something you dont want to read
its been some time since i seen real daylight, ive been trapped inside this buzzing florecent hell. ive just been trying to get school stuff done so i dont have to think about it anymore. you know, you think that if you bury something so deep that it wont exist. i have to say its not true, feelings no matter hateful or loving still remain. no matter how many hobbies you start, songs you write, or drugs you smoke. when that short retreat is over they are still there, maybe you will smile about something they told you or you could remember a horrible time and feel a deep twinge of anger or saddness. but the thing is they existed, and even though you havent seen them in decades or even gotten a phone call to catch up they will always still be in essence alive in your memory. i have to say i would rather have that then not have known them at all. but then you feel defenceless, all you wanted to do was save that person and tell them its all going to be ok, but in the end you look and see that you had to save them from yourself in order for their happiness. ive made my mistakes in life and im paying for it and i have to say i am a much better trusting and loyal person because of it all i preach good advice so that others wont follow in my footsteps, i believe in karma so i have to right my wrongs. to all those who i havent seen i miss you all both friend and foe....