Monsieur le Président, je vous fais une lettre
*switches on laptop, pours herself some tea, waits for it to boot*
*opens email*
From: ladameenblanc@poitou-charentes.gouv.fr
To: trousersnake@elysee.gouv.fr
Subject: All my condoleances
My dear Mr. Sarkozy,
I heard that you had Mr. Guéant look up all presidents / prime ministers who divorced when in office, as if to search precedents... We all know the French public doesn't look kindly on single politicians, nor on divorcees - I myself passed the test only by dint of outstanding good looks, which can't possibly be said of you.
So I wanted to offer you my support. As a fellow politician, and as a fellow single parent. If you feel low, instead of bombing New York - where your future ex-wife and her lover said they would live together - please give me a call, I'll help you find better ways to revenge yourself. And that will make my foreign diplomacy a lot easier to manage when I get to be President.
We could also talk shop if you want. I have prepared a preliminary, confidential 150-pages report on how to best turn the opposition MPs into ridicule thus giving us presidents of regions from the opposition the moral high ground. Would you care to have a look at it? It would certainly help your UMP MPs, who have - pardon me the expression - made huge fools on themselves on this new immigration law.
I am not your friend, Mr. Sarkozy, but being on opposite sides of the political spectrum does not prevent fructuous co-operation when the opportunity arises.
Sincerely,
Ségolène ROYAL
PS:- Please transmit my highest regards to Mrs. Fulda. Would she care to come by for a cup of tea before she has to submit to a much higher level of secret service protection?
*smiles, sips cup of tea*
From: ladameenblanc@poitou-charentes.gouv.fr
To: cecilia@collectif.anti-sarkozy.asso.fr
My dearest Cécilia,
How are you since our last phone call? I hope he hasn't been violent again. Have the secret services been notified that they were to protect you from him more than from strangers?
Did you know the press has got wing of your imminent divorce? People are talking already.
My flat is as open to you now as it was during the campaign. Don't hesitate to come by if you want to or need to.
All the best,
Ségo
*finishes cup of tea, closes laptop*
*opens email*
From: ladameenblanc@poitou-charentes.gouv.fr
To: trousersnake@elysee.gouv.fr
Subject: All my condoleances
My dear Mr. Sarkozy,
I heard that you had Mr. Guéant look up all presidents / prime ministers who divorced when in office, as if to search precedents... We all know the French public doesn't look kindly on single politicians, nor on divorcees - I myself passed the test only by dint of outstanding good looks, which can't possibly be said of you.
So I wanted to offer you my support. As a fellow politician, and as a fellow single parent. If you feel low, instead of bombing New York - where your future ex-wife and her lover said they would live together - please give me a call, I'll help you find better ways to revenge yourself. And that will make my foreign diplomacy a lot easier to manage when I get to be President.
We could also talk shop if you want. I have prepared a preliminary, confidential 150-pages report on how to best turn the opposition MPs into ridicule thus giving us presidents of regions from the opposition the moral high ground. Would you care to have a look at it? It would certainly help your UMP MPs, who have - pardon me the expression - made huge fools on themselves on this new immigration law.
I am not your friend, Mr. Sarkozy, but being on opposite sides of the political spectrum does not prevent fructuous co-operation when the opportunity arises.
Sincerely,
Ségolène ROYAL
PS:- Please transmit my highest regards to Mrs. Fulda. Would she care to come by for a cup of tea before she has to submit to a much higher level of secret service protection?
*smiles, sips cup of tea*
From: ladameenblanc@poitou-charentes.gouv.fr
To: cecilia@collectif.anti-sarkozy.asso.fr
My dearest Cécilia,
How are you since our last phone call? I hope he hasn't been violent again. Have the secret services been notified that they were to protect you from him more than from strangers?
Did you know the press has got wing of your imminent divorce? People are talking already.
My flat is as open to you now as it was during the campaign. Don't hesitate to come by if you want to or need to.
All the best,
Ségo
*finishes cup of tea, closes laptop*