Confession of Pain - NCIS (Chapter 8)
Chapter 8
Tim, Ziva, and FBI Agent Gary Manners made their way in a taxicab, holding on for dear life as the cabbie navigated the jungle of New York City. It had been awhile since Tim had been here, always forgetting the creative driving style of NY cabbies. Ziva seemed relatively comfortable, but Tim and Agent Manners looked like they might need a barf bag as the cabbie made abrupt stops and starts for the last ten minutes.
The three had successfully obtained medical records from the storage facility earlier in the day. It was actually easier than they thought, since they had a warrant. They were now on their way to visit Tony’s former nanny on the lower east side.
They reached their destination and Tim paid the cabbie. They looked up at the old, dilapidated building and walked in. It was a five story walkup. They silently made their way up. Very few words were exchanged since they had started reading the medical reports on Tony. Ziva and Tim were amazed that their friend had survived what he did. And they were also floored by the ability for a doctor to cover up such abuse against a child. Agent Manners took his cue from them and did not force any conversation the last few hours.
Agent Manners knocked on Apt. 501 and waited. The ancient door creaked open to reveal an older Hispanic woman, probably in her sixties. She had gray hair and was slightly hunched over. In a heavy Spanish accent, she said, “May I help you?” She seemed very kind.
“Miss Isabella Muñoz?” Manners asked.
“Yes?”
“My name is Gary Manners.” He flashed his badge. “I am with the FBI.”
The older woman looked immediately panicked. “I am legal now! Have been for fifteen years!” She made to close the door. Ziva and Tim knew this was headed for disaster so, they stepped up. Ziva blocked the door open.
“Miss Muñoz! You have done nothing wrong.” Ziva paused to let the woman calm down. “We are here about Tony Dinozzo.”
The older woman’s eyes widened as they immediately watered. “Anthony?” Her voice cracked. “Is he alright?”
“He is for now.” Tim answered. “But we really need to talk to you about him. Please.”
She waited a time, but then stepped aside. As the three agents walked into the woman’s tiny apartment, she turned to them. “May I offer you tea or water?”
“No, Ma’am.” Gary answered. “We just need to ask you a few questions.”
“Of course.” She sat down. “How do you know my Anthony?” She looked at the group.
Ziva answered. “My name is Ziva David and this is Agent Timothy McGee. We work with Tony at NCIS.”
“NCIS?” She asked in a confused tone.
“Naval Criminal Investigative Service.” Tim replied. “We investigate crimes occurring in the Navy and Marines, as well as National Security threats.”
“Anthony does this?” She said with a hint of pride, before the smile faded. “I cannot imagine his Father being too pleased with that.”
The FBI agent spoke, “Well, Miss Muñoz, that is why we are here.”
“Oh, dear Lord!” She exclaimed. “Is that son of a devil still hurting my poor boy?” She stood and walked to her small kitchen table. She picked up a handkerchief and then sat back down. She shook her head as she tried to will her tears not to fall.
Gary continued after giving her a few moments to compose herself. “We understand that you were employed by the Dinozzo’s right after Tony was born.”
The woman hesitated to speak, fear lacing her eyes.
“Ma’am, whatever you say right now it is a preliminary investigation. We are just gathering facts.” The FBI agent added.
Ziva grabbed her hand. “We will not let anyone harm you.” She nodded her head strongly.
“Mi bebé, Anthony. Such a sweet boy. From the moment he was born. So happy and so full of energy and goodness.” She shook her head sadly. “His mother could not be bothered with him. As if she just needed to have him as some sort of duty.”
“You and Tony were close, then?” Tim asked.
She nodded as she bit her lip. “I never had any of my own, so I doted on the lovely boy. His parents did not seem to care, as long as he was out of the way. Except for party days, when they paraded the poor boy around like a toy.”
Agent Manners spoke next. “Did you ever witness his father hurting him?”
“After his Momma died, Mr. Dinozzo was very angry. He started beating Anthony.”
