They say ignorance is bliss......
But when someone ignores you, what do you do? Here's how it starts.
I feel like I'm losing my fiance. Almost every night I go to bed without him while he stays up on the computer, looking up ROMS for his emulators and screwing off on the Internet. I wake up every single morning to the sounds of his emulator games and I just want to cry. I've told him time and again that I don't like it when he's doing that and he keeps promising to stop, but it hasn't yet. I doubt it will. I know he's getting off and going to bed, but it's still painful to hear those sounds in my semi-awake states of falling asleep and waking up.
I'm sick right now, and so is he and his brother Eric, and I feel like I'm the only one who's left to take care of myself and make sure I get myself better. I may just let myself get worse and make Matt take care of me.
I'm getting no affection from Matt willingly, none at all. I have to walk up to him and be affectionate to him first to get some lovin's. I have to beg for snuggling and I have to damn near cry to pull him from the computer for even five milliseconds.
I get this horrible feeling that I'm going to have to leave this house because I'm not getting anything for doing the things I do. I don't want that to happen! I don't want to become this horrible, depressed person who's lost the most important in her life! I mean it's bad enough that the fact my own mother has a benign tumor is scary, since even benign can turn malignant so fast it's scary and fucked up.
On that note, Eric made a tiny joke about tumors and I asked nicely to not joke about that and he asked why. I told him about my mom, and he got pissy about it, saying, "She's lucky that it's benign while my mother's dying from her malignant one!"
I know she is, and there's nothing surgery can do, since it's across her medulla oblongata, whereas my mom's is on her pituitary gland. Medicine has turned her into a drooling vegetable, so she stopped. On that topic, she was taking Temodar, and was supposed to take it for only a year. The company suckered her into seven years. Seven! Gone from her own memory. She forgets things from five minutes ago. We theorize that when she goes to the bathroom, she forgets that she's in there after a moment. Her hearing's horrible, you have to yell for her to hear properly (doesn't help that she blares the TV while you're talking, though...), her sight's terrible, and she's stumbling all over the place.
I know that when you compare the two women, my mom isn't as bad as Matt's, but she could be in a heartbeat. That's what scares me, that's what made me ask Eric to not joke about tumors.
Thank you all for reading about my rant, I appreciate it. I feel a bit better for getting that out, so not I'm going to go take a shower to help me get better.
Goodnight!
XOXOXO
Marina
P.S. This is longer than my last one, which isn't good.
I feel like I'm losing my fiance. Almost every night I go to bed without him while he stays up on the computer, looking up ROMS for his emulators and screwing off on the Internet. I wake up every single morning to the sounds of his emulator games and I just want to cry. I've told him time and again that I don't like it when he's doing that and he keeps promising to stop, but it hasn't yet. I doubt it will. I know he's getting off and going to bed, but it's still painful to hear those sounds in my semi-awake states of falling asleep and waking up.
I'm sick right now, and so is he and his brother Eric, and I feel like I'm the only one who's left to take care of myself and make sure I get myself better. I may just let myself get worse and make Matt take care of me.
I'm getting no affection from Matt willingly, none at all. I have to walk up to him and be affectionate to him first to get some lovin's. I have to beg for snuggling and I have to damn near cry to pull him from the computer for even five milliseconds.
I get this horrible feeling that I'm going to have to leave this house because I'm not getting anything for doing the things I do. I don't want that to happen! I don't want to become this horrible, depressed person who's lost the most important in her life! I mean it's bad enough that the fact my own mother has a benign tumor is scary, since even benign can turn malignant so fast it's scary and fucked up.
On that note, Eric made a tiny joke about tumors and I asked nicely to not joke about that and he asked why. I told him about my mom, and he got pissy about it, saying, "She's lucky that it's benign while my mother's dying from her malignant one!"
I know she is, and there's nothing surgery can do, since it's across her medulla oblongata, whereas my mom's is on her pituitary gland. Medicine has turned her into a drooling vegetable, so she stopped. On that topic, she was taking Temodar, and was supposed to take it for only a year. The company suckered her into seven years. Seven! Gone from her own memory. She forgets things from five minutes ago. We theorize that when she goes to the bathroom, she forgets that she's in there after a moment. Her hearing's horrible, you have to yell for her to hear properly (doesn't help that she blares the TV while you're talking, though...), her sight's terrible, and she's stumbling all over the place.
I know that when you compare the two women, my mom isn't as bad as Matt's, but she could be in a heartbeat. That's what scares me, that's what made me ask Eric to not joke about tumors.
Thank you all for reading about my rant, I appreciate it. I feel a bit better for getting that out, so not I'm going to go take a shower to help me get better.
Goodnight!
XOXOXO
Marina
P.S. This is longer than my last one, which isn't good.