it's been a while
Hello? Hi! It's me. I thought I could give this up, and I think I've gone almost a year without posting, but one this sleepless autumn night I could not help but write to you allllll.
I'm sick. I'm getting strep throat. I can feel it. I really can, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
I'm a little stressed out. It's true. I have a lot going on. I am trying to squeeze two years into one so I can graduate early, get married and actually do what I want for once. And speaking of my wedding..oh crap. Weddings involve friends. I can't stand having friends. Sure, friends are fun to be around..when they are actually around. I've lost so many friends within the last threeish years. It blows. I had some really good friends, but moving to Boston has really put a damper on that. I guess it's a good thing most of the friends I am going to bitch about don't have me on their livejournal buddy list...I checked before I started to write this. Let's see...Julia. Gone. Lost her freshman year when her creepy boyfriend got all drunk and even creepier...most of you know what I'm talking about. I won't say anymore except that I hate beer, and it makes me vomm.
Nicole! Oh what a fucking winner. Talk about issues. She is such a great friend when you are sitting there with her. No one has ever made me feel as important as she made me feel. I honestly believed that we were best friends. I could tell her anything. She is one of the only people I could cry infront of and not feel like an idiot afterwards. Too bad she is the most self-righteous, spoiled, (and just MENTAL) people I have ever met. And yea, I am still bitter that NONE of my friends from PA have ever come to visit me (aside from Manasi who lived in Boston at the time, so that doesn't count) I've gone to visit everyone at their colleges in Philly when I came home, and yea I had to travel quite fucking far to do so. OK, not going to get mad. But it just really sucks that some people can just throw away a friendship that lasted for years. Me on the other hand...Ha, I can't do that. I get very attatched to my friends. I love my friends with every ounce of my freaking being.
Rachel. God, Rachel is my absolute best friend. I know she thinks I'm a softy and way too dramatic for my own good, and she tells me, and I love her for it. My FIRST real friend ever. Two major fights and that's it. TWO in 15 years. I want her to come up to Boston more than anyone else.I know she's had such a great time, but it's so expensive to come up here. AND I know I shouldn't be mad, but I like to think that it would be one the top of her list of things to do to come visit me, and yessss I know that's soooo selfish, but I just miss her. I hate to think that the only reason we are still friends is because we have been friends for sooo long and we just haven't had the fight that will end it. I think if my mom hadn't pressured me into having Michelle be my maid of honor, I would have asked Rachel. We both promised each other in like 5th grade that we would be te maid of honor in each other's weddings. Well fuck me, I lied. But then again, I don't think Rachel would be up for it. She's under a lot of stress and I think I made it worse just by asking her to be a bride's maid. I know she can do it though. Plus she looks awesome in the dress haha.
Jacky, the LOOOVE of my life. We were attatched at the hip last year...but noooow she's slooowly slipping away...boys. Always cause of boys. I have told her a million times that this is happening and she knows it, but it's like...new loves..you know how new loves are! It's like...all you want to do is spend every waking minute with that person and YES I can accept that and I want her to be with these new loves..it's just...once they're no longer a new love...she drops them and gets a new one...so there's always a new love and there's never any girl time like we used to have. I miss Jacky.
I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO SEE MY APARTMENT!
Baaah. I'm so not tired...yet I feel very...dizzzzzy cause I'm sick. But I can't sleep and Eric gets really irritated when I move around a lot in bed and if I sigh he gets all like...WHATS WRONG! ARE YOU OKAY! And it's just like dude, chill out and go to sleep...I AM JUST NOT TIRED.
Sucks too..caaaause I start my new job tomorrow at 8 and then I have class from 4pm-9:30.
I think I am going to give my parents $1000 to get them to stop smoking. I'm getting worried about them. They're not exactly young anymore and it's just..sooo bad for them. No one should smoke. It's fucking gross. So stop...ew. Gross.
I hate my sister. She's fat. and obnoxious and thinks she actually knows something about life. How come she gets all these super nice boyfriends...she's such an evil cow to them. And it's not like they're UGLY and nice. They're pretty good looking and they treat her like a damned princess...and guess what! She's NOT!
I miss my mom. I've been having really bad nostalgia lately. A freaking ham and cheese sandwich with mustard and butter made me cry the other day. That's what my mom used to pack me in my lunch. I hate getting sick and not being at home. Is it so wrong to want to lay on the blue couch in the living room and watch TLC and have my mom sit at the end of the couch and watch tv with me? Maybe make me some soup, jello or some tea? Take my temperature? Trust me, I am not having cold feet about marrying eric. That is the one thing I'm sure of right now, but I am having cold feet about growing up..and graduating and not living in PA. I wish I could marry eric and still be a kid.
God, the nextdoor neighbor is hacking up a lung. She smokes. I guess she deserves to hack up a lung then eh? Dumbass.
Oh and Fuck courtney for calling me superficial. Just because I really LIKE my engagement ring and I knew what kind i wanted and I LIKE PRETTY THINGS doesn't make me shallow. Maybe once you actually get a boyfriend you'll know a thing or two about relationships. Silly ass.