“How old, Miss Muñoz?” Gary asked.
“Nine or so.” She sighed. “I tried to help when I could, but Mr. Dinozzo was a very powerful man. I finally said something after Anthony…” She started to cry as she buried her head in her handkerchief.
“What was that, Miss Muñoz?” Manners asked gently, wanting to keep her talking.
“Anthony would have bruises from his beatings but…he started coming to me…he was bleeding in places little boys shouldn’t.” She whispered. “He told me his father was touching him.” She stood and walked to the window. “When I finally had the courage to confront his father and I was going to call the police, I was fired! He threatened to deport me and he threatened my siblings that were in the US.” She turned back to the agents. “Is my Anthony going to be okay? Please don’t let that man win! Anthony is a good boy!” She began to sob. Ziva walked to her and gave her a hug. After a few minutes, she spoke again. “For as long as I live, I will never forget the agony of Anthony screaming when he saw his father’s bodyguards escort me out of the house. It has plagued me for years.”
The FBI agent stood. “Thank you for your time, Ma’am. We don’t want to be in your way too long.”
McGee and Ziva stood and thanked her as well. “Is he happy?” She asked.
They paused for a moment. “We want him to be, so we need to take care of his father. Tony is a good agent and friend.” McGee said. “He’s taught me a lot.”
“Always wanting to help people, that is my Anthony.” She took a deep breath. “Please tell him I am sorry I could not have done more. I loved him so much and I still do. Please tell him.”
“We will.” Ziva answered.
*
One day later
Jackson had turned in early for the night. Tony sat on the couch, his eyes having difficulty concentrating on whatever program was playing. Jethro was with Tobias back at the Yard. Tony felt so blessed that Jethro was trying so hard to aid him, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty and ashamed that he needed the older man. He was trying to squash those feelings away, but it was hard. Tony’s head shot up when he heard a knock on the front door. He knew his father didn’t know where he was, but he couldn’t help the slight panic he felt. If it was Gibbs, then he would have come in the garage door. He stood and grabbed his gun and walked over to the door. He let out a long sigh of relief when he saw it was McGee. He quickly placed his weapon back down. As he opened the door, McGee smiled and came in.
“Hey, Tony.” He said as he went over to the table and placed a medium sized brown paper bag on it.
“What are you doing here, McGee?” His eyes narrowed slightly. “You can tell Gibbs I don’t need a McBabysitter.”
“He wanted me to check on you. Plus, Tony, I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to you the last few days.”
Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing much to say.” He looked at the bag the junior agent was holding. “What’s in there?”
Tim smiled slightly, recognizing the abrupt change of subject as a classic Dinozzo move. “Boss said he hooked up a DVD player, so I brought a movie, popcorn, and other snacks.”
“Really, Probie?” Tony sounded excited. “Thanks!” His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “I hope you didn’t bring some chick flick or some awful teenage movie. I know you like Miley Cyrus and all, but tell me you didn’t!” He smirked.
Tim rolled his eyes, but went along with their normal banter, it was slightly comforting. It at least temporarily made him forget the horrific details he had learned about Tony.
“So, McFlix, what did you bring?” Tony smiled when he held up the case. “Bad Day at Black Rock. Ah, Spencer Tracy.” Tony said wistfully. “I didn’t know you liked film noir.” He paused. “But in actuality, it is a combination of film noir and a Western. Did you know that the writer of the film changed the main character to a one armed man knowing that Tracy would never turn down a role to play a handicapped hero? He ended up winning the Academy Award in 1955 for the film.” Tony realized he had been rambling, he stopped talking and blushed slightly. “Sorry.” He looked away. “I get carried away sometimes.”
The last thing Tim wanted to do was to make Tony uncomfortable. He could sense some trepidation in the senior agent since walking in. He knew Tony was trying to deflect. “It’s okay, Tony. And in answer to the question that I think was there, I got the movie because I knew you liked it.” He smiled slightly, when he saw Tony do the same.
