And they wonder why...
Do all my old friends think that because I went away I didn't want them as friends? I'm sitting at my laptop, going through the pictures they have on their myspaces, and facebooks. And it feels like I have been cut out entirely, and totally replaced with someone. Now I feel so alone inside. Am I meant to have only so few friends so far away? It feels that way. I'd call some of my coworkers friends, but they aren't by my book.
Friends are people who hang out with you, will send you random texts just to see what's going on with your day, or to check in if you're not feeling well in any manner. Friends take you out to places, or go with you, and hang out and have fun. Real friends plan movie nights, and remember your birthday and any other important date.
I had so many, then within two months (literally) It went from close to ten to.... Three. Two in town, and one out of state all the way in Washington. And even then, it slowly trickled down to two as I lost one of my friends in town. Then there was that spiel with the sleepover... *sniffles and prepares for longwindedness*
So, I was at Courtney's house, and a lot of our other friends were there for the sleepover. It was JUST before Xmas, so we did a bit of gift swapping that night. And we were staying up late and chatting, like most teenage girls do at sleepovers (*clears throat* The non-lesbian ones, that is) do. Only I went to bed early, as I had recently gotten over a wave of bronchitis and was feeling very fatigued still. I bid everyone good night, explain to some anguished cries of "Don't go!" my situation, and go to bed around midnight.
Naught but TWO hours later, literally, I get woken up rather violently. I was poked, prodded, had wet fingers stuck into my ear, the blankets pulled off of me, and they were trying to push me over. All so Courtney's damn niece-in-law could turn on the loud TV and watch some fucking Hannah Montana.
Wide awake by now, and furious enough to tear a room apart, I simply grab a pillow and a blanket and head upstairs to sleep on the little couch in the living room up there. I go back to sleep with difficulty, and wake up later to a furious group of "friends" and not one of them asked me what was I doing sleeping up there.
Looking back on it now, I knew I should have woken up Courtney's parents. That would have gotten me a sure-fire ride home to some peace and quiet, AND had everyone else sent home too. But I didn't, and I don't care at this point.
And then there's this whole shitpile going on in my head. I keep thinking about my ex, and comparing him to my fiance. True, Rob falls very short of Matt in so many categories, but still, the comparisons keep swimming about my head. And for a while there, I was scared and super concerned because my thoughts about Rob were starting to stray back to the feelings I used to have for him. Not good. But with the promise of rain we've been having lately, I can finally manage to wash myself of them, and so I do feel lighter in that aspect of anticipation.
Friends are people who hang out with you, will send you random texts just to see what's going on with your day, or to check in if you're not feeling well in any manner. Friends take you out to places, or go with you, and hang out and have fun. Real friends plan movie nights, and remember your birthday and any other important date.
I had so many, then within two months (literally) It went from close to ten to.... Three. Two in town, and one out of state all the way in Washington. And even then, it slowly trickled down to two as I lost one of my friends in town. Then there was that spiel with the sleepover... *sniffles and prepares for longwindedness*
So, I was at Courtney's house, and a lot of our other friends were there for the sleepover. It was JUST before Xmas, so we did a bit of gift swapping that night. And we were staying up late and chatting, like most teenage girls do at sleepovers (*clears throat* The non-lesbian ones, that is) do. Only I went to bed early, as I had recently gotten over a wave of bronchitis and was feeling very fatigued still. I bid everyone good night, explain to some anguished cries of "Don't go!" my situation, and go to bed around midnight.
Naught but TWO hours later, literally, I get woken up rather violently. I was poked, prodded, had wet fingers stuck into my ear, the blankets pulled off of me, and they were trying to push me over. All so Courtney's damn niece-in-law could turn on the loud TV and watch some fucking Hannah Montana.
Wide awake by now, and furious enough to tear a room apart, I simply grab a pillow and a blanket and head upstairs to sleep on the little couch in the living room up there. I go back to sleep with difficulty, and wake up later to a furious group of "friends" and not one of them asked me what was I doing sleeping up there.
Looking back on it now, I knew I should have woken up Courtney's parents. That would have gotten me a sure-fire ride home to some peace and quiet, AND had everyone else sent home too. But I didn't, and I don't care at this point.
And then there's this whole shitpile going on in my head. I keep thinking about my ex, and comparing him to my fiance. True, Rob falls very short of Matt in so many categories, but still, the comparisons keep swimming about my head. And for a while there, I was scared and super concerned because my thoughts about Rob were starting to stray back to the feelings I used to have for him. Not good. But with the promise of rain we've been having lately, I can finally manage to wash myself of them, and so I do feel lighter in that aspect of anticipation.