(no subject)
A few thoughts that have been simmering in the back of my head for a couple of weeks... call it a rant, call it a whine, call it what you will.
I recognize that I am not likely ever to be a good fencer. I tremendously enjoy fencing; the entire time I'm out there with a sword in my hand, I'm grinning fit to break my face. I don't mind having my butt handed to me on a platter repeatedly over the course of an hour or two, and on the rare occasion that I do manage to land a shot or parry something or just generally not make an idiot of myself, it just adds to my fun. But much as I love all sports, I have no athletic gifts, poor coordination, slow reflexes, and lousy muscle memory. I know what it would take for me to improve past mediocre, and even if I had the time and energy required fencing would not be my first choice of where to spend them. So I’m relatively content with where I am and happy when I do grasp something new.
Yet I’ve realized that once again I’m actively finding reasons not to go to Tuesday practice, and it’s starting to spill over into Sundays as well.
I understand why this is happening although it’s difficult to put into words. It has a lot to do with learning styles and what I’ve come to understand about the way I process things. I found out the hard way (when, after a lifetime of playing wind instruments, I attempted to learn to play the piano) about the canalization of learning processes that happens as you get older. It really does become harder to learn something new, especially something with a somatic component that requires completely different utilizations of the neural pathways.
Added to that, I have a lot of difficulty translating concepts from drills into usage. In a drill, I do “x” and know that “y” will happen in response. I see “y” happen, and know that I should therefore do “z” in a prescribed manner. Guaranteed. The lizard brain accepts this and knows what to expect. But in usage, just because I do “x” doesn’t mean that “y” will follow, or that “z” is the intelligent thing to do in response when it does (or that I’ll even recognize “y” when it happens if it doesn't directly proceed from "x"). What then? For me, the lizard gets confused, and wants to stop and figure it out. Which didn’t work at the keyboard, and obviously doesn’t work in combat.
Basically, I can only take in just so much-and then I need to spend a while working it into what (little) I’ve already got. For every drill or lesson or new idea, I really need a couple of practices just to fight, to try to remember to incorporate it, to begin to internalize it to the point where I don’t *have* to consciously be reminded of it, before I move on to the next.
So, an open...plea?...to all the wonderful folks who really want to help me improve: Thank you. I appreciate your generosity and your willingness to spend your playing time teaching me. Really.
But when I say, on a given night, that all I want to do is spar…I mean it. Yeah, the first few bouts in particular I’m going to really stink-it takes me a while to bring all the systems online, especially after a day at work. Don’t worry about it, let me work it out. Feel free to laugh at me all you like-I’ll be laughing too.
Don’t tell me after the fact that you’re leaving me “all kinds of openings.” Obviously I haven’t learned to see them yet, or I’d be at least trying to take advantage of them.
If you’re continually getting me with the same move or in the same place, and I don’t ask you a question about it, chances are that I understand intellectually what I’m doing wrong but haven’t yet convinced the muscles to go along with the plan. Keep taking the shot until I either get it right or I stop and ask you. I promise that if I *don’t* understand why, I’ll ask.
Don’t fight down to me (or at least don’t be obvious about it). The opponent who hasn’t met me before we step out on the field against each other isn’t going to give me any breaks. If that means you’d be bored spitless fighting against me-then fer cryin’ out loud, don’t offer! I have eyes, I can see who I have no business going up against, and we’d both be happier if you go fight someone “your own size.” If there’s something *you* want to work on that just requires a willing pincushion, that’s different-and I’m happy to oblige, because it’s pretty much guaranteed that I’ll learn something out of it as well. Just let me know that’s what you want.
Because the direction I’m headed right now…means that my main involvement with fencing will become running the list instead of fighting in it.