(no subject)
well i have not written anything since i left for camp so ill write about camp and whats happened since...well camp was actually so amazing...i thought it was going to suck but it didnt at all...rachel and chantel were in my cabin which i was pretty happy about cause their pretty cool i must say...the camp was actually so not full this year...there was only like 30 girls and like 12 boys...it was crazy...the band was amazing! they played some united which i was very happy about cause united is amazing...i felt God so much that whole week and i thought i was gonna think about brandon all week but i didnt think of him once which made me happy. haha then we had the talent show which was pretty funny i must say justins cabin sang hit me baby one more time and he was singing it to me! haha it was pretty sweet. the last day of camp was sad i made so many new friends and i didnt want to come back home cause home is gay but i had to so me and rachel and chantel all drove back together and then we dropped off rachel and chantels parents weren't hoke so she just stayed the night at my house which was fun cause she cut my hair. then the next day we hung out with kristen cause it was her birthday the day before so we went to lunch and then we just hung out at the mall then me and kristen came back to my house and chantel went home...then that night we went to subway with justin, and both brandons showed up....i was happy to hang out with brandon cause i hadnt seen him for like a week so i was pretty happy. that night was so much fun...everything with me and brandon was perfect he was so sweet and like playing with my hair and everythnig and i was so happy that night..then everythnig after that is kinda a blur until last night which was actually the worst night EVER...i had to work and like when i got to work brandon gave me the biggest hug ever which i thought was cute...then when i was on my break shane a guy i work with told me that i should be carefull with brandon cause he thinks hes gonna break up with me and then britnee took him outside and talked to him and he came back in and like didnt tell me anythnig so i was kinda scared and like he said he was gonna tell me what she said later so i was ok...then britnee said that as far as she knows brandon only likes me and isnt planning on dumping me or anything and i trusted her so i was ok...then when i got home after work i started talknig to shane and he told me that britnee said that brandon is probably gonna dump me but shes not gonna tell me cause shes known brandon longer so he can do the dumping!! i was so mad...and so i called brandon at like 12 and asked him what was going on and like what shne told me and everything...then he was like " oh im not really ready for a relationship right now" and i was like WTF when did you decide this and he was like " a couple of weeks ago" so before we hung out on sunday and he was like all over me....frick i was actually so mad...i hads to get off the phone with him cause i was so hurt but i didnt want him to know that i was crying...but i actually hate myself right now cause i let myself like a guy that i shouldnt have liked and that hurt me even though he promised he woulndt hurt me...im so mad at myself....and like now i cant stop thinking about anythnig but him and its driving me CRAZY!! im trying to take my mind off of it by like cleaning my room and its totally not working...im actually gonna hurt something if i cant get him off my mind!!