As if Tony was searching Tim for signs of sarcasm or joking, he seemed to relax as he answered, “That’s nice of you.”
“Hey,” Tim added, “you’ve played my video games with me before, so I wanted to watch a movie with you. It is your hobby, right?” Tony shrugged his shoulders and then proceeded to put the movie in.
“We should be at my place. Gibbs’ TV won’t do this justice.”
“Probably not.” Tom answered. “Why don’t I make some popcorn?”
“Sure, McJiffy pop.” Tony answered over his shoulder as Tim went into the kitchen chuckling. He was always amused by the names Tony came up with. Slightly annoyed, but it was funny.
After a few minutes, Tim returned with a couple of cokes and a large bowl of popcorn. Tony was about to press play, when Tim spoke again. “When did you start liking movies so much?”
When Tony turned to him, there was a look of vulnerability in his eyes. Tim was going to retract the question, when his partner answered quietly. “Since I was little. Kind of my escape, I guess.”
Tim internally cursed himself for causing the mood to turn somber. “Hey, Tony. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of pried like that.”
“No, Tim. It’s okay.” He looked him in the eye. “Really. It’s really nice of you to come hang out with me. I know everyone’s been working hard to clean up my mess…”
“Tony, it’s not a mess. It’s your life and you deserve to have it back and feel secure and safe.” Tim added. He paused as he could see an array of emotions playing across Tony’s face. He watched as Tony looked away.
“What you must think of me…” He said so quietly Tim barely heard.
“What I think,” Tim responded, “is that you are a remarkable person who persevered against unbelievable odds to become a fantastic agent and a great friend. You’re compassionate with others and you’re hard working. And you managed to do all those things on your own, without guidance.”
Tony replied, his insecurity shining through, “You consider me a friend?”
“What?” Tim answered. “Of course I do. Don’t you think of me as a friend?”
“Yeah…but…” Tony turned sad eyes towards McGee. He made himself continue, slight panic in his voice. “You know when I tease you, I’m not trying to be mean, right?”
Tim wanted to calm his fears. “Of course you aren’t. I’ve been bullied and teased cruelly when I was young, I know the difference.“ He took a deep breath. “And when I’m smug and sarcastic and make fun of you going to Ohio State, I’m just teasing too. You’re not stupid, Tony, and I don’t ever want you to think that.”
Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Been told that enough in my life.” He muttered to himself and then chuckled slightly. When he turned back to McGee, he seemed to have unshed tears in his eyes. “You know, when you were first added to the team, I thought my days at NCIS were numbered. You were the whiz kid computer genius from MIT and Hopkins. What could I possibly have to offer?”
Tim sighed. “I’ll admit that when I first came from Norfolk, I didn’t think there was anything I could learn from you or Kate. I thought to be a good agent, all you needed were computer skills.” Tim leaned towards Tony. “But here’s what I’ve learned. The reason why our team works is because we all fit pieces of a perfect puzzle. I have the computer skills, Ziva contributes with her Mossad background, and you have an investigative mind that I can only envy. You look at cases in a way I can’t. One day, I hope to get better. And I’m sure you’ve learned a thing or two from me. Right?”
“Maybe a few, Tim.” Tony smiled slightly. He waited for some time before speaking again. “You and Ziva took a trip?” Tim was a little surprised at the abrupt change in subject.
Tim didn’t want to lie to him. He wasn’t sure how much Gibbs had told him. But, he was making strides in his friendship with Tony, so he wanted to be honest. “Yeah.”
A lump formed in Tony’s throat. “Where?”
“New York.” Tim answered quietly.
“What did you find?” Tony asked softly, curiosity getting the best of him.
Tim took a deep breath. He decided that he would incur the wrath of Gibbs if he had to. “We got some records from Long Island Community Hospital…”
“Oh.” Tony looked down at his lap.
Tim hesitated and then forced himself to continue. “And we interviewed Isabella Muñoz.”
“What?” Tony’s head shot up. The memories of his time with his beloved nanny flooded through him. He couldn’t help the tear that fell from his eye at the thought of her.
