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ahh, writer's block. how i LOATHE thee. i want to be a writer, and yet about 99.9% of the time it seems i can't fucking write!!! i LOVE to write, i have INCREDIBLE material to write about, and i have all the ideas... it's just somewhere in between my brain and the computer screen something gets really messed up. my biggest problem is my vocabulary--or lack thereof. for an english major who has been reading like crazy almost her entire life i use a surprisingly small amount of words in my daily discourse. it's actually quite depressing. i seriously think it's a chemical problem in my brain... because i also have trouble learning other languages. i just can never seem to keep the vocabulary constant in my head. i'm always referring to dictionaries and english translations... it sucks man. anyhow, this all may just be a lack of effort, and i'm just whining, but still, if i'm going to be a writer the first thing i need NEED NEED to do is to enlarge my vocabulary. my second problem, is that i only write about myself. i've never really explored writing about other characters, charcters in a different point in their life than i'm presently in, i've never tried writing from the point of view of a male character, or a character living in a different country... well not that i know enough about geography to pull that off (another barrier)... AHHH. sometimes life can be so DAMN overwhelming. i thought i didn't have to have all the answers at 20 years old, but sometimes i really feel like that's just something people tell you. because i don't have all the answers, and i'm realizing that's just not good enough. anyhow, back to this story i'm writing for class... and then i have a paper to do... ugh. at least shant's visiting tonight :) because that forces me to get all my work done during the day, and it also promises a very good end to the day, no matter how stressful it's been. i will be honest though, most of the stress i've been feeling lately is due to his sudden presence in my life (see previous entry). i love him and all, and we have a WONDERFUL time together, but all of a sudden a girl with VERY little experience in relationships is just thrust head first into one and left alone to fend for herself... it's scary! don't get me wrong, if i were to choose anyone to be my boyfriend in this relationship i just described it would be him. he's amazing, he's like my relationship coach, and the best part is, he doesn't seem to mind. granted my mood swings and my seeming inability to "just be happy damnit!" (as he says) do bother him, but for the most part he's AWESOME about analyzing my feelings and making me see that most of the time i'm making a bigger deal out of things than i need to. a MUCH bigger deal. i've also gotten to know tom really well because of shant. i knew tom before, but since he and shant are like best friends i've definitely gotten to know him better recently. like, to the point where we're talking on the phone multiple times a week. which is GREAT, because tom is just a REALLY GOOD GUY (and i can't say that about too many guys these days). and he really knows how to have fun. so tom and i have become fast friends, which is wonderful, and on top of that i'm meeting a lot of other people through shant--and i finally made my first visit to MSU! great times... despite the covert op we were forced into the last morning... ex-girlfriend issues... but it's cool, i'm learning to understand that our situation is "unique", and there are things we have to deal with. on another note, my mom still thinks i'm going to law school. will someone please bring her back to reality, and fast!?!?! don't get me wrong, i love the woman, but COME ON! HOW many times do i have to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR that there is no way in hell i'm touching law school with a ten foot pole??? ugh... ANYHOW, no more bitching, shant's coming tonight, and there's only a bit of work left coming between now and spending a romantic night him. take-out and a movie at home :) SO excited.