Advice about ongoing unpaid overtime and work stress

[mariole]

Hi, my friends! I'm up writing at 3:30 in the morning because I have a tension ball in my stomach and can't sleep. A wonderful situation at work turned on its head. Any advice regarding my mistakes and situation is very welcome. And listen, feel free to tell me what a jerk I've been, because I am not blameless in this mess I've made for myself. I'm

Comments

[cookiefleck]

First of all, you didn't do anything "wrong." Okay, so you lost your cool, after provocation. Big la de dah. I wish I had a nickel for everyone who has done that, including me. Obviously not the correct way to handle problems in the workplace, but not the huge thing they are making it out to be and certainly not worthy of major career repercussions. It only becomes a "big deal" because you spouted off to someone with more influence, and who is of a vindictive nature, perhaps inclined to fan the flames.

This is my main advice for now: Don't do anything in haste. Don't quit your job. Don't even bring up the subject any more to anyone at work, because you already did that. Just do your work for now and let the issue blow over. Wait a little while and the emotional punch to the stomach that you just took will recede. After that happens, you are in a position to make decisions about your next step with a cool head. And, yes, think about changing jobs if you feel that your future there is compromised, etc. But wait a little and then evaluate in a more dispassionate frame of mind.

What upper management always wants is harmony and efficiency. In fact, they value harmony above all. So anything you can do to further that goal is good. They (the director and your boss) have probably forgotten about it already to some extent... they had their talks with you and I would wager good money that they just want everything to go along smoothly at this point and are blocking the issue out of their minds. And re those marketing bitches, if I were you and had to continue to work with them, butter wouldn't melt in my mouth. I'd bite my tongue off if needed and flatter them and whatnot. Separately, a little while down the road, you can be thinking about whether this is where you still want to work or if you want to make a change.

Remember if you do leave, you are probably going to want a good reference. So sucking it up for now and being cheerful, etc., furthers your goals in that regard.

I'm sorry this happened. I've been in emotional situations at work myself in the past, and it's very hurtful. But it will pass, remember that. Just hang on a little longer.

Cookie, retired HR Manager

[cookiefleck]

Looking over some of the other advice here... I want to add that it's not generally a good strategy for an employee to act or think in adversarial or defensive or protective mode. Rarely will an employee come out ahead in any way using that approach (unless there is a very strong discrimination case or worker's comp case in the offing). Being "liked" rather than being "right" is the key to successfully diffusing any negative perception. In general, it's best to let the bad stuff go entirely and recede in everyone's memory. (Suck it up if necessary and) address any perceived/voiced performance issues with maturity, and stealthily work to change perceptions (reference my pm).

[mariole]

I have been following your advice-- ALL of your advice-- very closely for the last two days. I believe it's serving me well.

Wednesday: I go into the head trainer's office pretty much falling apart, close his door, and inform him that I'm now being accused of making a physical threat. He does not offer to support me in any way, although he was a witness. I conclude he feels I'm just dead wrong and deserve all this pain. I tell him I'm upset and won't be as efficient as normal, and I'm not. I cry most of the day, and from 3-5 AM send out my cry for help on LJ.

Thursday: Up at 7. Start reading the very kind responses on LJ. Pull out Stephen Covey and read about Win/Win vs. Win/Lose which turns into Lose/Lose. Recognize myself, gain some objectivity. Go into work and pop into the head trainer's office, bubbling with my ideas and plans for the day. Rest of the day I'm chuckling with coworkers as usual. The head trainer and my boss are startled; where was the weeping woman? My regular personality is back. They are suspicious over this sudden transformation, but I don't care. I just go forward.

It took my boss a couple of days to forgive me. I could see it in how reserved he was with me. Then Friday, when I delivered a new emergency project for him in just 3 hours, he came down to my office to thank me personally. We're not quite back to business as usual, but I think he's grateful that I'm working hard and well and am back to results-focused.

Of course, this could all blow up again on Monday when the director gets back from vacation. I didn't defend myself to him before, and I plan to not do so again. I'll take full responsibility, explain that I've been working on developing better tools for conflict resolution, and let them chew me out and punish me to whatever extent they feel is necessary. If _I_ feel it's excessive, I'll just weigh that in my evaluation of the company and my decision to move somewhere else. But that won't happen speedily, not these days and in this market. Unless I quit outright, I'm probably there for another 4 months minimum, so I'd better find out a way to deal with this situation.

The bottom line is that I've identified a real weakness in my interpersonal skills, and intend to work on that. I'm meeting two other writers soon for wine and cheese, and I hope they can coach me into some more positive conflict-resolution tactics.

Thanks a million for your wonderfully valuable advice. I so appreciate it. (You got me this job, you realize. Because of your suggestions about how to rework my resume, they pulled me out of the slush pile for an interview-- no internal reference. This is only the second job I ever got that was like that. You're the queen and I wanted you to know it.)

My highest regards, you lovely one. Cheers.

[cookiefleck]

I've been glad to offer my two cents, but all credit goes to you and your attitude (e.g., your ability to assess objectively and regroup as necessary, etc.). I don't think you necessarily need to bring anything up to the big boss in the immediate future unless you think something was left hanging. Your positive teamworky approach going forward will say volumes by example. I'm pulling for you to dazzle next week.

[mariole]

I hope to do so! If it goes lousy....you'll hear! :D

Thanks again. Happy Sunday!