I think I'll try and go back to sleep. I might do this more often. Who knows!
night
I'm sick. I'm getting strep throat. I can feel it. I really can, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
I'm a little stressed out. It's true. I have a lot going on. I am trying to squeeze two years into one so I can graduate early, get married and actually do what I want for once. And speaking of my wedding..oh crap. Weddings involve friends. I can't stand having friends. Sure, friends are fun to be around..when they are actually around. I've lost so many friends within the last threeish years. It blows. I had some really good friends, but moving to Boston has really put a damper on that. I guess it's a good thing most of the friends I am going to bitch about don't have me on their livejournal buddy list...I checked before I started to write this. Let's see...Julia. Gone. Lost her freshman year when her creepy boyfriend got all drunk and even creepier...most of you know what I'm talking about. I won't say anymore except that I hate beer, and it makes me vomm.
Nicole! Oh what a fucking winner. Talk about issues. She is such a great friend when you are sitting there with her. No one has ever made me feel as important as she made me feel. I honestly believed that we were best friends. I could tell her anything. She is one of the only people I could cry infront of and not feel like an idiot afterwards. Too bad she is the most self-righteous, spoiled, (and just MENTAL) people I have ever met. And yea, I am still bitter that NONE of my friends from PA have ever come to visit me (aside from Manasi who lived in Boston at the time, so that doesn't count) I've gone to visit everyone at their colleges in Philly when I came home, and yea I had to travel quite fucking far to do so. OK, not going to get mad. But it just really sucks that some people can just throw away a friendship that lasted for years. Me on the other hand...Ha, I can't do that. I get very attatched to my friends. I love my friends with every ounce of my freaking being.
Rachel. God, Rachel is my absolute best friend. I know she thinks I'm a softy and way too dramatic for my own good, and she tells me, and I love her for it. My FIRST real friend ever. Two major fights and that's it. TWO in 15 years. I want her to come up to Boston more than anyone else.I know she's had such a great time, but it's so expensive to come up here. AND I know I shouldn't be mad, but I like to think that it would be one the top of her list of things to do to come visit me, and yessss I know that's soooo selfish, but I just miss her. I hate to think that the only reason we are still friends is because we have been friends for sooo long and we just haven't had the fight that will end it. I think if my mom hadn't pressured me into having Michelle be my maid of honor, I would have asked Rachel. We both promised each other in like 5th grade that we would be te maid of honor in each other's weddings. Well fuck me, I lied. But then again, I don't think Rachel would be up for it. She's under a lot of stress and I think I made it worse just by asking her to be a bride's maid. I know she can do it though. Plus she looks awesome in the dress haha.
Jacky, the LOOOVE of my life. We were attatched at the hip last year...but noooow she's slooowly slipping away...boys. Always cause of boys. I have told her a million times that this is happening and she knows it, but it's like...new loves..you know how new loves are! It's like...all you want to do is spend every waking minute with that person and YES I can accept that and I want her to be with these new loves..it's just...once they're no longer a new love...she drops them and gets a new one...so there's always a new love and there's never any girl time like we used to have. I miss Jacky.
I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO SEE MY APARTMENT!
Baaah. I'm so not tired...yet I feel very...dizzzzzy cause I'm sick. But I can't sleep and Eric gets really irritated when I move around a lot in bed and if I sigh he gets all like...WHATS WRONG! ARE YOU OKAY! And it's just like dude, chill out and go to sleep...I AM JUST NOT TIRED.
Sucks too..caaaause I start my new job tomorrow at 8 and then I have class from 4pm-9:30.
I think I am going to give my parents $1000 to get them to stop smoking. I'm getting worried about them. They're not exactly young anymore and it's just..sooo bad for them. No one should smoke. It's fucking gross. So stop...ew. Gross.
I hate my sister. She's fat. and obnoxious and thinks she actually knows something about life. How come she gets all these super nice boyfriends...she's such an evil cow to them. And it's not like they're UGLY and nice. They're pretty good looking and they treat her like a damned princess...and guess what! She's NOT!
I miss my mom. I've been having really bad nostalgia lately. A freaking ham and cheese sandwich with mustard and butter made me cry the other day. That's what my mom used to pack me in my lunch. I hate getting sick and not being at home. Is it so wrong to want to lay on the blue couch in the living room and watch TLC and have my mom sit at the end of the couch and watch tv with me? Maybe make me some soup, jello or some tea? Take my temperature? Trust me, I am not having cold feet about marrying eric. That is the one thing I'm sure of right now, but I am having cold feet about growing up..and graduating and not living in PA. I wish I could marry eric and still be a kid.
God, the nextdoor neighbor is hacking up a lung. She smokes. I guess she deserves to hack up a lung then eh? Dumbass.
Oh and Fuck courtney for calling me superficial. Just because I really LIKE my engagement ring and I knew what kind i wanted and I LIKE PRETTY THINGS doesn't make me shallow. Maybe once you actually get a boyfriend you'll know a thing or two about relationships. Silly ass.
I think I'll try and go back to sleep. I might do this more often. Who knows!
night