absolutely beautiful imagery ... very believable ... I could see them in my minds eye kind of writing, which I love.
only one typo that I found in the whole thing, in this sentence: Of course the first few were of absolute torture to the boy; he teased and played him, like the pray he was, to the point of no return.
Thank you.;] I am quite proud of this little piece here, it was one of those rare times when things worked exactly as I wanted. It is good to know it comes out as believable.
Very good! I myself am mostly a lurker reader. I write sometimes, but they become epic saga's that stay in my head because I'm to lazy to write.
Anyway, I feel like maybe the vampire would have whispered the I love you? Or did he and you were just expressing his passion or somethin'? It doesn't really matter, just my interpretation.
Oh, and one little thing that niggled.
“…creatures ready to devour the souls and bodies of the imprudent that wander into this wilderness…”
Imprudent works, but in the context of the sentence it just doesn't seem dramatic enough, ya know? I wish I could think of a better word for you, but I'm blanking.
Sorry about all this, I suddenly have an editing and inspiring bug. XD Your story just happened to be the next on my reading list. XPP
I know exactly what you mean by stories becoming epic sagas, I tend to do that also, but this one just composed itself into a nice, small piece. Everything else just beyond control.:p
And the vampire does whisper the 'I love you'. I put it in caps cos it is a decisive moment for him, the final shattering of the ice in his heart.
About the imprudent, maybe you're right, I'll have to think about it; and no worries I always welcome the input from readers, especially if the piece hasn't been beta-read, like this one.
Thank you for reading and leaving a word or two.;]
Comments 9
only one typo that I found in the whole thing, in this sentence: Of course the first few were of absolute torture to the boy; he teased and played him, like the pray he was, to the point of no return.
pray should be prey
other than that, flawless.
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And thanks for spotting that typo.♥ *is fixed*
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and you're welcome.
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I might just try and do it.;]
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Anyway, I feel like maybe the vampire would have whispered the I love you? Or did he and you were just expressing his passion or somethin'? It doesn't really matter, just my interpretation.
Oh, and one little thing that niggled.
“…creatures ready to devour the souls and bodies of the imprudent that wander into this wilderness…”
Imprudent works, but in the context of the sentence it just doesn't seem dramatic enough, ya know? I wish I could think of a better word for you, but I'm blanking.
Sorry about all this, I suddenly have an editing and inspiring bug. XD Your story just happened to be the next on my reading list. XPP
Anyway, great job, keep it up! ^_^
Reply
And the vampire does whisper the 'I love you'. I put it in caps cos it is a decisive moment for him, the final shattering of the ice in his heart.
About the imprudent, maybe you're right, I'll have to think about it; and no worries I always welcome the input from readers, especially if the piece hasn't been beta-read, like this one.
Thank you for reading and leaving a word or two.;]
Reply
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