Tim began to regret telling Tony, as evidenced by how emotional he became. “Tony?”
“She left one day…a-and I-I never saw her again. F-Father’s m-men…”
Tim placed a hand on the senior agent’s thigh. His heart was clamoring as he watched how distressed Tony was becoming. He wondered if he just screwed up really badly. “Tony, she was going to tell the police what you’re father was doing to you. He was going to deport her and her entire family. She told us how much she loved you and thinks of you everyday.”
Tony took some calming breaths. “That’s what happened to her?”
“Yes. She didn’t want to leave you. She had no choice.”
Tony shook his head a few times and wiped his face. He turned away feeling embarrassed he had lost control in front of McGee.
“Hey.” Tim said. “Tony, what you went through, I cannot even begin to imagine. But don’t feel ashamed because you show an emotion other than happiness in front of me. You can’t always be on.”
“That’s what people expect of me.” He said sadly. “It’s my fault really…it’s just easier sometimes, you know?” Tim nodded. “Don’t think anyone will want to know the real me.” He chuckled bitterly. “That’s why I…” Tony stopped abruptly, as if realizing how much he had revealed to McGee.
“What?” Tim asked kindly.
“I’m screwed in the head, Tim.” He said as he looked at his friend as tears poured from his eyes.
“Have you ever talked to anyone…?” Tony shook his head. “Maybe that would help?”
Tony stood and walked over to the front window as he gazed down at the dimly lit street. “Do you wonder…”
“Wonder what, Tony?”
“Why I let him h-hurt m-me?” Tony wrapped his arms around himself.
“Tony, he hurt you. Don’t take the blame.” Tim said with conviction as he walked over to his friend.
“I c-can’t f-fight h-him…” He looked down. “I-I a-always feel like I’m t-ten years old again…”
Tim led a pliant Tony back to the couch. He wrapped an afghan around his friend.
Tony seemed to shiver, but continued. “It’s why I-I…”
“What, Tony?” McGee encouraged.
“I-I‘ve only been with a few girls…I don‘t l-let anything get t-too deep b-because I-I f-feel…” He whispered.
“It’s okay.”
“I-it’s safer to b-be a-alone…” Tony continued to look down at his shaking hands.
Tim was a bit confused, but then he understood. All the constant office chatter about his flings and girlfriends were all apart of the persona he had imagined to fight against his pain and fear.
“Tony…” Tim could only say, rendered speechless by his friend’s revelation.
Frantic eyes turned towards the younger agent. “Don’t look at me like that…don’t! I don’t need your pity!” He said in a rushed tone, trying to keep his voice down so as to not wake up Jackson.
“Tony, I feel for you, that’s what friends do. It’s not pity. It’s sympathy…it’s empathy…when people care about you that is what they feel.”
“You don’t h-hate me for lying?” He asked, his voice small.
“Why should I hate you for that? I don’t have a lot of experience either.” Tim tried to smile.
“I-I’ve tried…but I-I can’t.” His eyes flickered to McGee and then back to hands again.
“I think if you talked to someone that might help one day.”
“Y-You think?” Tony asked.
“I do.” He answered.
“You d-don’t think I’m weak and p-pathetic?”
“No.” Tim placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “And if you’re father told you that, then he is even more of a bastard than we thought. We’ve got your six, Tony. And we’re going to take him down.” McGee said with conviction.
Tony truly appreciated the sentiment. He looked at the younger agent. “Y-you’re channeling, Gibbs.” Tony couldn’t help the small smile that traversed his face.
“Really?” Tim’s face lit up. “Cool.” He knocked his arm against Tony’s. “Why don’t we check out if Spencer Tracy’s performance is Oscar worthy.”
Tony took a deep breath as he took his time to regain his composure. “If? You wound me, Probie.” He said, voice still thick with emotion. “And Tim?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks. For everything.”
“No problem.” He handed Tony the popcorn bowl as the two turned their attention to the movie classic.
