(no subject)
I almost posted this to FB today, and chickened out. If I put it here, I'll have it handy in case I change my mind.
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Sorta-kinda vaguebooking...
There's a thing I used to have. ("Thing" isn't the right word, but it'll do for now.) It helped me do something I loved and was reasonably good at.
It requires a significant commitment from someone else.
I haven't truly had it, not in fullness, in over 20 years.
I miss it.
I don't know if I miss it enough to ask any of my friends whether they're up to a similar commitment.
I don't know whether I really want to make that commitment again myself.
I don't know whether I still love doing the thing, enough to ask. A part of me says that if I truly do love doing it, I'd be doing it without the help. And I do still spend a lot of mental time on it, but that's as far as I go.
There are issues of self-worth wrapped up in this.
Issues of resource management - time and energy, other commitments that I have now and didn't have before.
Issues of what can best be described as "relationship management" - not letting the thing take over or damage a friendship.
I'm afraid to ask.
Afraid I'll be rejected.
Afraid I won't be.