't know, there's not really a thought in any of this. Or sense. I'm just tired and overthinking.
Anyways, all I'm getting at is that high school has been a very interesting learning experience as well as so much more. I'm just preparing myself to graduate now and making sure I'm good with myself. That I'm satisfied with where I am. Clearly there are things I wish I'd done. Not particularly regrets, but just intrest points. I'm pretty sure everything that happened did for a good reason. I'm sure some desicions I made were for the absolute best. Maybe not absolute, but at least for my own good. Just to learn from it. We'll see what happens. For now, I'm just going to wait and see how I feel after the whole ordeal concludes. I'm sure I'll have more to say then, seeing as this is just a mess.
Also, tonight I ghost rode the whip for my first time. A new chapter of my life is truly now beginning.
Really, it's a strange feeling. I think I'm ready to graduate; At least I hope I am. But at the same time, I'm really not sure anymore. I'm very excited to head off to Ithaca next year and meet people. However, it's kind of starting to hit me now. For example, when last year's seniors left I began to long for them to return. It was strange, but I just started missing people pretty quickly. Maybe because they represented better times which I yearned for in some dull moments. But regardless, I can't begin to imagine being horribly isolated from everyone now. When those kids were gone, I still had all of my friends hanging around. Next year will be interesting, no doubt. But I suppose I'm getting nervous that I will have a harder time fitting in than I think. I feel like I have a comfort zone that I can't seem to break out of. I'll hang out with other people and just feel very out of place at times. I just don't feel like I'm good at interacting with people. I never have anything interesting to say. Even with people I'm close with, sometimes I just don't have anything to say. I don't know, there's not really a thought in any of this. Or sense. I'm just tired and overthinking.
Anyways, all I'm getting at is that high school has been a very interesting learning experience as well as so much more. I'm just preparing myself to graduate now and making sure I'm good with myself. That I'm satisfied with where I am. Clearly there are things I wish I'd done. Not particularly regrets, but just intrest points. I'm pretty sure everything that happened did for a good reason. I'm sure some desicions I made were for the absolute best. Maybe not absolute, but at least for my own good. Just to learn from it. We'll see what happens. For now, I'm just going to wait and see how I feel after the whole ordeal concludes. I'm sure I'll have more to say then, seeing as this is just a mess.
Also, tonight I ghost rode the whip for my first time. A new chapter of my life is truly now beginning.