TBC…
Continue to Chapter 9
Tim, Ziva, and FBI Agent Gary Manners made their way in a taxicab, holding on for dear life as the cabbie navigated the jungle of New York City. It had been awhile since Tim had been here, always forgetting the creative driving style of NY cabbies. Ziva seemed relatively comfortable, but Tim and Agent Manners looked like they might need a barf bag as the cabbie made abrupt stops and starts for the last ten minutes.
The three had successfully obtained medical records from the storage facility earlier in the day. It was actually easier than they thought, since they had a warrant. They were now on their way to visit Tony’s former nanny on the lower east side.
They reached their destination and Tim paid the cabbie. They looked up at the old, dilapidated building and walked in. It was a five story walkup. They silently made their way up. Very few words were exchanged since they had started reading the medical reports on Tony. Ziva and Tim were amazed that their friend had survived what he did. And they were also floored by the ability for a doctor to cover up such abuse against a child. Agent Manners took his cue from them and did not force any conversation the last few hours.
Agent Manners knocked on Apt. 501 and waited. The ancient door creaked open to reveal an older Hispanic woman, probably in her sixties. She had gray hair and was slightly hunched over. In a heavy Spanish accent, she said, “May I help you?” She seemed very kind.
“Miss Isabella Muñoz?” Manners asked.
“Yes?”
“My name is Gary Manners.” He flashed his badge. “I am with the FBI.”
The older woman looked immediately panicked. “I am legal now! Have been for fifteen years!” She made to close the door. Ziva and Tim knew this was headed for disaster so, they stepped up. Ziva blocked the door open.
“Miss Muñoz! You have done nothing wrong.” Ziva paused to let the woman calm down. “We are here about Tony Dinozzo.”
The older woman’s eyes widened as they immediately watered. “Anthony?” Her voice cracked. “Is he alright?”
“He is for now.” Tim answered. “But we really need to talk to you about him. Please.”
She waited a time, but then stepped aside. As the three agents walked into the woman’s tiny apartment, she turned to them. “May I offer you tea or water?”
“No, Ma’am.” Gary answered. “We just need to ask you a few questions.”
“Of course.” She sat down. “How do you know my Anthony?” She looked at the group.
Ziva answered. “My name is Ziva David and this is Agent Timothy McGee. We work with Tony at NCIS.”
“NCIS?” She asked in a confused tone.
“Naval Criminal Investigative Service.” Tim replied. “We investigate crimes occurring in the Navy and Marines, as well as National Security threats.”
“Anthony does this?” She said with a hint of pride, before the smile faded. “I cannot imagine his Father being too pleased with that.”
The FBI agent spoke, “Well, Miss Muñoz, that is why we are here.”
“Oh, dear Lord!” She exclaimed. “Is that son of a devil still hurting my poor boy?” She stood and walked to her small kitchen table. She picked up a handkerchief and then sat back down. She shook her head as she tried to will her tears not to fall.
Gary continued after giving her a few moments to compose herself. “We understand that you were employed by the Dinozzo’s right after Tony was born.”
The woman hesitated to speak, fear lacing her eyes.
“Ma’am, whatever you say right now it is a preliminary investigation. We are just gathering facts.” The FBI agent added.
Ziva grabbed her hand. “We will not let anyone harm you.” She nodded her head strongly.
“Mi bebé, Anthony. Such a sweet boy. From the moment he was born. So happy and so full of energy and goodness.” She shook her head sadly. “His mother could not be bothered with him. As if she just needed to have him as some sort of duty.”
“You and Tony were close, then?” Tim asked.
She nodded as she bit her lip. “I never had any of my own, so I doted on the lovely boy. His parents did not seem to care, as long as he was out of the way. Except for party days, when they paraded the poor boy around like a toy.”
Agent Manners spoke next. “Did you ever witness his father hurting him?”
“After his Momma died, Mr. Dinozzo was very angry. He started beating Anthony.”
“How old, Miss Muñoz?” Gary asked.
