Thoughts on SPN 5.18

[marinarusalka]

Mostly a bullet list, 'cause I'm not organized enough to manage a proper essay.

• All through this apocalypse storyline -- which means, basically the last two seasons -- the Winchesters have been struggling with the tension between "we're stronger together, we can't let the bad guys break us apart" and "we need to get out of this toxic cycle of martyrdom and codependency between us." This week they finally found the right balance. They are stronger together, but the togetherness has to come from mutual respect and from acknowledging each other to be adults who can be trusted to decide for themselves, not from "OMG I'm too scared and broken to live without you please hold me!!!!" Of course Sam got there first, because Sam has been struggling to get there all his life. But it wasn't until Dean got there two that the boys could really move forward.
  
  
• I don't agree that Sam was wrong every time he tried to walk away, but then I don't think Sam really agrees with it either. He said what (he thought) Dean needed to hear at that moment, what he thought would get him the response he wanted. It's always worth remembering that Sam aspired to be a lawyer once.
  
  
• I love that Sam knows Dean well enough to know exactly where Dean would go in his suicidal fugue and to track him down. Not that I doubted it, but it was good to see on-screen confirmation.
  
  
• Dean takes his turn in the panic room, which is one ginormous solid metaphor for the Winchester disfunction. Panic. Blind, flailing fear that overrides all rational responses. The flip-flopping cycle where one brother feels trapped and desperate to escape and the other won't let him go. It's not until Sam voluntarily, as an act of trust, releases Dean from the panic room, that Dean can finally find his strength and the boys can finally triumph over Zachariah.
  
  
• It's worth noting that the panic room was originally built as a place where Bobby could lock himself in to be safe from external attack, not as a place to lock other people in to wrestle with their internal demons.
  
  
• Castiel twice released a Winchester from the panic room at the wrong time/for the wrong reasons. With Sam he did it on purpose, and horrible things happened. With Dean, he did it by mistake and horrible things likely would've happened if Castiel hadn't taken steps to fix it. In any case, the point is, it's not up to Castiel to free the Winchesters. Only the Winchesters can free the Winchesters.
  
  
• Adam, despite being a "flight risk," never got stuck in the panic room. He's got his own issues, but he's not part of the Winchester mess.
  
  
• I liked Adam a lot. I especially liked how his real personality was very different from the persona that the ghoul had put on when it was impersonating him, yet it was easy to see where the ghoul was getting it from. And I liked how his family loyalty was all to his mother and not to some guy who took him to a ball game once a year, or to these two bozos claiming to be his brothers and expecting trust and loyalty from him without doing anything to earn it. Of course by the time they did earn it, it was too late. Poor Adam.
  
  
• I have a lot of thinky thoughts about "destiny" and how, despite all the talk about it, it doesn't actually appear to exist in the SPN universe, but I think I want to see how the rest of the season plays out before I put that meta together.
  

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