(no subject)
It's time.
I've tried to avoid this rant, really, I have. I've tried to talk about Star Wars. I've tried to talk about M&M's. I even, this morning, considered talking about hairbrushes and why they break, and why frogs, still, to this day, continue to bother me on a deep inner-child level, and, while I was on that subject, to ask if I'm the only person that seems to have six inner children, not just one, and how I can possibly get all of my inner children to stop fighting. I mused over writing a rant about the stupidity of certain senators who believe that telling us that their return to the status quo is some sort of remarkable breakthrough. I've even considered writing a learned discourse about microwaving marshmellows and the political role of this activity in American society.
But I can hold back no longer.
Bathrooms.
Specifically, public bathrooms.
Specifically, female public bathrooms.
Most of you, I can tell, are already cringing, and with good reason. Going to a public bathroom in the United States is, to put it mildly, an ordeal. Now, those of you who have seen my home know that I don't exactly follow the Martha Stewart standard of either home decorating or cleaning, and I am also aware of the exciting investigative reports showing that ATMs and other items probably contain more icky bacteria than do public bathrooms. So my standards aren't high, and I'm willing to tolerate quite a bit, but even I have my limits.
And it's all completely freaking unnecessary.
Last night was a classic case: we were at a movie theater, and, literally, the floor was covered with wadded up toilet paper; blood was on the seat on the second stall; and really, I think you'll want me to stop there. For god's sake, people, I understand that your movie is starting, but, you know, take a few seconds to clean up. And this was hardly the worst restroom I've been in; I suspect that virtually every female reader of this can tell considerably worse stories.
Why do people just leave toilet paper strewn around public restrooms, by the way? I mean, honestly, I just don't get the point.
I'd like to say that this problem is not confined to the U.S., and, of course, it isn't. The very, very very worst public bathroom I have ever been to was in Nepal, and, trust me, you just do not want to know. (No, really.) The second worst was in Aswan, Egypt. And I could name a few others. But, you know, I've also travelled to countries with absolutely marvelous bathrooms -- Japan immediately leaps to mind, with the added bonus that Japan has, bar none, the best toilets in the world, toilets that dazzle you with toilet concepts that you never, ever thought were necessary, like, massagers, and specific heating elements, and other things -- and, they're kept absolutely, spotlessly, clean. I don't expect the U.S. to rise to Japanese heights, but, you know, I also don't think I'm asking too much when I beg that we at least try to limit the toilet paper problem.
When I left the restroom, I noted that if Emperor Palpatine had just risen to his feet and announced that the new Empire would guarantee clean public bathrooms for everyone, he would have won right then and there, hands down. Now, sure, you're telling me, if he'd done that, we would have missed an exciting lightsaber duel, and that's true, but, you know, sometimes, sacrifices are necessary. I can also guarantee that had Dubya risen to his feet, and said, loudly, clearly, and in grammatical English * "AND, AS PRESIDENT, I WILL GUARANTEE SPOTLESS BATHROOMS IN OUR NATION," then...
Actually this is a rather uncomfortable thought. So I'll stop now.
* I know, I know. I keep hoping that he'll learn to speak in complete sentences any day now, but I'm an incurable optimist.
I've tried to avoid this rant, really, I have. I've tried to talk about Star Wars. I've tried to talk about M&M's. I even, this morning, considered talking about hairbrushes and why they break, and why frogs, still, to this day, continue to bother me on a deep inner-child level, and, while I was on that subject, to ask if I'm the only person that seems to have six inner children, not just one, and how I can possibly get all of my inner children to stop fighting. I mused over writing a rant about the stupidity of certain senators who believe that telling us that their return to the status quo is some sort of remarkable breakthrough. I've even considered writing a learned discourse about microwaving marshmellows and the political role of this activity in American society.
But I can hold back no longer.
Bathrooms.
Specifically, public bathrooms.
Specifically, female public bathrooms.
Most of you, I can tell, are already cringing, and with good reason. Going to a public bathroom in the United States is, to put it mildly, an ordeal. Now, those of you who have seen my home know that I don't exactly follow the Martha Stewart standard of either home decorating or cleaning, and I am also aware of the exciting investigative reports showing that ATMs and other items probably contain more icky bacteria than do public bathrooms. So my standards aren't high, and I'm willing to tolerate quite a bit, but even I have my limits.
And it's all completely freaking unnecessary.
Last night was a classic case: we were at a movie theater, and, literally, the floor was covered with wadded up toilet paper; blood was on the seat on the second stall; and really, I think you'll want me to stop there. For god's sake, people, I understand that your movie is starting, but, you know, take a few seconds to clean up. And this was hardly the worst restroom I've been in; I suspect that virtually every female reader of this can tell considerably worse stories.
Why do people just leave toilet paper strewn around public restrooms, by the way? I mean, honestly, I just don't get the point.
I'd like to say that this problem is not confined to the U.S., and, of course, it isn't. The very, very very worst public bathroom I have ever been to was in Nepal, and, trust me, you just do not want to know. (No, really.) The second worst was in Aswan, Egypt. And I could name a few others. But, you know, I've also travelled to countries with absolutely marvelous bathrooms -- Japan immediately leaps to mind, with the added bonus that Japan has, bar none, the best toilets in the world, toilets that dazzle you with toilet concepts that you never, ever thought were necessary, like, massagers, and specific heating elements, and other things -- and, they're kept absolutely, spotlessly, clean. I don't expect the U.S. to rise to Japanese heights, but, you know, I also don't think I'm asking too much when I beg that we at least try to limit the toilet paper problem.
When I left the restroom, I noted that if Emperor Palpatine had just risen to his feet and announced that the new Empire would guarantee clean public bathrooms for everyone, he would have won right then and there, hands down. Now, sure, you're telling me, if he'd done that, we would have missed an exciting lightsaber duel, and that's true, but, you know, sometimes, sacrifices are necessary. I can also guarantee that had Dubya risen to his feet, and said, loudly, clearly, and in grammatical English * "AND, AS PRESIDENT, I WILL GUARANTEE SPOTLESS BATHROOMS IN OUR NATION," then...
Actually this is a rather uncomfortable thought. So I'll stop now.
* I know, I know. I keep hoping that he'll learn to speak in complete sentences any day now, but I'm an incurable optimist.