“Nine or so.” She sighed. “I tried to help when I could, but Mr. Dinozzo was a very powerful man. I finally said something after Anthony…” She started to cry as she buried her head in her handkerchief.
“What was that, Miss Muñoz?” Manners asked gently, wanting to keep her talking.
“Anthony would have bruises from his beatings but…he started coming to me…he was bleeding in places little boys shouldn’t.” She whispered. “He told me his father was touching him.” She stood and walked to the window. “When I finally had the courage to confront his father and I was going to call the police, I was fired! He threatened to deport me and he threatened my siblings that were in the US.” She turned back to the agents. “Is my Anthony going to be okay? Please don’t let that man win! Anthony is a good boy!” She began to sob. Ziva walked to her and gave her a hug. After a few minutes, she spoke again. “For as long as I live, I will never forget the agony of Anthony screaming when he saw his father’s bodyguards escort me out of the house. It has plagued me for years.”
The FBI agent stood. “Thank you for your time, Ma’am. We don’t want to be in your way too long.”
McGee and Ziva stood and thanked her as well. “Is he happy?” She asked.
They paused for a moment. “We want him to be, so we need to take care of his father. Tony is a good agent and friend.” McGee said. “He’s taught me a lot.”
“Always wanting to help people, that is my Anthony.” She took a deep breath. “Please tell him I am sorry I could not have done more. I loved him so much and I still do. Please tell him.”
“We will.” Ziva answered.
*
One day later
Jackson had turned in early for the night. Tony sat on the couch, his eyes having difficulty concentrating on whatever program was playing. Jethro was with Tobias back at the Yard. Tony felt so blessed that Jethro was trying so hard to aid him, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty and ashamed that he needed the older man. He was trying to squash those feelings away, but it was hard. Tony’s head shot up when he heard a knock on the front door. He knew his father didn’t know where he was, but he couldn’t help the slight panic he felt. If it was Gibbs, then he would have come in the garage door. He stood and grabbed his gun and walked over to the door. He let out a long sigh of relief when he saw it was McGee. He quickly placed his weapon back down. As he opened the door, McGee smiled and came in.
“Hey, Tony.” He said as he went over to the table and placed a medium sized brown paper bag on it.
“What are you doing here, McGee?” His eyes narrowed slightly. “You can tell Gibbs I don’t need a McBabysitter.”
“He wanted me to check on you. Plus, Tony, I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to you the last few days.”
Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing much to say.” He looked at the bag the junior agent was holding. “What’s in there?”
Tim smiled slightly, recognizing the abrupt change of subject as a classic Dinozzo move. “Boss said he hooked up a DVD player, so I brought a movie, popcorn, and other snacks.”
“Really, Probie?” Tony sounded excited. “Thanks!” His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “I hope you didn’t bring some chick flick or some awful teenage movie. I know you like Miley Cyrus and all, but tell me you didn’t!” He smirked.
Tim rolled his eyes, but went along with their normal banter, it was slightly comforting. It at least temporarily made him forget the horrific details he had learned about Tony.
“So, McFlix, what did you bring?” Tony smiled when he held up the case. “Bad Day at Black Rock. Ah, Spencer Tracy.” Tony said wistfully. “I didn’t know you liked film noir.” He paused. “But in actuality, it is a combination of film noir and a Western. Did you know that the writer of the film changed the main character to a one armed man knowing that Tracy would never turn down a role to play a handicapped hero? He ended up winning the Academy Award in 1955 for the film.” Tony realized he had been rambling, he stopped talking and blushed slightly. “Sorry.” He looked away. “I get carried away sometimes.”
The last thing Tim wanted to do was to make Tony uncomfortable. He could sense some trepidation in the senior agent since walking in. He knew Tony was trying to deflect. “It’s okay, Tony. And in answer to the question that I think was there, I got the movie because I knew you liked it.” He smiled slightly, when he saw Tony do the same.
As if Tony was searching Tim for signs of sarcasm or joking, he seemed to relax as he answered, “That’s nice of you.”
“Hey,” Tim added, “you’ve played my video games with me before, so I wanted to watch a movie with you. It is your hobby, right?” Tony shrugged his shoulders and then proceeded to put the movie in.
“We should be at my place. Gibbs’ TV won’t do this justice.”
“Probably not.” Tom answered. “Why don’t I make some popcorn?”
“Sure, McJiffy pop.” Tony answered over his shoulder as Tim went into the kitchen chuckling. He was always amused by the names Tony came up with. Slightly annoyed, but it was funny.
After a few minutes, Tim returned with a couple of cokes and a large bowl of popcorn. Tony was about to press play, when Tim spoke again. “When did you start liking movies so much?”
When Tony turned to him, there was a look of vulnerability in his eyes. Tim was going to retract the question, when his partner answered quietly. “Since I was little. Kind of my escape, I guess.”
Tim internally cursed himself for causing the mood to turn somber. “Hey, Tony. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of pried like that.”
“No, Tim. It’s okay.” He looked him in the eye. “Really. It’s really nice of you to come hang out with me. I know everyone’s been working hard to clean up my mess…”
“Tony, it’s not a mess. It’s your life and you deserve to have it back and feel secure and safe.” Tim added. He paused as he could see an array of emotions playing across Tony’s face. He watched as Tony looked away.
“What you must think of me…” He said so quietly Tim barely heard.
“What I think,” Tim responded, “is that you are a remarkable person who persevered against unbelievable odds to become a fantastic agent and a great friend. You’re compassionate with others and you’re hard working. And you managed to do all those things on your own, without guidance.”
Tony replied, his insecurity shining through, “You consider me a friend?”
“What?” Tim answered. “Of course I do. Don’t you think of me as a friend?”
“Yeah…but…” Tony turned sad eyes towards McGee. He made himself continue, slight panic in his voice. “You know when I tease you, I’m not trying to be mean, right?”
Tim wanted to calm his fears. “Of course you aren’t. I’ve been bullied and teased cruelly when I was young, I know the difference.“ He took a deep breath. “And when I’m smug and sarcastic and make fun of you going to Ohio State, I’m just teasing too. You’re not stupid, Tony, and I don’t ever want you to think that.”
Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Been told that enough in my life.” He muttered to himself and then chuckled slightly. When he turned back to McGee, he seemed to have unshed tears in his eyes. “You know, when you were first added to the team, I thought my days at NCIS were numbered. You were the whiz kid computer genius from MIT and Hopkins. What could I possibly have to offer?”
Tim sighed. “I’ll admit that when I first came from Norfolk, I didn’t think there was anything I could learn from you or Kate. I thought to be a good agent, all you needed were computer skills.” Tim leaned towards Tony. “But here’s what I’ve learned. The reason why our team works is because we all fit pieces of a perfect puzzle. I have the computer skills, Ziva contributes with her Mossad background, and you have an investigative mind that I can only envy. You look at cases in a way I can’t. One day, I hope to get better. And I’m sure you’ve learned a thing or two from me. Right?”
“Maybe a few, Tim.” Tony smiled slightly. He waited for some time before speaking again. “You and Ziva took a trip?” Tim was a little surprised at the abrupt change in subject.
Tim didn’t want to lie to him. He wasn’t sure how much Gibbs had told him. But, he was making strides in his friendship with Tony, so he wanted to be honest. “Yeah.”
A lump formed in Tony’s throat. “Where?”
“New York.” Tim answered quietly.
“What did you find?” Tony asked softly, curiosity getting the best of him.
Tim took a deep breath. He decided that he would incur the wrath of Gibbs if he had to. “We got some records from Long Island Community Hospital…”
“Oh.” Tony looked down at his lap.
Tim hesitated and then forced himself to continue. “And we interviewed Isabella Muñoz.”
“What?” Tony’s head shot up. The memories of his time with his beloved nanny flooded through him. He couldn’t help the tear that fell from his eye at the thought of her.
Tim began to regret telling Tony, as evidenced by how emotional he became. “Tony?”
“She left one day…a-and I-I never saw her again. F-Father’s m-men…”
Tim placed a hand on the senior agent’s thigh. His heart was clamoring as he watched how distressed Tony was becoming. He wondered if he just screwed up really badly. “Tony, she was going to tell the police what you’re father was doing to you. He was going to deport her and her entire family. She told us how much she loved you and thinks of you everyday.”
Tony took some calming breaths. “That’s what happened to her?”
“Yes. She didn’t want to leave you. She had no choice.”
Tony shook his head a few times and wiped his face. He turned away feeling embarrassed he had lost control in front of McGee.
“Hey.” Tim said. “Tony, what you went through, I cannot even begin to imagine. But don’t feel ashamed because you show an emotion other than happiness in front of me. You can’t always be on.”
“That’s what people expect of me.” He said sadly. “It’s my fault really…it’s just easier sometimes, you know?” Tim nodded. “Don’t think anyone will want to know the real me.” He chuckled bitterly. “That’s why I…” Tony stopped abruptly, as if realizing how much he had revealed to McGee.
“What?” Tim asked kindly.
“I’m screwed in the head, Tim.” He said as he looked at his friend as tears poured from his eyes.
“Have you ever talked to anyone…?” Tony shook his head. “Maybe that would help?”
Tony stood and walked over to the front window as he gazed down at the dimly lit street. “Do you wonder…”
“Wonder what, Tony?”
“Why I let him h-hurt m-me?” Tony wrapped his arms around himself.
“Tony, he hurt you. Don’t take the blame.” Tim said with conviction as he walked over to his friend.
“I c-can’t f-fight h-him…” He looked down. “I-I a-always feel like I’m t-ten years old again…”
Tim led a pliant Tony back to the couch. He wrapped an afghan around his friend.
Tony seemed to shiver, but continued. “It’s why I-I…”
“What, Tony?” McGee encouraged.
“I-I‘ve only been with a few girls…I don‘t l-let anything get t-too deep b-because I-I f-feel…” He whispered.
“It’s okay.”
“I-it’s safer to b-be a-alone…” Tony continued to look down at his shaking hands.
Tim was a bit confused, but then he understood. All the constant office chatter about his flings and girlfriends were all apart of the persona he had imagined to fight against his pain and fear.
“Tony…” Tim could only say, rendered speechless by his friend’s revelation.
Frantic eyes turned towards the younger agent. “Don’t look at me like that…don’t! I don’t need your pity!” He said in a rushed tone, trying to keep his voice down so as to not wake up Jackson.
“Tony, I feel for you, that’s what friends do. It’s not pity. It’s sympathy…it’s empathy…when people care about you that is what they feel.”
“You don’t h-hate me for lying?” He asked, his voice small.
“Why should I hate you for that? I don’t have a lot of experience either.” Tim tried to smile.
“I-I’ve tried…but I-I can’t.” His eyes flickered to McGee and then back to hands again.
“I think if you talked to someone that might help one day.”
“Y-You think?” Tony asked.
“I do.” He answered.
“You d-don’t think I’m weak and p-pathetic?”
“No.” Tim placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “And if you’re father told you that, then he is even more of a bastard than we thought. We’ve got your six, Tony. And we’re going to take him down.” McGee said with conviction.
Tony truly appreciated the sentiment. He looked at the younger agent. “Y-you’re channeling, Gibbs.” Tony couldn’t help the small smile that traversed his face.
“Really?” Tim’s face lit up. “Cool.” He knocked his arm against Tony’s. “Why don’t we check out if Spencer Tracy’s performance is Oscar worthy.”
Tony took a deep breath as he took his time to regain his composure. “If? You wound me, Probie.” He said, voice still thick with emotion. “And Tim?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks. For everything.”
“No problem.” He handed Tony the popcorn bowl as the two turned their attention to the movie classic.
TBC…
Continue to Chapter 9